My Baby Girl Just Turned 3 And I Am So Sad About It

Ever since I have brought this little girl in this world I have been dealing with the depression. After I had her I cried for about two weeks before the meds the doctor gave me kicked in. I have 4 kids, ages 17, 15, 8 and now 3. I can't enjoy anything. I feel like I am always so busy that when I finally do slow down, the kids are having another birthday. I feel like I don't do enough. It is so hard to explain and I really don't even know why I feel like this. The whole time around the holidays I try my hardest to make everything special, but the entire time all I can think about is my daughters birthday coming up and then my youngest sons and the end of the school year and the kids moving up a grade, etc. I feel like an idiot. I want to be HAPPY and enjoy these times. Why is it so hard. I try to tell myself that I am doing good and it's several months before these events even happen. It has gotten bad since my baby girl came along though. Her turning three Saturday has been hard for me to accept. I can't believe she is already three and in two years will be going off to school and..... my youngest son will be going to High School, my oldest daughter will be graduating High School, my oldest son is a Junior this year so he will be graduating next school year. I just have no idea what to do. How do I get happy and enjoy these times instead of getting depressed? I just feel lost and like I need to do more and not do other things. I wont even dare go anywhere without my kids. I want them there. Don't want to miss anything. I do go to work, but I don't do anything else without them. It's like I am guilty of something and I have no idea what. I can say when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter it was hard, but I have always wanted her and loved her and took care of her. She can get on my nerves at times, but she will tell me not to get mad and it makes me think. She knows when I am about to get onto her, especially when she takes 5 minutes to decide what she wants to drink. I did go back to work when she was only 4 weeks old, plus all this happened right when I was trying to adjust to putting my then youngest in school. The summer before he started school is when I found out I was pregnant. I know this may all sound silly and the fact is...I really don't know how to explain it, but am hoping that by talking about it and maybe getting some advice will help. My kids are going to grow up and I have to be able to deal with this. I want to be happy and enjoy them...not be depressed all the time. 

4kids4me 4kids4me
31-35, F
4 Responses Feb 9, 2010

I waited a long time to have my baby. Had her at 30. I got pregnant the day before Daddy left for a contracting job over in Afghan. He missed the entire pregnancy. He made it back the morning after she was born. She was a week early. He stayed for about a month and then had to go back. He stayed over there for another year. He did get to visit us maybe three times throughout the year but missed out on pretty much everything. He is now stateside but trying to find the right job while we are in NC and he is now in MO. My baby is about to turn 2 in December and I can not stop myself from crying. I want her to be little again. Small. It went by too fast. :*( soon she will be out n about and I will no longer be the center of her world. On top of it also I gave away all her little things.... even her outfit she came home from the hospital in and her hospital hat. I only have her id bracelet and faded footprints they did. Of course tons of pictures. But I find myself not eating and crying uncontrollably and life just sucks. Will this pass? I feel like my heart is breaking. I even find myself trying to replace the things I got rid of....... :(

my children almost 12yrs and 10yrs old and i feel so sad. i look too far ahead (what could happen in 2 yrs etc)and i dont think for the moment. ( i wish i could ) i feel i worrry about so mch, things that are not even hapening yet, i think too far ahead . what ifs and the buts,and there is no reason why i do this !. my chldren are adorable and are so perfect in so many ways and they are enjoying life at the stage and age they should be. They are not doing things too old for them, not out and about , i know everything they do ,as they are always with me . its just things they say and do that makes me so aware they are growing up and i need to let them now , i have always done and been there so much for them(not that i would change a thing) i would go tot he ends of earth for them, i just wish i knew how to stop thinking and worrying about things that might never happen . i want to love and be happy with the life of my children , and enjoy the times, before they really are up and grown .:-(

I also feel this way. My story is a little different though as I adopted all of my children through foster care. I feel like I have already missed so much and today my oldest son turned 11 it was a great day laughing and fun and all I could think about was how soon he would be all grown and his childhood is almost over it saddens me so deeply that I become overwhelmed by it. i have four children ages 3,7,9,11. I love them all so much and want to enjoy them now and not worry about later but I just cannot seem to get through a single day without feeling sad they are a day older.

I could have written your story almost word for word! I felt the same way when my little girl turned 3. Now she is 6 1/2 and I can say that I'm just barely starting to feel better. but I still don't know what to do about myself because I've lost all interest in the things I used to enjoy. So life is just one big BLAH. I wish we could get together and talk, that might help us. My husband just thinks I'm crazy.