My Baby Girl Just Turned 3 And I Am So Sad About It
Ever since I have brought this little girl in this world I have been dealing with the depression. After I had her I cried for about two weeks before the meds the doctor gave me kicked in. I have 4 kids, ages 17, 15, 8 and now 3. I can't enjoy anything. I feel like I am always so busy that when I finally do slow down, the kids are having another birthday. I feel like I don't do enough. It is so hard to explain and I really don't even know why I feel like this. The whole time around the holidays I try my hardest to make everything special, but the entire time all I can think about is my daughters birthday coming up and then my youngest sons and the end of the school year and the kids moving up a grade, etc. I feel like an idiot. I want to be HAPPY and enjoy these times. Why is it so hard. I try to tell myself that I am doing good and it's several months before these events even happen. It has gotten bad since my baby girl came along though. Her turning three Saturday has been hard for me to accept. I can't believe she is already three and in two years will be going off to school and..... my youngest son will be going to High School, my oldest daughter will be graduating High School, my oldest son is a Junior this year so he will be graduating next school year. I just have no idea what to do. How do I get happy and enjoy these times instead of getting depressed? I just feel lost and like I need to do more and not do other things. I wont even dare go anywhere without my kids. I want them there. Don't want to miss anything. I do go to work, but I don't do anything else without them. It's like I am guilty of something and I have no idea what. I can say when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter it was hard, but I have always wanted her and loved her and took care of her. She can get on my nerves at times, but she will tell me not to get mad and it makes me think. She knows when I am about to get onto her, especially when she takes 5 minutes to decide what she wants to drink. I did go back to work when she was only 4 weeks old, plus all this happened right when I was trying to adjust to putting my then youngest in school. The summer before he started school is when I found out I was pregnant. I know this may all sound silly and the fact is...I really don't know how to explain it, but am hoping that by talking about it and maybe getting some advice will help. My kids are going to grow up and I have to be able to deal with this. I want to be happy and enjoy them...not be depressed all the time.