Where Does Time Go?

I am a father of 3 children. 12 yo girl, 9 yo boy and 1 yo girl. The first 2 we had fertility treatments to have, but we decided after the 2 we wouldn't do any more treatments, so if God wanted us to have another He would have to make it happen. We tried off and on for several years and had pretty much given up on the idea of having a 3rd, but just about a month before I was going to have a vasectomy, we found out my wife was pregnant.

It was a tough adjustment, but we wouldn't change a thing. She's such a blessing. She makes us all laugh and has brought us closer as a family.

The one aspect of her being here that I didn't anticipate is that she makes me realize how fast time goes by and how quickly the other 2 are growing up. She makes me think of the future milestones that she will have as she grows up, but at the same time it makes me think of the past with the other 2 which makes me sad.

Before she was here I was enjoying our family and my life as I have been very blessed, but I wasn't giving much thought to how fast the kids were growing up and even though we do alot as a family and we have alot of fun, I wasn't engaging them as much as I know I should on the things going on in their lives, i.e. school, friends, etc.

Now that I'm depressed about them growing up I want to be involved in every aspect of their lives, almost to an extreme. I don't want to be over bearing and push them away.

It's kinda weird I guess. I love them all so much and the older 2 have been part of my life for so long that I can't stand the thought of them not being with us. I know it's the natural progression of life and I keep telling myself that it's good that they're healthy and becoming more independent, but it makes me very sad.

I don't know where to go from here. I need to learn how to live in the moment and enjoy what I have, but I don't know how to do that right now.
ct1976 ct1976
41-45, M
3 Responses Oct 8, 2013

hello, i felt the same when my son was 12. my oldest was already marries and lived separately. i have been with my son in all of his activity and school/ out of school events. i have been ''fighting'' to have him for 5 years... i knew, the time will come... and it happened : he is 19 now and decided to move out and rent an apartment with friends. so many things and projects i've been offered to him in his senior years, he rejected. he did not want anything from me! i tried to push him harder and up, when realizes i am loosing him... no contact... so i had to give up... and accept.
what you can do - just be with your children as much as you can. but on the back of your mind be ready to let them go, when time comes. it is very-very difficult. and i am right in a center of it now.
good luck, do not think about it now! Enjoy time you have!

Reassuring to see men go thru this as well. I feel I could be happy for life if I was able to quit work and just immerse myself in every moment with my 4 and 6 yr old. I have one graduating in 2 weeks and I keep looking back and forth from my 18 yr old to 6 yr old boys and it is a constant reminder of the jarring speed at which life flies by. Ever since my 2nd boy was born there have been moments where I'm almost confused by time and it takes my breath away...didn't I just do this yesterday with child 1? No...I have to remind myself it was 12 years...and how could that be?

I completely understand :(