I'm So Depressed About My Children Leaving Home...

My 19 year old son left about a week ago to join the Air Force, and my 23 year old daughter left two days ago to move to another state. I'm so proud of my son as he had to really work hard to get into the Air Force, and my daughter moved to be with her fiance'. I'm just simply devastated. It truly feel like someone has ripped my heart from my chest. I've tried to talk to their father, friends, and family and it just feels like no one around me understands what I'm going through.

My children were everything to me. I put my absolute all into raising both of them and doing all types of activities with them, even sometimes at the expense of my own best interests. I understand they grow up and need their freedom, but for some reason I just can't seem to let go. I am so proud of them and so happy that they're establishing their own lives, but I get so depressed whenever I have even a simple thought of them. I've quite literally been crying for over a week now. I really don't know what to do to make this feeling go away. I can't even walk by either one's room without bursting into tears. I don't understand why I'm unable to overcome this sense of great loss. I'm blessed that they are healthy, intelligent young adults, yet I'm depressed. I'm very aware I need to move on with 'my' life and find new things to devote my attention on, but I enjoyed being a mom and spending everything I had on my children. I've considered fostering, and/or adopting but it's not possible at the moment for me.

I'm just grateful to have found this website and found there are others who are experiencing similar feelings. It helps to know I'm not crazy or overreacting. Thank you for sharing your feelings and showing others like myself this isn't so abnormal.
rschaniel rschaniel
46-50, F
28 Responses Oct 18, 2011

You described how I feel, my son is 20 and just moved out.

I'm the youngest Child in the family , my two older brothers left like 8 years ago or more to another country for college and now they're settling there and they've changed a lot and they visit us once for every year . And now not even a couple of months left for me to leave either , and all i'm thinking of are my parents and especially my Mom . i don't wanna leave them and I don't wanna change . Whenever i think about this and how things are gonna be here when i leave , i start weeping and getting saddened.now I start feeling psychically sick and guilty in the meantime. i'm not sure whether i should leave or stay with them. In a nutshell, it's not just you as a mom , who's depressed and has mixed and anxious feelings. It's likewise. Maybe your children are experiencing the same thing. I 'm sure i'm gonna be alone as well along with the hard homesickness and the culture clash ( i'm leaving from my native country to another one. It's even harder for me :( )I hope you and i and all people who are suffering and having this bad experience , will adjust and get used to it.and find a way to overcome these bad emotions.
Now should I think about me or them or considering killing myself is a good deal?

I really need some help here... I am a single dad and my 28 year old son still lives at home.... And while I could kick him out, I have learned that at age 53 im just as dependent on him as he is on me...
In 2011 I lost my cush job and haven't been able to find work in the same field.... As I've gotten to the point where I'm too expensive compared to a younger hire.... Thus I find myself now at 53, underemployed and but for my son assisting with rent id lose my home.
On the flip side, my son hasn't been easy.... At a time when I had the means to pay for his college he wasn't prepared, and through a divorce that brought me from San Diego to Utah.... My son hasn't adjusted well, hasn't being willing to discipline himself to manage his own money dispite many attempts to teach him and thus he has substantial debt and to top it off has an alcohol problem that just cost him his third DUI and thus more debt.... I haven't bailed him out on this, it's his burden, and I've also decided to make him pay rent ($375).... If he wants to live home and he's responsible for his own debts and food...,
So we are at this very awkward strange place where I need him and he needs me.... It's SCAREY as hell for me and I live in constant anxiety that after all I've done in his life to help him at some point he'll just bail on me and leave me too old and unhealthy to find a new partner.... Suggestions? Is anyone else in this type of situation?

Crying right now about my son leaving. Doesn't get easier gets harder

I bet it's harder for your son either. It's a reciprocal feeling.

My daughter just left for University and I gave my life up to raise them. I came with her to settle her in her condo and all was good till this morning when she woke up and told me to get a hotel. My heart is broken. My kids don't text or call me. They want to be left alone. I truly believe I will die if a broken heart

I feel like I can't emotionally handle this. As though I am thrust into this next stage in life I simply am not ready for. I feel as though something is breaking inside of me. I had my son very young. He was a blessing as he saved me from myself. He was my motivation to work hard and not become a stastic. I have always been a single mom. I have always worked. I am always in school. I try to set a good example. My son is disabled and feels as though he is a burden on me. He wants to show the world he can do it-live on his own. Well, share an apartment with his childhood friend. They found a very nice 2 bedroom 2 bathroom in close proximity to my home. It's in a nice complex, safe, and close to everything. My son does not drive. He is in school online and has several years to go as he is working on robotic engineering. He is bright but has agoraphobia and OCD. I worry that I am not going to be able to watch over him. To nudge him. He and I have been the closest of friends since his birth. We grew up together in a way and crack jokes over who ends up using a walker with a horn first. We share so much, even our quirky OCD routine. It's like a perfectly choreographed life sized Tetras game in our home. We laugh and joke and prank each other. He gets me gifts just because to show me his appreciation for my hard work. I love being a mom more than anything. I have fostered 19 children the prior 6 years with the blessing of being able to adopt my special needs daughter. I have only my children. I do not have a family. The thought of his move feels like a death. The loss is unbearable.

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so much like you. I have 4 kids and love them dearly. I also enjoy spending all I have on them. I want them happy and it makes me happy to know they are. They are my life. I often think ahead and wonder and worry about them all being gone from my house and it scares me deeply. I look forward to seeing them everyday and being silly or just talking or whatever. I can't imagine my life without them. I honestly can't figure out people who can't wait for their kids to leave! My oldest son just left a few hours ago to go to Florida. That's like 20 hours away. He's starting school there in 10 days. I sit here crying. I've been a mess for weeks knowing he's going. The school is 85 weeks long. I'm gonna have to save some money up cause there's no way I'm going that long without seeing him. He just ended his 4 year army active duty. Was in Afghanistan twice. If ever I had a broken heart that was it. It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through to watch your 20 year old get on a plane to that place. Twice!! Those were 2 very hard years for me. Now he's using the army money for schooling. I'm so very proud of him but very sad he's far away again. Only consolation is he's in USA. I packed up a lot of stuff I knew he'd need for his new apartment and he left. He's driving and he's about 5 1/2 hours into his trip now. He's texting me his locations every now and then. You'd think id be used to him being away but I not. My heart hurts as I write this crying. I've missed so much of him the last 4 years. My second oldest daughter was in college but only 1/2 hr away for 2 years do I saw her often even though I missed her being around and just doing stuff with her. Her last 2 yrs of college she moved back home and commuted. I also have s daughter on 11th and starting to lol into colleges and I feel those feelings of abandonment coming through since she's talking bout far away colleges. Then I have a my youngest son in 10th. He's a mans boy too. I love them all so much. Totally unconditional. Their father is emotionally abusive which has made us depend on each other even more. I'm one of those moms who wouldn't mind their kids living with me forever. They're my world.

I started having children later than most and tomorrow my 18yo daughter is moving away to start university. I have 2 other children and love them both but my daughter is also my best friend.

My wife does shift work so my eldest daughter has been my companion in the evenings when my other children have gone to bed. The idea of watching our favourite TV shows alone is unthinkable. It's 4am and I can't sleep. I don't know how I am going to get through tomorrow and the days, weeks and months ahead.

My son left for college over 16 months ago and I still feel very sad and empty. He is my only child. I love him with all my heart, he is my best friend. We have an amazing relationship. He hasn't just gone to college, he has left the UK to study in New Jersy, USA, an amazing experience. I am so proud of him having the courage to do this at he age of 19. However, the emptiness I feel is awful and the tears just keep coming, and it just doesn't seem to get any better. I do not let him know how I am feeling, it would be unfair to do so. He is brilliant at keeping in touch, using facebook and skype, he tells me all the exciting things he is doing and sends me lots of photographs too. My husband and I have been to visit which was wonderful and gave me peace of mind once I could see where he is living. My son has been back twice for visits, but each time we take him to the airport to return my heart breaks a little bit more. My husband and close friends are very supportive and I am very blessed to have this understanding, however, I am lost and the pain will not go away. I guess this is what being a mum is all about ♡

I feel the Exact same way. My son moved 3,000 miles away and I cannot shake the pain/tears. We were so close and he made me laugh so hard. I have my husband young daughter so I'm not alone but I cry so much I just can't believe he is not close. I am fine with him moving out...but so far away? I curse mi weather I now hate it here and want to move out there.. Must be losing my mind. I am so sad, I need to move on - I hate being such a baby.

I too spent my whole young life as a young mom who was at home and doted and spent all my time with them.....My oldest moved to Massachussetts, I middle one after marrying her husband, who unfortunately is not family oriented at all, left all his family behind and took my daughter with him to Portland, Oregon....we live in NJ...yes NJ is expensive to live and not the nicest place, but there are mountains and water falls and beautiful scenery in nearer states....my husband and I were very close to Shannon, the one who moved away to Oregon....she was very close to us and saw us alot! No we will see her once a year....how do I handle this?? My husband feels insignificant in their eyes and no longer cares for her husband because he feels he brain washed her to move far away from us.....Thank God I have one young daughter who lives neart us and she is wonderful and spends as much time as allowable with us...My oldest daughter, we never even hear from.....I also would love to adopt....but we are in our late 50's now and both work....so I have been asking God to remove this horrible emptiness and feeling of almost betrayal....which I know is wrong....they have to live their lives...just never though two of them would be so so far away........

All three of our child have left our state. Each of them is married and have children. Our son did 16 years in the Air Force and eventually moved back to Japan with his Japanese wife and their child. One of our daughters has been married 3 times and 2 years ago, moved with her two darling girls to Oregon to be with yet another husband. Our youngest daughter moved out of state with a young man, upsetting in itself, yet ended up marrying another, who has no interest in living in our state. We were a conservative family and put all our eggs in the family basket. I to have been devastated at this sense of loss. My husband grieved for several years and has managed to let go. I am a busy working woman in my mid 50's. I own and operate a small business. This should be enough activity to keep my mind off of them. Apparently with the changing demographics of the country, we must expect and understand that our children could eventually move away to secure employment, or to be near spouses family or for any number of reasons. This generation simply doesn't put a lot of value into family ties. Last winter my husband and I sought counceling for this grief. Only to imformed that it's ok to feel sadness, it's exceptable to cry from time to time, but more over, to think about ourselves from now on. We were the couple that disliked the bumper sticker "I'm spending my children inheritance!" that we saw on many vehicles and motor homes in the 90's. We thought it was a negative and arrogant, selfish way to think. Now we are forced to think selfishly ourselves! I enjoy gardening, travel, watercolor painting, sewing, beadwork, art galleries, boating, walking, scenic drives and my little dog Gretchen. But nothing can take the place of our children in my empty heart. I am thankful for my faith, in a knowing that someday in heaven we will be reunited. It's what I long for.

My daughter is leaving g for uni 6 weeks time and I have been crying about the house for a week now. I try to hide because I don't want her to feel guilty about starting a new life. I know she'll come home some weekends and holidays but I still feel as though I'm dying inside. The thought of walking past her empty room, not having our long chats, not seeing her in the kitchen cooking or making her tea,shopping the list is long it's killing me inside.I have 5other younger children one in particular who is 16 who will her leaving has also made me think that he too will fly the nest soon. Or thou I'm happy for them I hope they'll be really happy I'm so scared about about the future and feeling like this every time one of my children leave.I have a young baby and it's affecting how I look at her, I'm trying to concentrate on her and my younger ones but it's been difficult.I hate feeling this way I hate the feeling of loneliness. Tears are streaming down as I write this..I never saw this coming I thought she would be with me forever.

im a single dad who raised 2 sons after the divorce. my oldest lives just down the street and my youngest is in the process of buying a home. a small starter home.since this started it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest/ i walk byt the bedroom and i bust out crying..i know there suppose to strike out one day but for 20 years i have neen both mom and dad. he is and was my best friend. we did a lot with each other..hes not going far but being here witha dog and a fish just doesnt get it...i dont know if im suppose to feel this way or if its normal...i hate the idea...just feels like im useless all of a sudden...all i know is it hurts alot...

How long does the pain last? My daughter began college in August and it still hurts so bad.

I am experiencing this all over again myself. My married daughter and family have been offered a wonderful opportunity in NY, I had been dreading this and trying to prepare myself, but it is part life I had to tell myself and boy' that doesn't make it any less heartbreaking because today as i reminded myself, after all I left my mom to make my own life didn't I?...I experienced a guilt and (my moms loss) when I left, I don't remember feeling sad to leave just excited to start my new life..way to go is this pay back..now' just part of life. It is not an easy thing to get through.

Twelve years ago my three children left at the same time. This same daughter and her husband with their new baby had lived with me then when they decided to make their own home, I was happy but also selfishly sad and to top this in that same week my youngest son who had been planning to leave for a couple of months prior, left to another State now' if that was not enough my older daughter informed me that within a week she and her two babies would be leaving to another much farther State..I was devastated I don't know how, with my three children and grandchildren leaving. I just don't know how I made it out of bed and to work each day..I really don't even remember much except that i would come home eat bath and sob..I would look at others and ask in my mind have you ever hurt as much as I hurt?? I remember my neighbor coming over one day after my kids had all left to ask a question, poor guy he just didn't know what to say fortunately I was his adopted mom and he did not think I was nuts for crying to him..I went about 3 weeks grieving and missing my children terribly when, I was given a three week old puppy. I really do think that little guy was heaven sent he helped me so much in my healing...between work and puppy and spring time with my flower gardens I was able to get through. I did not have any real close friends as my siblings are my best friends and they also all live in a near by State from me..It was a sad situation. I look back,I cried, I worked I existed. I would speak to my children as they would tell me all about their new lives..I would laugh and joke as we always did and then I would say great i will talk to you later and click; I would sob again' One thing, I did feel it important to take care of and not abuse myself as far as my diet..I made certain I had my healthy meals and attempted to get my rest even though it was hard for me. I felt that I would feel better after a good cry and that is how I was able to get through...Now 12 years later my daughter is moving away so far away from here. My wonderful little puppy passed away a few years ago so he is not around to hear my cries and place his head on my shoulder. I am now thinking how will I make it? I will be out and about sometime and I will not have the option to steer the wheel in her direction for a quick hello and hug. In the last few years through the grace of God I have come back to my faith and attend Mass regularly during the week my faith is my rock. God has kept me emotionally and spiritually nourished, upbeat, and calm and I am depending on Him this time to help me get through this..I work out of my home and will need all the strength to keep me going.
I and many of us understand the pain, it is a real pain and I firmly believe that it is ok, to allow ourselves to mourn and allow our feelings to come through..use our family, friends to help get us through. These great sites online are truly wonderful, we come to these sites to speak of our pain and just reading about others with the same heart break helps in the way that we want to reach out to others to help them heal and that in turn is healing for ourselves, work keeps one busy at least 10 hours of the day and. Sometimes you may just decide you just want to sit and cry, that is ok too". remember crying releases those healthy hormones that transform a band aid effect on our distress. In writing this I feel a little better already. Tomorrow is another day but I will deal with that tomorrow. This time around my faith in God is what I know will help me get through..as bsgs writes we are still an example to our children and perhaps when we heal from this we can speak to them about this as yes, they will also go through empty nests. to Norhtdakota65 the pain will be there but we can work with it. Learn to be your best friend and find comfort in knowing that your daughter is alive and well and she is happy and living her dream right now. One day you can share your tears with her and this will help her when her time come. Stay well smile through your tears and be ok..God Bless

Hi. I don't know what year you wrote this! This is 2015! I can sure relate to you! I have had so many losses and Six children leave!! You would think I would be an expert lol!! I am in such pain, some days are better than others!! Today is hard!! My 26 year old hasn't' even left and has until May to do so. Yet I am doing premature grieving!! I thought he was gone this morning and burst into tears. The other night I went in his room and sobbed that I will love him forever!! He is the ours in our blended family and 26 years old has his degree, likes to party etc etc. anyway my therapist kicked me in the but yesterday and told me a responsible parent will let go and stop jumping the fence and enabling him to stay!! That was really hard to hear but what I needed!

Anyway I just would like a friend that can relate and has gone through similar feelings!! Some to either talk too or text to !! I am turning my life over to God to give me strength to get through this!! I do have a lot of support for myself but it is nice to have a friend that really understands the love and devotion to their children!

Hey girl, and a big ditto here.... Was holding out hope that my youngest (who is in the air force) would be back with his family. Was just notified that he will be moving to New York (Missouri here!) So trying to decide how to make gardening or camping as important as my kids. Does not even hold a candle to it.
My poor hubby.

Hi deber114. I feel the same way as you do! My 19 year-old son just informed me last night that he is going to move in with my 21-year-old son. I am devastated. It was bad when the 21 year old left, and now this! I just keep breaking down and crying...I even started crying as he was telling me his plans. I couldn't help it! I feel bad because he is so excited to be living on his own..his friends are all living in dorms or apartments and I guess he feels like he needs to also. I still miss my other son immensely, and get angry sometimes because he never even comes around anymore, but lives only a few miles away. I am so afraid this will happen again. It's like they just don't care!

1 More Response

I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way, it's a strange feeling, we brought our kids up to be so independent knowing that one day they would leave home, but I never expected that I'd be so upset. I know that I will stop crying after all you can only cry for so long.. but no one ever tells you about this stage of life xx

My son is also my whole world since his father died and I am sad and cry frequently. He is getting married soon and although I am happy for him as he is happy I just cry because I feel un wanted and dont have anyone to care about. I feel its another loss and feel isolaated and dont have any purpose to my life anymore.

I am experiencing the same thing. My husband died when my son was in high school. We are very close, and get along great. He got a job in Japan and just left today. I waited til he was gone, then cried for an hour, just sobbed. I feel so alone, lost and left behind.....just like when my husband died. i wont see him for at least 4 months and it's killing me inside. I too feel no purpose to my life without him here. Just dont know what to do with myself

I know how you feel. My son left for collage, its his 2nd year and It seem to get harder. The reality of him never living with me again is heartbreaking. My husband, his father is no comfort. I have tried to find other intrests but for 18 years he has been the biggest part of my life. I'm told just have to face reality. my son is pre-med and I'm so proud and don't want to hold him back or worry him with my hurt feelings when he is to busy to come home or call as often as I'd like. so how do I go on. one day at a time.

Got 3 boys. 1st just left for college. Really sucks. Not sure what I'll do when other 2 leave. This sucks...

I totally understand what you are going through. I too am having a hard time letting my go my daughter, now 23 and married even, and my son, who is 20. It's just hard to allow them to just go and do everything without you. I worry about them so much in so many ways and I feel like they do not need me anymore.

A lot of parents are going through this at this time of year. My hubby is beside himself with worry/grief/depression etc and I find myself crying a lot. Youngest just went to Uni on Saturday so I'm sure it will take a couple of weeks to adjust. He's only 3.5 hrs away so we can drive up and visit whenever we like, but I really think it would be better for him if we let him alone for a bit in order for him to adjust to his surroundings/classes etc. He's living his dream..in the school he wants...the course he wanted so he's going to be very happy. I keep telling myself all the things that others have said..he's going to be fine..let them fly or let them fall...it's only for a short time and then he'll be home to visit...all those things and yet I still feel that I have lost something. The years went by too fast and the boy has become the man. When did that happen? Parenthood is the true definition of the phrase 'bitter-sweet'.

My son moved out at about the same time as one of co-worker's sons went into the Navy. One day we compared notes. It'd been about two weeks and we both admitted that tears were always just under the surface. That we felt like we were on a rollercoaster of emotions. We came to the conclusion that we were grieving. And knowing that someone else was going through this made it feel acceptable that this was what was happening. After about two weeks things seemed to even out. But staying busy or getting involved was<br />
really important. My son has been out of the house for a couple of years now but I'm still working on adjusting to his independence. It's a process for them, and a process for us and it's not always easy. It's very personal but it's also very normal....apparently.:)

It about to kill me my kids are leveing me all at one time..they are all i got in world. I fell like dieing..i hate this

I feel the same I hope it gets better.

Our son came to us last Monday told us that he and his girlfriend are moving across the country (we're in Ohio, they're moving to Washington state) by the end of the month! My husband is sick over this and I am devastated. We have another son here, but we've always been very close with both of them. We have a very small family and I always thought they would have each other. I feel like I've been hit with a brick. I feel sick, I can't concentrate, I can't eat, I can't sleep unless I cry myself to sleep, and I cry all the time. He says this is something they both want to do and he seems to have everything well thought-out. I want him to be happy and fulfilled, but I can't seem to make any progress accepting this, let alone getting over it. I have to go back to work next week (I'm on spring break) and I don't know how I am going to function. I know I have to accept this and move on. I've lost interest in everything. Everything. How am I going to say goodbye to him?

Thank you. I really am trying to accept it, cope with it, and find some perspective.

please tell me how you are doing? i am going through the same devastation..grief and emptyness...my 18 yr old son told me he is moving out right after christmas with his girlfriend, renting a room from one of his friends who inherited a house..he has no job, no car and doesnt even drive, i am beside myself with worry and heartache..please help me to cope if you can

My only son is 20 and in his sophomore year at college. I still get that sad feeling when I walk by his room also. He is very busy as school and doesn't call often. I miss my life with my kids. My daughter also just got married 2 months ago, but has lived out of state for many years. My two kids are ten years apart, so when my son left I'd had a child in my house from 1981 to 2010, that is 29 years! Many days it seems to quiet in the house. Its a new chapter in our lives, going back to a time when we didn't have kids with us all the time. It gives us a second chance to remember who we are, what interests us. We can pursue our interests, make new friends, find meaning in our lives by volunteering or other ways. Maybe part of what we miss is being needed.

Can you please tell we if you came up with any strategies that helped you? I am 24 and I am moving out, but my mother is having a really hard time dealing with it. She is going through exactly what you described. This is making it very hard for me. I feel a huge amount of guilt because the last thing that I want to do is hurt her, but I know that this is something that I need to go for myself. Can you please tell me if there is anything that i can do that would help her?

Call her when you can and make plans to meet her for lunch, shopping, etc. Don't feel guilty, we as parents know its just a matter of time before you will leave. People don't always like change in their lives.

Best wishes with coping with this. My children aren't grown yet. They are only 11,8,6. But I have often thought about that day when I see my oldest leave to go to college, It's hard as mother we have that bond with our children from day one, there really isn't any other relationship on earth that can compare to a mother's relationship she has with her children. I sometimes stare at my oldest and think what a beautiful boy he is turning out to be and what a good man he will become. My husband the other day gave me the sweetest compliment about our oldest. he said " he has turned out so well and such a good boy all because of you!" at that moment nice that he see's that. Because let's face it there are times we question ourselves as mother's when our children are growing up or do things you wish they hadn't. I know it is hard we will all be where you are now, I will be in 8 years. Be proud of yourself for having raised such good people. That as mother's we have the hugest impact on our children lives. They aren't gone in a sense of forever, but they aren't around as much. I know it's easy to type this and tell you. But I know myself when that time comes. I will be such a mess and consoling me will probably be impossible. I hope in time it is easy on all us mothers that have to say bye for just that moment.

I'm so sorry that this is so hard for you. I'm only 19, so I can't really give you any advice on this. I only know that stories like yours are a huge part of the reason I haven't moved out yet. My mother would be heartbroken.

Thank you for your thoughtfulness, your very sweet. I do have to say that we, as parents would be just as heart-broken if we felt that we were keeping you from becoming the adult that your meant to be. There does come a time. I do believe that you do need to get out on your own, and learn to survive by yourself too. It is healthy for you and your parents as well. There has to be a line, where you can become your own individual. Sure, you can still do things together. As for me, I would be sadder if my kids never left, never got married, never gave me grandkids to love and spoil. Life does go on, it's just the changes can be so hard. It sounds as if your very close to your parents as well. Those are the hardest ones to see the changes come into play. But also the most satisfactory. I know that I loved them and did the best I could with them, and hopefully our relationship will grow into love for the closest frendship of an adult that you have ever had. Be honest with yourself on what you want to do with your life. Your parents will encourage you to follow your dreams. Because our dreams are to watch our children's dreams come true. Hugs, God Bless and Good Luck!

I totally understand your frustration. I am a mother of 3. I have stayed home with them since day one. My oldest is in 6th grade and now in jr high sports. My highlights are following her to every game. My youngest is kindergarten and goes to school all day for the first time this year. We live out in the middle of no man's land, on a farm. Although I help my husband out once in a while, I really don't do anything but stay home. Not to mention that I don't have a degree in anything, and driving anywhere to work is at least a half hour to over an hour away. It is almost not worth the cost to drive to work. My children are my absolute life. As they become older, I find myself becoming paranoid of everything. The what ifs? I go through seperation anxiety everytime we seperate. Like taking off to see my sister for a weekend and leaving them with their dad ( my husband, who I absoulty love) for a couple of days. I about couldn't do it. The thought of them leaving to go to college in the next 6 to 12 years scares me. I never want this house to be empty, because then I will be empty too. 2 months before my first was born, I lost my mom to cancer. I survived her loss by becoming a mother. Now that they are older, I have realized that I still have a lot of healing over her and my dad who died 6 years after my mom. I think my depression of watching them grow up, comes from my whole life. I have lost almost everyone who was close to me in my past. From being the baby at home, both of my siblings were out of the house by the time I was 12. I watched a beloved uncle and Grandma die of cancer when I was 7 and 12. They were both next door neighbors. Since my mom died at such a critical point in my life, my siblings and their family's have all gone seperate ways, to where we don't see each other very much. Plus I worry alot about loosing my in-laws, as they too are aging, and I wonder how we will survive on the farm without them someday. I know nothing stays the same. I know too, that my kids will eventully grow up and things will keep changing. My husband has never gone through so many changes as I have and I know my insecurietys stem from my losses in life. So I understand your hurt by not having your kids around. With God's love I know we will survive. Praying for you too. Hugs!