Sudden Sense Of Mourning

Today we celebrated my middle child's 10th birthday. I've worked hard to make it a special weekend. Her older sister is 11, her younger brother 6. At the end of the day, I was suddenly overcome with unexpected sadness. I've been crying for a couple of hours now, which is unlike me. My girls are still sweet, but I suddenly feel a sense of mourning that they are no longer my sweet little girls. I am not a stay at home mom, but a working professional with a somewhat flexible schedule. I know this feeling is irrational, and it is unexpected. I didn't feel this way when my oldest (also a girl) turned 10 last year. I'm feeling like I'll never "hold" my girls again and it's breaking my heart. Where is this coming from, and what have you done to lessen what feels pretty emotionally painful? My kids are super, and we have a great home life. I am just so suddenly sad about them growing up :(
4812wm 4812wm
41-45, F
2 Responses Oct 20, 2013

Hi. I felt like you do years ago. There was a pulling away; they weren't focussed on me anymore; their friends became all important. One of my girls wouldn't even hug anymore. I was deeply heartbroken about all of this, so I totally relate to your share. I just want to offer you hope. My girls got past that middle school phase and they were very loving during high school. I opened my door to all their friends and enjoyed getting to know them. I had to find that fine line where I could enjoy the fun, but still be a parent and not one of the kids. It worked and I had more years of joy; it did take years before I started getting hugs from one of my girls again. My sunshine girl has never stopped hugging me, but now they're both gone away - on other continents! Enjoy your kids while you have them; in every stage they go through, and know that they will open up to you again. There is much joy is being with teenage kids too. When they're older than that, they're gone. Then you'll be where I am now. Good luck & hugs to you mom. ox

Thank you for this sweet message! If does make me feel better to know others have gone down this path.

I sure have. But I'm seeing now that if you are a good, loving mother, your kids will love you back - just differently at different ages. I've gone thru so many stages with my girls. Right now, for today, I'm happy. But if I pull out the old photos and see their sweet faces and remember this and that thing, then I sink down low. really low. Hang in there. They come back around after tough stages, though honestly it can take a while. I used to pray to Mary a lot and i'm even a run-away Catholic. It worked. Somehow, I always feel like Mary is responding to me as a mother. And now I am too. This forum is great! oxox

Mine is about to turn 2 and I already feel like this. And I can't handle it. I'm getting help and starting a med. :(

hi. I remember that feeling too. Good for you in getting help, including a med! Those two things pulled me through many times in life. But I do want to tell you that you have many many exciting times coming with your child. I know as they leave a stage it feels almost like a death, but it really isn't, and before long you'll love the new phase your child is in. There is love, laughter, and learning in all the phases - both for you and your child. I promise. The transitions are rough, but you'll probably be ok soon. Hang in there! oxo