Depressed Over Memories Of My ChildrenHi, I woke early this morning in tears flooded with memories just constantly flipping over in my head and it is always of my children when they were small. I am 35 years old and these memories just paralyze me almost to the point i can not function, i am so glad i found this website.
It all started after i gave birth to my third child, she was about 8 months old when as one person described it was like a bolt, overnight i became very anxious very obsessed about my 2ND daughter whom then was 7. I couldn't help this overwhelming feeling that i wanted back again what i had with her when she was small. I really cannot begin to explain the grief i felt for her it was almost like i was morning her past gone, I got obsessed finding photos i had of her and beating myself up that i never really took enough. It was just a terrible place i was in, full of guilt, my husband couldn't understand me, i lost loads of weight and looked tired all the time I couldn't stop crying. Every moment of time was spent grieving for my daughters past, I even got up one night and woke her just so that i could be with her, we went down stairs made a hot chocolate and gave her a book i had bought for her.I love my children all the same but for some reason this obsessive thinking was just focused on her.
I went to counseling but i cant say that that helped, I have also been on antidepressants but it did not take all the anxiety away,i think it was just time.
My third daughter is now 3, 4 in June, and i still in this way of thinking but not so obsessed as i was once i still cant look at photos. I have also since had another daughter, now just turned 2, I think having her did help me in some way. But now i look at my 2 youngest and feeling sad watching them grow up, i am dreading my 3 year old starting school, i just cant think that far, my husband keeps telling me i should embrace watching my children growing up, i don't want to look back one day just remembering all the sadness hanging from the memories, i wish i could just let go and be in the picture instead of looking on at one, it is so tiring and a drain of my creative brain.
bowwater 31-35, F 4 Responses 0 Feb 22, 2011