My 14 Year Old Daughter Is Growing Up And I've Been Crying Hysterically Since Firday.

Hi there...my name is Debbie, I'm 47 and have only one child. Her name is Kristen and she will be 14 in March. I too have had something suddenly come over me. Like a sledgehammer. I've literally been crying since Friday night and cannot stop. She's in 8th grade and how this school year has passed so fast. Next year high school????? I can't believe my baby is gone. I feel like I'm mourning a death. Like I've lost her. I want to physically hold on to her, hug her, tell how much i love her. I do it all the time. She was with her dad all weekend and got back home at 8 pm. She could tell i had been crying. We talked. I tried to explain what I am feeling. It is soooooo hard on me right now. I feel ,like I'm dying inside of sadness. I don't express the severity of my sadness to her in all this detail. I never want her to feel it's her fault that I'm so sad. I know the high school years will fly by and she will one day leave me. Yes, I said leave me. That's how it feels. I cannot bare to think of not having her in my life on a daily basis. She is my world. I too have no other passions in my life or interests that occupy any place in my life. SHE is my life. I'm sitting here right now crying my eyes out. I realize i still have time....but such a short amount. I never ever thought about this part of parenting. I never want to let her go. I see a counselor and I'm on an antidepressant, but wow...this doom and gloom really hit me hard Friday. I feel out of control with my sadness over my beautiful daugher turning 14. I honestly fear that when the day comes that she leaves home....i will literally die of a broken heart. This pain I'm feeling regarding the future is paralyzing me. I feel like i am going crazy. I'm a complete mess.

I so badly want to find other women who are experiencing these same emotions.
upallnitetoo upallnitetoo
46-50, F
37 Responses Feb 14, 2011

I am right there with you. I have a 19 year old who moving out in January. A 16 year old looking at colleges, my youngest daughter just turned 14 in high school and my boy 11 has figured out so much for his age and I am so proud. I can't help think is that in a few short years, all the happiest of times will be over and I was too busy to enjoy them. I already starting to die a little each day. I have been fortunate to stay home with them and I know they will do just fine but the sadness is overwhelming most days!!! I pray that God gives strengths to face all these endings coming so fast and furious. I know if I got a job or started making friends it would be easier but I don't want miss a single minute of being a mom because it brings me so much joy. I guess all I can do is keep praying to move past this fear and into a place of strength.

My eldest son 12 in a few months left primary school this last week. I cried the day I took him. I can remember it as if it was yesterday and I've certainly cried now he's left. There have been so many trials tribulations and challenges that make you grow and become wise. I find we are completely different people.
I mourne the loss of childhood. Its been coming a while now.
All the children used to play out. His little group left the area so he stopped playing out. And now he's left primary school too!
I never thought I'd be so attached to the school. 7 years. My longest commitment to any thing. I shall so miss these days of childhood. My youngest is only 18 month's. I don't know if I'll feel that burning intense passion.
All I know is without a shadow of a doubt is that we have grown so much. I guess it will all be more simple second time round.
Its been so exciting these last few months. And at times I wish I could of held that moment forever . both boys being so young one a baby one on the cusp of this next stage of his life. I love boyhood I love being a mum.

I am a father with similar thoughts, my wife left for another man almost 6 years ago, my 2 children a son who had just turned 15 and a daughter who was 9 stayed with me, I never dated and concentrated on working and providing a home for both kids, now my daughter is 14 and has moved out and into her mothers house and will barely talk to me unless she wants money she hasn't been going to school and is in danger of failing her 8th grade year, and has almost completely stopped talking to her closest friends and now is friends with new kids that have been getting her to skip classes and ditch school, nothing I do or say seems to get through to her because now I am not dad to her, now I am the enemy and I don't understand it, how can the children we live so much turn on us so violently

I feel the exact same way!, I could not have said it any better

Hi Debbie I just wondered how life was for you now?

She will never leave you...She is yours forever. A mom is a special thing to a daughter. Never forget that!

Great words of wisdom

My middle daughter just turned 15 and I too feel as if one of my best friends is gone. She and I saw eye-to-eye on everything, and now we can't stand to be together. In fact, the only time she talks to me now is when she wants something (clothes, phone, etc).
She has started lying now, so now her father and I are the enemy and the evil ones.
When this happened with my oldest daughter (again, exactly at 15), I cried and cried. My heart was broken. I spent so much time with them when they were young - stay-at-home mom, homeschooled for a few years, made sure I was at every game - and now, they throw me away as if they can't stand the sight of me.
For those with younger kids, enjoy them - but know it's fleeting. You have until about 15, and then it's gone. Even though my eldest is 17 and is not such a royal ***** anymore, things aren't easy between us. I don't think they ever will be again. She broke my heart, and soon she will be going away to college - never again will we be able to be mother-and-daughter like it was when she was growing up. It's just gone.

I came here looking for advice about my own daughter but read your comment and wanted to say something. I feel like I was closest to my mother when I became a mother and I hope the same is true for our daughters :)

I have a 17 year old and a 4 year old ( that just started preschool) that feeling overcame me a couple of days ago abd going to work and not break down has been hard. I am sitting here balling my eyes out. My 17 year old is a senior! Wow has the time flown by.

I have a 12, 22,and 24,year old n I am 47,also ....I been have major anxiety,, getting more depressed and having panic attacks and also crying a lot. Nothing makes me happy anymore and I finally realized the same thing. My two older boys are in college and I don't see them very oftenand my youngest son will be 13,and basically is growing up and doesn't need me anymore. Also he is in the teenage years which makes it even harder because he doesn't care if he was at his dads for weeks and didn't see me it wouldn't matter to him. I'm basically single.and for months I have just been feeling so isolated and don't want to go anywhere and feeling like I lost something and it finally hit me ...I don't know how to live without having children. I miss my older children of course but I had my youngest when they became independent but now he is growing up so fast it is a reality shock. When he leaves I feel.like my life means nothing and it is scarring me too ....

If I could write a letter, it would be the exact duplicate of yours. My son is 13. I was his everything. We were inseparable and now it's torture to have him around me without a friend. My heart hurts so much that I feel the same. I feel like once my kids leave, there's nothing left to me. I don't know how to handle the pain. I want my babies around me forever. :(

I thought I was alone with these feelings. My daughter is fourteen and it really is killing me. We also have always been inseparable. She is a good kid and now wants to go skating on Friday nights with her friends..........and I feel loss. I just sit and cry

I am a father of a 13 year old girl. She will be 14 in March. She finally got around to cleaning out her room and when I saw her putting up her favorite stuff animals I just lost it. Started crying seeing all of her little girl things being discarded. I longed for the times of her asking me to play or to dance with her. She will be starting H.S. next year and I know she can't stay little forever, but I feel I am losing her. I miss her now.

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter is only 11, but I’m starting to see the beginnings of the same thing you described. When she was younger we used to play with her stuffed animals all the time, and she hasn’t yet gotten to the point where she doesn’t want to play with them anymore, but I know it’s coming. Her stuffed animals are probably the strongest link I still have with the little girl she used to be, and I’m not looking forward to the day when she puts them aside.
I’m with you about the playing and dancing thing. I used to listen to the Steven Curtis Chapman song “Cinderella” when she was younger and I had tears of joy when I heard it, but now when I hear that song, I completely lose it and cry tears of sadness because I know that time is gone.
I know you posted your message over a year ago, but if you can, what you might want to do is to try to find and save some of her little girl stuff that has the fondest memories for you, if it all hasn’t been thrown out yet. In the future you’ll be able to look through all the stuff and it’ll bring back memories, and even some wonderful moments you might have forgotten about. I’ve got some boxes of my daughter’s stuff from when she was 5, 6, 7, 8 years old, and when I look through it, it usually makes me so sad because I miss the little girl she used to be, but in a strange way it kind of makes me feel a little better too because I’m kind of reliving those times again in a tangible way.
But I totally understand. I know it’s so hard.

I feel the same with my son e just finished pre school and is starting school next year his father and I had a big custody battle and it broke my heart when he was with his dad is just cry and cry until I got him back it literally hurts me so bad when he is away, I know exactly how you feel I think we just need to find a way to accept that they grow up and eventually make lives of their own I am yet to accept this fact and will probably need professional help in doing so, good luck :) and just remember no matter how old they are they were in our tummies they are out babies FOREVER!!! :) xx

Im feeling exactly the same. My daughter us 12. I feel so alone but am surrounded by people who care. I feel stupid that im struggling so badly. Shes been my life x

Hi, problem is now my daughter who is 16 has found the love of her life , I feel I have lost my best friend she always wanted to spend time with me and her siblings and we would share everything, now she just wants her boyfriend and it has brought it home to me that very soon I will be losing her to her own life and I feel like I'm grieving it hurts so bad. I realise it's all normal and I haven't voiced my feelings to her as I don't want her feeling guilty that she's having a good time and doing what all teenagers do.. But I find myself crying all the time and can't snap out of it, I've list my best friend and despite having 2 other children, one is 2 yrs and one is 18 but severely disabled to look after I just miss my daughter so much now and feel I have no one who gets me like she did. Im so proud and seeing her grow into this beautiful young women who just beginning her adventures I know my life will now never ever be the same and it makes me sad . I guess it's just self pity on my part and I need to snap out of it but its easier said than done...want to turn back the clock :(:(:(

This is exactly how I feel ! The grief is killing me

This is exactly how I feel ! The grief is killing me

Hi, I'm 14 years old. I just turned this month & is currently in grade eight. I especially over think about this at night. Just the thought of leaving my parents in four or five years just kills me. Like ill miss them Ill miss my childhood ill never get back. Ill miss everything. :(
I don't know I just really love my parents. They're my life, I wouldn't know what to do with my life without them. They're just so special. I could go on & on but anyways. It's a phase that most parents go through. But it's completely normal. A lot of people go through it. So don't worry. ^_^

Your daughter is probably feeling somewhat the same. I am twelve years old, and sometimes I feel sad about growing up. You need to step up and be the strong one and YOU have to let her know that it's OK to grow. You feeling bad is probably making her feel bad. Which you don't want, right?

I am crying along with you as I have a 13 year old who actually enjoyed sleeping in the family bed until 1 1/2 year ago. He is a A student and is well liked and involved in lots of extracurricular activities ...kid around with his dad but doesn't want to have anything to do wit me and it is literally killing me.

I'm 25 and my son turned four a couple months ago. I know I'm a great mother.. I'm a single mom, going to college, working.. but I hold him at night while he's asleep crying hysterically because he's grown into a little boy. I can remember when he was so tiny and all the milestones he's passed. He is a very inquisitive intelligent child now. I feel like I've lost my baby and in truth, I sort of have. I remember all the times I have faced challenges as a mother, and while he's asleep and I'm holding him, I look at him and wonder if I've done everything right. I cry and cry, not really sure if they're happy or sad tears. I feel an emptiness from when he was little that I'll never get back. I nursed him for the first eight months, which probably has a little to do with my emotions becuase I know now that he's grown into a child, he'll never depend on me the way he did when he was a baby. I wish I could do it all over again. I'm so scared and sad that he's growing up so fast.. I never thought it could really ever go by so quickly..

** 'upallnitetoo', I want to tell you that my mother and I have a wonderful relationship. She is 53, and like I said, I'm 25 now. You seem to feel somewhat like I do with my son; however, I want to tell you that although your daughter is growing into a young lady, the two of you will have the opportunity now, to share a much different bond. As she grows, she will still need you, just in different ways. Someday, I hope the two of you can share a bond as strong as my mother and I, and remember: A daughter is a little girl who will someday grow up to be your best friend. You have a beautiful gift and she obviously loves you very much. I hope this helps.

I support what KurtSFarns says. I am a 49 year old father and have two daughters. My youngest is 11 and lately I have felt her getting distant. She used to always sit next to me on the couch and give me hugs. She always wanted to do things with me - outdoor activities and the like. About 3 months or so ago I noticed that this diminished and that has continued. I experienced a very difficult time with my older daughter (age 13) about 8 months ago. Dealing with that made me happy that my younger daughter would be very close to be for a year or more until she hit the teenage phase. Well.... no such luck with having a year.<br />
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I am thinking of seeing a counselor to help with my anxiety about my girls growing up. My wife thinks that I am stuck in the past and should accept and move on. Of course she is right - but it doesn't make it any easier.<br />
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So, Kurt, as a man you are not alone here. I don't know if that helps or not.

I am a 46 year old MAN and have two beautiful children. A 6 year old son and a 10 year old daughter. I seem unique here in that I appear to be the only man that is "grieving" that my children are getting older and therefore closer to leaving me. Leaving is such a difficult thought. I didn't "leave" my parents in a way in which I don't see or communicate with them, but IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. Life is different when the kids get older. They don't want to spend as much time with me, don't seem to respect me as much and don't have that same look when they come to you with troubles. I feel like as a man, I shouldn't feel this way and that theirs something wrong with me. I have been on anti depressants for many years, even before the children were born, but I still feel the same. I go to counseling and get the same answers that I don't accept. Things like raise your children well and they will come back to love you, go find yourself a good craft, blah blah blah...... I looked it up and cant find an actual "phobia" name for the awful feeling of your children growing up or growing older. If their are any fathers out there with a similar problem, I would love to hear how youre coping. Thanks...

I am very happy that I came across this site. My children are slightly younger than most of the women who have posted comments. They are 12 and 10, boy and girl. I have stayed home since I had them. I thought I would have gone back to work when they were 2! Anyhow, until this year, my life has been full, rich, busy, and happy. But this year, I have felt down for as long as I can remember. I didn't know what was going on until I read some of the posts on here. I have so much more time these days as the children have after school activities, school play, and friends to keep them busy. It hits me on the days that I don't have to pick them up at 3:15pm. Between that time and when they get home I am a mess. Then when they return I immediately brighten up. The feeling I have associated with this is guilt. That the poor things (especially my daughter) are my whole life. I don't feel that the feelings I have are healthy. But at least reading these posts, even if they're not healthy, they are normal! The point is that I need to figure out what to do with my life. I need purpose and passion. Finding it is going to be a lonely struggle, but I am determined not to stay this way. My own mother who turned 61 today is leaning on me a lot lately because she can't deal with turning old. My kids were both major parts in their play last night and as it was also my mother's 61st birthday, she was here for two days. Instead of taking charge and helping out to take her mind off of her narsisstic feelings over getting older, she moped around my house complaining about how sick she feels lately and how she hates having a birthday. I was confused between feeling bad for her and wanting to just tell her to grow up. I know that is so mean, but it made me realize that I don't want to be that woman to my own children when I am older. I really want to find something to be happy about. Thank you all for posting your comments, you don't know how helpful they are to me during this confusing time.

It's not you. She's just growing up. When I was 11, something just changed in me, almost overnight, going from toys to boys. Maybe you could try connecting with her on that level. Not so much about the boy part, but maybe fashion and trends. You won't replace her friends, but you can be a special friend to her, in addition to being her mother.<br />
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It sounds like you are feeling guilty and blaming yourself. Please don't do that. We all do the best we can. Your daughter loves you and will always love you. Be careful not to drive a wedge between you and her; rather, try to be supportive and understanding. She can't tell you what's happening because she doesn't realize it herself; she's never grown up before! I know it's hard. When I was 11, my mother was 49. That's quite a generation gap, but it's workable. You'll see. <br />
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I'm on this forum today because I'm devastated over my son's announcement that he and his girlfriend may be moving across the country by the end of the month! He's 28, I'm 56, and I HAVE my own interests. That doesn't help one bit because now I can't even concentrate. I don't want him to go so far away. But I'll have to accept it because there is nothing I can do about it and I want him to be happy and live his life. I've cried more this week than I did when my own mother died. It hurts. And I feel for you!<br />
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You might just have to change your approach with your daughter. These can be good years, too, but it may take some patience and creativity on your part to nurture the situation. Good luck to you and God bless you both.

I always thought that my daughter and I would live together as long as I'm alive. I know lots of people who have lived with their parents/mothers throughout their lives and marriages, but my 16-year-old daughter recently informed me that although she loves me she doesn't want to live with me forever. The last thing I want is for her to see me as clingy or needy or too controlling. My heart feels so heavy though, knowing I'll have to let her go some day. I've never felt as close to anyone as I do to her. I know now that my children are almost all full grown I need to find a new purpose in life, but it's hard. I can see I'm not alone though... many people go through this.

I just came across this today, as I sit here sobbing....... My daughters are 13 and 10, and it hurts so bad. I am a single mother, so maybe that makes it worse?? I don't know. I work a lot to give them a good life, and now I just want all those hours back to spend with them. Next year they will be in High School and Middle School, so that is hard! I want those little girls back so bad! It doesn't seem that other parents around me are going through this? Am I crazy? I have been an emotional wreck latley! How do you let go? The past soon to be 14 years of my life have been focused on them! Life gets so busy, the things that used to upset me, no longer matter. Little things like bringing something to me to wash at 10pm for the next day, calling me at work because they forgot something and need me to bring it to them, not a big deal anymore. Things like that I am not holding on to. I know one day I will miss silly stuff like doing there laundry, making lunches, and running them all over creations. Please help, parents of older children how do you get through this?

I am exactly there too! Mine children are 12 and 8, lots of time still but it has all gone by so quickly and I try so hard to savour every single moment!!!<br />
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I love the comment that was said "you are all amazing nourturerers" So so true! This is why my husband and I have opened up our home to fostering other children It helps us feel like we are helping other children in need, and we can continue to receive what we need...an outlet for nurturing children. It definitely helps and wI can watch and be part of young children for as long as I am able <br />
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Just some thoughts!!!

Thank goodness I am not alone, not that we are but I sure do feel like it sometimes. Its does make my heart happy to know you all love your children so much. My little man just turned 16 and my baby is 13, I have spent every morning for a month crying about how terribly fast life has flown by, I dont feel like I've gotten to do everything with them yet and it aches. I know I have a few more years, and I try and be greatful that my kids have grown up healthy and happy, smart and decent, but its SOOO fast!!! I want my little guys back just for awhile longer...

Could be worse...I've never had a child, though I wanted one or two.

It's so nice to read these comments - I, too, have been crying every morning and every night and lots in between for about a week. It's awful and I feel totally out of control. I have a 10, soon to be 11, year old daughter and a 4 year old son.....this all has to do with my daughter right now. It began when I walked into the bathroom when she was going to take a shower - I went in there to take my make up off and get ready for bed. She asked how long I would be....totally oblivious I said just a few minutes, why? She said, under her breath, "because I am almost a teenager and I need my privacy". She and I are very close and never has she been uncomfortable, to my knowledge, of changing in front of me. I was shocked and frankly, really hurt. It sent me in a tailspin. I knew I had to respect her privacy, but why was she feeling not comfortable with me anymore? Then, she has been closing doors to her room at times - never did this before. School started three weeks ago and I am seeing a transformed girl. She is in the fifth grade. In the past, she has always practically cried if I did not walk her to class - she now prefers me to drop her off, and early at that (so she can visit with friends)! Also, she has been talking on the phone constantly - I had to put a limit on her phone time. This is all new - friends were not a priority in the past and now they are. And her attitude - very bossy, crabby, mean to her brother, disrespectful to her dad and I, and just downright different. She is a very smart girl - GATE student and usually a really good girl. Then, last week, the topper was a boy calling asking her to go to a movie with he and his sister! Totally inappropriate, as far as I can see - she is 10 for God's sake! I know she has a crush on this boy which makes it more difficult and the fact that I won't let her go has really put a strain on our relationship. I've explained to her that she is too young to go with a boy and that her dad and I are not comfortable with it. Period. So since all this is happening, I am finding myself looking back and regretting so much....I used to read to her every night, without fail, from the time she was two until about two years ago, when I starting reading to my son. I would read to her when I could, but I just was too tired after putting my son down - she is an avid reader so I thought she was happy just reading to herself. Well, she would come in often and say "mommy, aren't you going to read to me?" or "can you come and lie down with me?" Looking back, I am sure I was neglecting her due to my 2 year old - I was just so darn tired. I nurtured her often and comforted her, but I cannot even think about these times without crying hysterically. These were times when we would also talk and she would express her feelings or whatever. Now she is a bit closed off and I feel like I lost my opportunity to bond with her. I am trying to rekindle that now, but she seems a little stand-offish. Little things I notice too, like every morning - she used to come see me....now she just goes downstairs and does her own thing. When we got on family walks, she walks ahead of us. My first reaction was to talk to her and tell her how I was feeling, but she didn't respond at all. I now realize that I am putting too much pressure on her - maybe she is going through hormonal changes and doesn't understand it herself, but I don't know why she can't explain that to me. I just need some serious help. As the others have said, I just want to hug her and never let go. I thought the problem was her, but I think it's me...not being able to handle her growing up. It hurts so bad...I just want to stop looking back at her as a child, wishing she was the little girl she once was. I am 48 - so I am an older mom and certainly could be perimenopausal - but I just don't see how this could happen overnight - as the other women have said. Even with my four year old who is a complete angel - you'd think I could be distracted. No, I just continue to cry my eyes out. I've reached out to other mom's - no one is feeling like I do. I'm wondering if I was not meant to have children.....this is just too painful. I don't know how to heal - I see no end....it will just get worse with her going to junior high next year and boys, friends, etc. I'm so scared. I have no interest to find an interest....I am not mentally stable at all. Help.

Yes it is so good to hear that others feel as I have.<br />
I had a miserable childhood and vowed that when I had my children I would slow down and enjoy them. I was in my30's when I had both my son and daughter and even then I kept saying "it is going too fast". Nothing in my life has brought me as much joy as raising them and spending time with them.<br />
My son is 18 and my daughter is 15 so very much more involved with her friends (which I realize is normal)<br />
I will be 50 in a few weeks. These feelings are stil there sometimes but I was VERY bad about two years ago. Cried when I saw pictures. Cried when I saw halloween costumes. Well you get the picture. Anything that brought back that overwhelming feeling of wishing they would still fit in my arms.<br />
I did have my hormone levels checked in detail and although Estrogen was fine, my progesterone and testosterone was low. I've been on Dhea spray and Prometrium for two years. The crying and overwhelming sadness immediately got better! I am also on a low dose of antidepressant.<br />
I realized now that I will be a terrific Grandma ! Ha! But since that is years away I am being proactice and taking steps now to branch out and try to fill some of the empty spots. Nothing will be the same, I know, but I can't sit here and look back for the next 30 years.<br />
I am volunteering at an animal rescue shelter, as I love dogs and have two of them. (BTW highly recommend dogs to heal the heart hurts!)<br />
And I just signed up to do part time classroom aid for a Head Start program in the inner city. My job will be to "get down on the floor and play with preschoolers and read to them"<br />
I miss the innocence. I miss the toddler smiles. I miss the sticky hands and spontaneous hugs. No, it won't be the same as mine, but why not make a difference in the world? Women who feel like us are obviously strong nurterers. And that doesn't shut down after they grow up. Its time to direct some of that powerful feeling somewhere else too.

Hello to everybody, I can sympathise with you all, I too am so pleased I have found this site and finally realise that I am not the only one feeling like I am at this moment, I too am crying buckets while I write this.......I have a 18 year old daughter and I can not remember feeling this bad when she left Primary School....My son who is 11 left on Friday and I just so wish now that I had just let my Mum pick him up, I have been crying non stop since then.....I had been feeling not an ounce of sadness up until that Friday I was even putting together the videos I had taken over the years of Class Assemblies and Performances and Had given it to the School for them to show the children on their last day, I had been watching them with my son and we were laughing at how cute everybody looked when they first started in Nursery. I was happy for him to be moving on to Secondary School, we had been for a few visits he was excited about everything and I was too so I have no idea where all this sadness has come from, I feel a complete wreck......I never used to pick up from School at the end of terms because I always found it too upsetting but because this was the end of an era I thought I needed to be there......My son was saying all week that he was glad to be leaving and not upset at all, I just thought hey hes putting on abrave face and trying not to cry (he is usually very sensitive) and it will hit him on Friday. How can he not be sad after spending 7 years (including Nursery) at the same School with the same Teachers that I know he loved so much? but I was shocked, I was expecting him to come out in floods of tears like a lot of his friends but he just handed me his bag and said could he go to the park with his friends for a while.I so was expecting to hug him and wipe away his tears and say everything was going to be ok, daft I know but thats what I did with my daughter... All the other parents were reading the children's leavers books and crying at the comments the Teachers had wrote about their kids, when I asked my son where his book was he said he didnt have a one and didnt want to make one. I was so upset. He seemed to have changed in a day!!! He just sat on a bench with a few of his friends waiting for me to finish chatting to the other Parents. One of the Parents pointed out that he looked like he was about to cry and I just said 'Oh he will be holding it back till we get home, doesn't want to show his emotions' How wrong was I? He hasn't shed a tear at all but I've shed enough for both of us!!<br />
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Anyway I let him go off to the park and he arranged to walk back to my Mam's house and stay there the night like he has done every Friday for as long as I can remember. I went home and thats when it hit me like a ton of bricks, I started to cry and feel like I haven't stopped since.....I too feel like I am grieving, everything I see reminds me of him, I feel like I want him here all the time. In fact my Dad had to bring him home on Friday night because I couldn't bear being without him, my daughter was at work and my husband was playing golf, I felt so alone and so sorry for myself, I was crying down the phone to my mam saying I want to pick him up and My mam said that I wasnt to drive in such state. Consequently when he came back home I rushed to hug him and he hugged me back looking at my bleary eyes and I could see him thinking 'mams lost the plot!!!' All weekend I have been trying to get closer to him (we are very close anyway but lately he is pulling away and doesn't need me as much) and trying hard not to go back to doing everything for him, I don't want him to pick up on my vunerability at the moment and think hey mam will do anything for me at the moment. Saying that I did get up at 7 on Saturday morning and tried for 2 hours to get his X Box working for him, he hadn't been on it all week because it wouldn't download updates, I knew nothing about X boxes until Saturday morning by the way!! I did get it fixed and I couldn't wait to go upstairs and wake him up and tell him.....and yes I got my reward....... a big hug and a big Thank You, I was ecstatic!!!....... for all of 20 minutes I think it was until he started ignoring me when I told him to get dressed and have his breakfast.<br />
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Today I am working from home on my own as I have done on a Monday for 15 years, usually my son is at School, my daughter is at College. I appreciate the peace and quiet until they all come home later. Today with it being School Holidays my Son is as usual at my Mams and I am struggling to get through the day without crying on the hour every hour because I miss him so much!!!!! What on earth is going on ????? I was tidying up earlier and found the Key Ring off his School Lunch box and the waterworks started again, I had to stop myself going into his bedroom this morning to put his clean clothes on the bed because I couldn't face crying again, Everywhere I go there is reminders of him, I agree entirely with Debbie its like I have lost him it is very strange feeling. He is not usually here on a Monday anyway, School or no School but I can't get it into my head, I just want him here!!! To make it worse My husband has just phoned to say he is taking him out to play golf tonight (which I am chuffed about because I always say they don't spend enough time together) but I am also devasted because I now won't see him for even longer.....<br />
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I am not stupid, I know he is growing up and wanting his independence, he is on his way to puberty and I know this will get worse, I know he doesn't need me as much but to be honest I have always pushed independence on my children, (I had everything done for me when I was younger, my mother even spoke for me!!! ) so I always tried to make sure I didn't do that with my children and made them do things for themselves. I suppose it is harder than with my daughter because I just honestly didn't have any teenager problems with her at all, no moodiness, no back chat....nothing and she is a lovely young lady who has grown to be my friend as well as my daughter......With my son, we have the moodiness starting and because we have been very close, its hard when he pushes me away, I suppose as well I had post natal depression with my daughter so I didn't have the bond with her like I did with my son. I love them both so very much and my daughter and I are really close now but we were never as close as my son and I have been.<br />
Well, whether anybody has read this or not, I feel so much better getting all of this out in the open, and like I said, to see that I am not alone and reading everybody elses experiences, I was beginning to think I was going mad.

I feel just the same, in fact ive found this site only because i was sitting crying after realising the happiest years of my life are over, my son turned 14 today and my daughter is 15. Of course i am proud of the fantastic people they have become, but it has been so quick. I look at mothers of young children with envy and cry when i think about the fact that I will never again experience those wonderful times. I have a job that I love (with children) and i go to the gym, where i have met other mums who are trying to fill their time so as to not "think" to much . I long to go back in time and do it all again. Its the school holidays and in the past this would mean fun days out with the children, they now make their own plans with friends and I smile and watch them go and when the front door closes I cry. I dont want to meet with friends I want to be with my little children. no one warns you how hard this stage in life is. It hurts so bad (im sobbing just typing this). I thought i was the only one who couldnt watch videos and look at photos of the children. At least i realise that others feel the same strong emotions that I do.

Thanks jennifer- I landed on this site tonight for the exact same reason. My middle daughter celebrated her 10th birthday today, and I've been sobbing unexpectedly for the last few hours, mourning the loss of my little girls, even though they're both still here :(

My heart goes out to those mothers who have one child. This must be so much more difficult for you. I have 3 children and as the older ones reached milestones it was sad but I always had my youngest. When my youngest moved to High School that was when it hit me like a sledgehammer. I cried and cried for a whole month. Ended up on anti-depressants which took the edge of it somewhat but the grieving and sadness persists two years on. I tried to talk to other parents but they didn't feel the sadness to the extent I was feeling. Some were glad to have their life back. Maybe it hits us who make the children our lives, I don't know. I felt regret too lke I wish I had spent more time with them and so on. To me the grief of my children growing up is sadder than the grief I felt over the death of my parents. I can't throw things out because I don't want to ever forget those precious times. I constantly imagine them younger, what they looked like but I can't look at photos or videos, it's too painful. I can't let go of those memories.The thought of them eventually all leaving is the most awful feelilng. I cannot imagne my life without them and I seriously think when that happens I really don't care if I live anymore. I know this is not normal and people telling me to find a hobby/interest makes me even sadder. I don't want to replace them with anything, anything at all. They are my life, my hobby, my interest, without that I rather die than suffer the loss of them. I know this is wrong and I wish I didn't feel this way but I can't help it. I know I will be in their rooms crying and grieving. This is so awful. I wish I could just turn the time back and enjoy their childhood all over again.

i feel exactly tthe same ,in fact its word for word how i am currently feeling . i feel so silly as i need to be enjoying my daughters life. and i should be glad she wants to share so much with me .she is 13 and a happy, clever girl with lots of friends and family who love her , yet i feel so so sad.<br />
i am going to see my gp and hope he will listen and maybe help me feel happier again, i really want to enjoy every single day, month, year and not think yrs ahead of myself .and worry about things that arent even happening . these are precious memories i am darkening by worrying .

listening to your story sounds like my own I recently wrote in "grieving about memories of my children" i really know what you are going through it is so tough and as much as people can talk to help you you still go away with a sadness, I'm still wondering if it is depressed related of which there could be help as very few Mums I know feel the depth of despair as I do. I am surprised that this is not spoken of more, as I thought it was just me until I came on this website. Do you feel its worse when you wake in the mornings? I also find celebrating my children's birthdays hard as I feel its another year I wont see again. Although it may sound difficult and believe me it is, I find it helps if maybe a interest or hobby you like can be taken up, its a little bit of therapy, the more you think about how you feel the more you feed the depression. Your not on your own it is toughx

I know exactly how you feel, I'm going through the same thing too, over here. And I'm 49 & perimenopausal...so that definitely dosen't help! I've been re-assesing my life goals & ambitions other than the kids...because as we know, that (raising kids) won't last forever. So I'm getting involved in a little online business to have something else to "invest" myself in while I go through this horrible feeling of loss...it helps a little. And so, that is the best I can advise to you...find a little something to preoccupy your thoughts...something you can invest yourself in & watch grow...something that makes you feel happy...maybe back too school online, or volunteer as the other responder suggested. I know it's hard...I understand.

I don't think the problem is that your daughter is turning 14. You sound like you have a major depression. I once had a change of meds and was crying for 2 weeks until I told my dr and he told me to get off them immediately and come in. I knew my thinking was distorted. You need to see a therapist who can prescribe meds. Or maybe see your primary dr first and tell him/ her how you feel. Please get some help! When we have these chemical reactions going on in our bodies, our thinking and emotions get all screwed up

Greetings.<br />
I think perhaps that my mother was in a similar situation. I always wanted her to understand one thing, and it always seemed as if she had no strength: Find a purpose in your life that gives you hope. Sure, you can trust God and so on, but any bible says that we all have free will, and that we choose our life's choices. One can be optimistic when one is trying in their life, but to have blind trust while doing nothing... is silly. We have to use our lives to the fullest. Could you not find something that you could feel passionate about? Maybe helping others, maybe working or volunteering for a non-profit? Something that when you get out of bed, you can not wait to get involved, something fulfilling. I do not know about you, but my mom never had that something, and when I came along her necessity for a purpose was obscured. Now that she lives far away it is once again painfully obvious.<br />
I can see now and again that my mother is angry, or tries to be controlling with me (as if that would give her a purpose), but our friendship has suffered and I feel sorry for her even though she tries to not overburden me with this.<br />
I am not writing this to vent, simply put: I do not want the same thing to happen to someone else. Please find a meaning, hope and passion in your life (and do not rely only on the meanings others give you: like a husband or a daughter). Everyone will love you for that, and you will lead by example.<br />
Best of wishes.<br />
Maria