What Is Left In Life?

Halloween was just last week. It is a hard time for me. When my children were smaller I so looked forward to Halloween, I loved the excitement in my children. This Halloween......I sat on the couch watching TV just me and my husband. I was very depressed. I missed those Halloweens of costumes and candy and trick or treating, scary stories, that precious family time. Halloween is just the start of my annual depression because my kids are grown or at least growing up, My son is 20 and my daughter is 15. Then comes Christmas, which is a lot different nowadays, since Santa vanished a long time ago. The magic left.

I have been a mother first and foremost for the last 20 years. My kids were my first thoughts of the day and my last at night. Now they are slowly leaving me. It really hurts sometimes. And it also makes me realize that my kids have been my life for the last 20 years. Now here I am with rest of my life ahead of me, and I don't know what to do with it. I was so wrapped up in being a mother that I never really thought about what would become of me when they leave me.

deleted deleted
2 Responses Nov 5, 2013

I can relate to this so much. I've been a parent since I was 18 years old. I know that I'll always be a parent regardless, but it is just so depressing when I think about the kids getting older and how they'll pull away little by little till they're gone. I'll miss being dad and going out to the park with them, and helping them with their problems, and holidays, and games, and coloring with my daughter and all those things that make it so special when they're little. I've always been more of the caretaker for my kids too so in a lot of ways I've been like a mother and a father to them. I think life is going to feel so empty when they need me less. Like I don't know how I'll fill that empty space. Really enjoyed and connected to this post a lot.

Oh God, I can so relate to you; what you shared. I want my kids to be babies again, or 5 or 7 or 10 or 12 or 16 or any age younger than they are now. Both my girls are on other continents!!! They're only 21 and 23! I live for skype sessions with them now. and emails. I can make a suggestion. I too lived only for my kids. I didn't even have a husband & still don't. But in the depths of my despair, I realized that I HAD to start trying some new things & make some friends who enjoy doing the things I like; like even go to movies or dinner/lunch or a pottery class. It took me a few years to get this going, so start now while you still have your 15 year old at home. I thought about it for a few years and when they finally both really left, I finally got over my fear of rejection and starting making some women friends. It has made all the difference in the world.
take care & God bless. oxoxox

I've been told this as well. My baby is turning two in a week. U can read my melt down I posted on my experiences. :(