Is This Real Depression?

Hi, I have looked online and cannot find anything about this topic. I too am depressed and my BABY just turned 1. I put baby in caps because I cherish everytime I can still call her a baby. Since she was born I have cried almost everyday about her getting older. I was sad when she was 2 months old because she wasn't a newborn anymore. Packing away clothes that she grows out of makes me want to throw up.This sounds so ridiculous as I type it, but it is very hard for me. She is healthy and happy and a beautiful baby. I keep telling myself to be thankful and she is a blessing, but I'm sad because I am so thankful and because I do love her so much. I've wanted to be a mom my whole life and wasn't interested in much else as I read on other posts here. Maybe that has something to do with it? I am always looking at her pictures from a year ago and holding her and wishing she would slow down, but not in a normal way. I don't think I should be crying about it this much. I'm not depressed about anything else in my life. I'm happy and have a happy marriage. Does this get worse? If I'm like this now, how will I cope when my last baby is growing up, or even worse when my kids get married, college, move away. I feel like I have to deal with this now before it gets out of control.

Fisherprice Fisherprice
36-40, F
41 Responses Feb 25, 2010

Hi, I googled "depressed because kids are growing up," and this is what came up. I have been very depressed bc my oldest is 18 and leaves for college in 2 months. He got very sick in February and was in the hospital for 6 days. He was diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disorder. He's better now but I worry about him living on his own. I don't know how we got to this point. Seems like yesterday he was a tiny baby in pajamas with feet. I also have a 14 year old who leaves in 3 yrs (more depression) and my baby is 7. Just took him to the zoo and he is too tall for the kiddie rides! That really depressed me! I wish I could turn back time to when they were little! I don't know how this will ever get better unless I get grandchildren one day!

As I sit here watching my two year old boy sing "let it go" I too feel the same way many of you do. In my mind, I think the saddest thing for me to understand is that children are so innocent. As they grow older and interact with other children, and real world situations, that innocence is lost. They become intertwined with society, and let's face it, today's society stinks. It's sad that a child that knows nothing but love can possibly be influenced by the times, also inevitable.
Just my two cents.

Hi there, I'm a 26 year old man and my 5 year old starts school in a few months. I had never really thought about the impact of this until a few days ago and I've not been able to stop crying. Spent the whole day trying to organise old photos and video but going back through them is breaking my heart because I keep focusing on the fact that he wont ever be that size again. I dread the day when he no longer wants to play with me or no longer needs me. I thought a way out of this would be to try and keep in the moment but the present is being ruined by these thoughts and I cant hold back the sadness. I keep getting drawn to the big existential questions and the helplessness of time. I was hoping to read how this lasts a week then subsides, replaced with a feeling of inner calm and thankfulness for the times we have shared together, anyone?? I'm sure most parents experience this to a degree but there does seem to be some common themes here of quite an extreme emotional reaction for some of us. I have these feelings like I am grieving a death then feel ridiculous because he is perfectly healthy and happy. I guess that's what I need to focus on. Hope everyone is holding up :)

Hi, I'm relieved knowing I'm not the only dad going through this. I am 51years old with two daughters, one 18 and away at college. The other is 16, a high school senior who wants to go away to college. I've also been awakened to the real fact that my parents are elderly. It's making me feel very middle aged. I was and still try to play a very active and involved role in my daughters lives. One of the things I cherish is how we used to go walking or bike riding on a bike path ultimately leading to a nice park fir them to play in. Now that I'm mostly riding this path myself I'm finding myself extremely emotional as I reminisce about the many memories of their youth that I want to time travel back and relive them. We have many DVDs of them from birth. I watched one last night that had me too crying. I can barely hold myself together while typing this. I think I'm carrying on too much but i can't help it. The memories i have of the fun and corny things we used to do is priceless. I've been told that im a great dad, but I remember times where I didn't have some patience with them or tried too much to have them keep their rooms tidy. I always set the bar extremely high for myself but I regret so much not being able to. It's a huge shock knowing my girls are growing up and my job raising them is coming to a close. Again, it makes me feel very middle aged. I watch other parents with young children with such envy. I hope everyone out there who feels like I do will cherish as much as possible happy times with your children. You don't get them back.

Me too I'm having the same feeling

I know exactly how your feeling. I'm the same. This is my last baby and I've waited 18 hrs for her. She's now 10 weeks old and I have to stop myself from crying every time I try one of her newborn outfits on as they don't fit. I stopped breastfeeding her last week and I think that's made me worse as I wish I never. I can't stop getting upset about her being older. Hope you get it sorted x

I am a 41 year old father to a 5 and 1/2 year old only child/son. We just moved. We were in another state for almost 4 years. As you can tell, most of my son's life was spent in that house and area of another state. The move, something I was anticipating and looking forward to, has caused very strong emotions to rise. I suppose the change made me look back. For some reason I have been extremely sad after this "look back."

I long for days past, when he was just a toddler, picking him up from daycare, getting out with him on his bike and training wheels. Attending birthday parties. All that.

This all hit me hard. For some reason I want "time back."

I have no problem saying I am a great Dad. I do a lot of stuff with him. The feelings do not seem to stem from any regret about how I have been as a Dad, more about losing something, losing moments, etc. My marriage is great. We are three peas in a pod, and despite us both working and striving hard in our careers, we spend a lot of time with our son.

I realize he is still young. He has not even started kindergarten still. Yet, I cannot shake this feeling. It has been over a week now, and I find myself crying, and just feeling depressed. I love him so much. I have been focusing my thoughts on "things lost" and how certain things we have done in the past are no longer going to happen. It has been hard to get past it, or to shake it. I hope it gets better. "Is this real depression" is a good question because it certainly feels like it. I am normally one of the more positive people you will meet, and I normally feel completely blessed.

I am happy to find this post and site and realize there are Moms and Dads who have gone through the same thing. Thank you. I wish the best for everyone on here. I have gone through some of the posts and will continue through more.

I totally understand and have similar feelings. My daughter is 2.5 years old and I get upset when people comment "how big she is getting" and how "it goes so fast and soon she won't be interested in me etc." I hear those comments since was born and it bothers me so much I don't know how I will make it to 18 years old. Can people just shut up and stop saying negative things " oh she will hate you in high school... soon enough she won't want you to pick her up" ! Her and I are super close and peoples negative predictions of the future really enrage me.

On a good note I can say this- up until now 2.5 it is STILL amazing and she is still my baby. . I was depressed when she was not a "baby" at the milestone 1 year mark- but now realize turning one did not mean she was not a baby. At 13 months, 15 months 19 months she is small and amazing and my baby! And 1-2 years old was amazing and 2-3 years old has been amazing... and for all I know it will always be like this. Its only stupid people and their comments that are the bad thing to me...

Hi All:)

I am the original poster from 3 years ago. I just responded to a message that I just saw and have read that I'm not alone in this struggle.

It has been 3 years since I posted this. That baby is now a 4 and a half hear old little girl. She's beautiful and fun and funny. I do miss her baby days, but I would't trade them for having this little "friend" that I have now. In that sense, it's gotten better. But, I know I still have that same pain. I'm dreading the first day of school, then college etc.

I now have a second child who is 2. So, I have been too busy to dwell on my depression with missing their babyhood. So, this too, has helped.

I also have had multiple friends have children with disabilities and medical issues, some very serious. Seeing what they have gone through has made me even more thankful for my healthy children. I am sad that they are growing up, but blessed that they are growing.

I also wanted to share what has helped me the most. As I said it's better, but I still have the pain sometimes. I shared this pain with a mom group that i attend occasionally. There was an older mom present in her 60's. She tried counseling me on why I felt this. I can't remember if she actually said this to me or I went home and read it afterwards, but there was a verse in the Bible that has made me feel very comforted. It's when God says, " I am the same yesterday, today and always." It's calming to know that no matter how old my kids get or how much they change, or how much my life changes that I will always have a constant in my life with God.

I hope that may help someone going through the same thing. I'd love to hear what other people have done/read/heard/experienced that has helped this sense of loss we feel with our children growing up and us having to "say goodbye" to their infanthood, babyhood, toddlerhood, childhood.

Here it is, I looked it up online:
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8.

This is the worst feeling and the people I talk to don't seem to understand. I only have one child and my life wasn't all that great before I had him, but I've been so happy ever since. He's been a joy every day. I look at old photos and miss all the things he used to do at different ages. I get upset thinking about all the photos I didn't take, all the opportunities to play with him and do things with him that I missed because I was working or tired or stressed. He just graduated high school and I've been having a really rough time for the past several months. All of the 'last time' things we're doing. The last school play, the last school dance, etc. He worked so hard all through high school and got into an Ivy League school 970 miles from home. I think driving away and leaving him at his dorm is going to be the hardest day of my life. I'm trying to reframe it. It should be a happy occasion. And I don't want the last thing he sees of me that day to be my tears. My own mother was needy and clingy (although not particularly loving), and I ended up living at home and attending a small state university due to her manipulations. I'm proud that I have been able to put my son's dreams first even though it is killing me. I haven't really found a way to cope. I try to stay busy, do stuff with my son (as much as he is willing) during these last few weeks, but I still wake up with that sick feeling in my gut at 3 am. I'm in the process of scanning and organizing old pictures to make him a special album of his life to take to college, but the process is stirring up a lot of emotions. I keep thinking I'll eventually run out of tears and feel better, but I never seem to get to the end of it.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I wanted to know how you are doing now. I just found this forum. I thought I was abnormal for feeling the intense dread I feel when I think of my son leaving for college. He has 2 more years of school left, but I already see everything through the lens of "this is the last time...." or "I will miss this so much when he isn't here to do this with me..." He is my first child of two and I stopped working the month before he was born to be a full time mom. I remember those first 3 and 1/2 years when we spent every minute together and I had never loved anyone like that. My husband is wonderful, but there is the indescibable maternal connection with my children. Everyone told us how fast children grow up, so we cherished every day with them. I still do, but it can't slow down the inevitable. I know rationally that my goal and purpose of being a mother was to love, nurture, and give my children wings to fly. I don't smother them and I want them to be strong, emotionally healthy, happy individuals. I try to "hold on loosely", but inside I am so sad. I hope you found a way to make it through the day you took him to college and to feel happy again this past year while he was away. Thanks again for sharing your feelings.

I'm in tears reading this story as I am going through the same exact feeling. I am a mom to a beautiful 14 month old and she is amazing! She's my whole life! I cry on a weekly basis and just as the author above described, it sickens me when I take out her clothing that doesn't fit anymore. I look at pictures of her constantly, I have over 8500 pictures of her and over 1500 videos of her that I have taken everyday since she was born. My phone is at full capacity but I refuse to delete one picture (my husband thinks I'm crazy) so instead I will be buying a new phone tomorrow so I won't have to delete any.
I think what makes it harder for me is that she will be my only child (due to health complications) and I think that makes it harder. My husband looks forward to her growing, communicating, becoming her own person but I want to keep the attachment and her need for me so bad.

It's a reassurance that I'm not the only one going through this...as selfish as it sounds I wish she could stay little forever if not just longer. I know as she grows the experience will be fulfilling but I'm not just quite ready for it.

I've starting going to therapy because my anxiety and panic have worsened due to her getting older and the therapist says this is normal, I just have to learn to control my emotions. Easier said than done.
To everyone out there, I'm right there with you, having your baby (babies) grow up is such a bittersweet feeling. Just wish they stayed litte a bit longer.

Good luck to all and thanks for bringing this topic up.

I\'ve been feeling like this since my daughter was born and she is 14 months going on 15 months soon and it\'s only getting worse.especially your story is soooo similar to mine.i have the same pictures/videos issue with my phone and memory cards and I can\'t bear to get rid of any of her clothes or anything that reminds me of her.I cry at night when my husband & daughter are asleep and just think...how the hell am I gunna deal with her getting older? I already feel like its impossible that she is 14 months........

Wow you are still there, mine are all grown and I can't shake the sadness that sometimes sweeps over me. I sometimes go into their old rooms and tears well up as I look at the lines on the wall where we marked they're growth. My suggestion is don't get too busy to just be with them. Play barbies and read to them every opportunity. Pray with them and for them continually and teach them about the perfect Father. May you be as blessed as I someday with children who I still love more than life itself. A dad

I am 28 years old with a 4 and 1 year old they both have the same exact birthday! I am also very depressed about them growing up I wish I can just put life on pause and enoy these years. Some advice I would tell anyone who wants to cherish these special moments, is to buy a journal. I started about 6 months ago writing in a seperate journal for each of them. Ill write everyday or once a week or even once a month just whenever I have time or if something happens and I want to write it down so I wont forget. Then when theyre older I will give it to them so they know all the funny, silly, sad, and great times we shared.

I just turned 50. I have 5 children 17g,16b,14b,12b,8b. I just found an old DVD of us on vacation in Door County. It is simply a film of us all walking back from the beach and finding a Mayfly. They were 10,9,7,5,1. It made me miss those days so very much. The little voices, the "Mommy and Daddies". The door slamming to the sound of MMMMMOOOOMMM! Halloween costumes, school made paper turkeys for Thanksgiving, and Christmas, ahhhhh Christmas.Sweet memories I will have if I live 100 other lives.

But then I remembered how hard it all was back then. How we struggled financially and worked collectively to make a better life for ourselves. Working 18hrs a day + weekends to make the mortgage payments and keep cloths on the kids backs. Wondering some months if we could? I remember the ear aches, the sore throats, the runny noses, fighting with friends, the clicks, bullying, fighting, the non stop bickering over the dumbest things.

Then I remember how great my wife was (and is). How she made the whole thing shine. Hey, Christmas didnt just happen you know! The birthdays, Chucky Cheese, the milestones. The dancing, the baseball, horseback riding, Brownies, Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, she made it all happen and looked good doing it.

What a team!

In 2007 I was forced to sell my business due to the economy. I worked for other people for a while. Didn't like it much, so I re-started my business 1-1-12. No easy task starting over at 50. Here comes the 18 hour days again!

My kids are older and those little voices are gone for the most part. Replaced with Drivers Ed, girlfriends/boyfriends, dances, and plans for college. The mortgage is paid. Chrissy has gone back to work.

I can honestly say, the 18 hour days arent as fun the second time around knowing that I am not living every moment to feed and cloth those little mouths. I miss being 30 as well!

Cherish all the moments you have with your children not just when they are little.

Take it easy.

I am a 41 year old stay-at-home father to my only daughter. Today we had a small party with family to celebrate her 5th birthday. I cannot express how sad I feel. I am happy she is growing normally, and is healthy and smart, but she is my life, and I feel I lose her just a little bit more every day. I cry constantly thinking about the time that has past too fast, and the experiences that are gone, that I'll never get back, never to share with her again. I cherish her unquestioning love, and that she needs me so much, though it seems less every day. My memories are so crystal clear of everything. It seems only yesterday she was born, and yet now she's not even a toddler anymore. I keep obsessing about my death, and not being around to protect her. I truly can hardly stand it. The crying comes so often. I do get to spend so much time with her, and I have been very lucky in that regard. I know there must be something a bit wrong with me that I get so depressed and emotional thinking about these things that we cannot control and can't stop. Today I watched a Winnie the Pooh movie with her and couldn't stop the tears from flowing. My wife doesn't get this emotional, and sometimes I wonder if she understands, or if she thinks its a bit foolish of me....less than manly. I just can't seem to help these thoughts and emotions that overwhelm me. I just love my daughter so much, I can't even describe it.

Wow your post could have been written by me. (Except I have a son.) Good luck to you. You are not foolish. You are a great Dad!

I have been so obsessed with my children getting older. My older boy will be 17 in december and my younger one will be 13 in November. I can so relate to how all of you are feeling, as I googled this and was happy to find these posts. I agree with you 70s chick about it being bittersweet. I look back on pictures of my children when they were young, and just cry . Is this normal? I don't want them to grow up and leave home. What will I do then? Im really struggling as my 12 year old doesnt like me to use my pet names or treat him at all like a child. Im supposed to be treat him as an adult. Im struggling with all this, as with my younger boy it seemed to happen overnight. <br />
When they were younger my now ex husband and I worked full time. I never got to enjoy their young years as much as I would've liked to. How do I get over this intense sadness and preoccupation with my wonderful sons growing away from me?

I have two boys 11 and 9, and I get a little sad about them getting older. When my kids were babies and toddlers, people would tell me to cherish these moments because they grow up fast. My wife and I both work so we were very busy. I remember telling my wife I can't wait for them to grow out of their diapers, ear infections and naps. Now I look at past photos on iPhoto and can't believe how fast time is flying by. Sometimes, when I think about how fast my kids are growing up, I just kiss my kids on their heads. They look at me like what is wrong with you. I tell them and they continue on like "what ever". I think about grand kids to keep me looking forward.

I feel exactly as you guys do. Exactly. My kids are 16 and 19. I can't believe how big they are now. We did everything together. I got divorced 6 years ago so I spent so much time with them. We did everything together especially during the summer holidays. Long exploring walks, meals out, lakes, fair, festivals. We belonged together. I know growing up is good and healthy and independence is important.....but I miss them. Oh God how I wish we could go back in time and just freeze it. I feel guilty for feeling this way. Having children can be such a bittersweet experience. I often wonder how my parents felt when we grew up. I think similiar because I remember my dad not wanting me to move out. I stayed close to them until their deaths. I, too, feel bad knowing I will not be around forever for my kids. I am going to try and focus on the positive maybe that will help. After all I think we all know that our children have to grow up and seperate from us.I think these are normal feelings of letting go but they are very painful.

Sorry for any misspellings.<br />
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Hello all i am a 41 year old male with two step kids that i love as my own one boy 15 one girl 17 and then two boys of my own 8 years old and 4 months old.<br />
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then there are the 3 cousins ages 13 15 and 16. we always take the cousins on our yearly vacation with us we love to have them all together.<br />
but in the past year reality has set in and is taking over my evry thought they are all about to be grown and gone. college for some work for others who knows<br />
but they are all so close together in age, it will be all at once it seems.<br />
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and i do cry almost daily, how do i explain to my 8 year old he loves them all so much he loves being around them. and my 4 month old will never know the fun times we all had.<br />
yes some people say your lucky you still have two younger ones more time. but it seems like i just brought my 8 year old home he just turned 4 now he is 8. <br />
i dont want this to end i dont want any of them to grow up and move on.<br />
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i love them all, and i feel so broken hearted, and i feel as if my stomach is in my throught. how do i make this stop. i dont want a hobby my kids are my hobby.<br />
please can anyone tell me what they have done to fix this.<br />
<br />
does it go away or get better with time as most heart breaks do?<br />
i just dont know what to do other than cry.

It is amazing that so many others deal with this. My husband and I BOTH deal with this overwhelming sadness about our beautiful boys growing up. It's almost like we waste so much time struggling with it and worrying about the future that we are robbed of the present. It's terrible! I wish we can all overcome these feelings:(

I'm sitting here with my little boy he's 2 1/2 watching Rio " he loves this movie ". I'm watching him and I'm crying because I love him so much and I don't want it to end ;(

I have a 4 yr old son. I work full-time. I feel like I missed so much when he was a baby and 1 and 2 because I have to work. I have also had back pain since he was born. I feel like due to the pain that I didn't and still don't feel like playing with him as much as I should. Hopefully this will get better as I am waiting for my insurance to approve a procedure for my back that will have lasting relief. I have had depression and anxiety since I was 19 and now I am 32. I get depressed about how time flies. I feel like all of the sudden I have a 4 year old and I didn't get to enjoy the baby years. It is like where did those years go. I can't seem to shake this feeling either. I do like the idea of writing the letter once a year. Maybe that will make me feel better. I was so busy with work and in so much pain that I never even finished my child's baby book. It just all makes me really sad but I am trying hard to enjoy every second with him.

I have a 4 yr old son. I work full-time. I feel like I missed so much when he was a baby and 1 and 2 because I have to work. I have also had back pain since he was born. I feel like due to the pain that I didn't and still don't feel like playing with him as much as I should. Hopefully this will get better as I am waiting for my insurance to approve a procedure for my back that will have lasting relief. I have had depression and anxiety since I was 19 and now I am 32. I get depressed about how time flies. I feel like all of the sudden I have a 4 year old and I didn't get to enjoy the baby years. It is like where did those years go. I can't seem to shake this feeling either. I do like the idea of writing the letter once a year. Maybe that will make me feel better. I was so busy with work and in so much pain that I never even finished my child's baby book. It just all makes me really sad but I am trying hard to enjoy every second with him.

Glad I found this thread...wish more people found success with dealing with this though. I've actually decided to go talk to a counselor about this problem so we'll see what she says. I haven't been able to successfully cope with this- I've been crying numerous times a day. While I should be enjoying our time together it almost hurts to look at my son and know he won't always be this age, so sweet and needing me for things.

I just typed a huge response to this thread but it has disappeared so I will try again.<br />
The last year has been difficult as I have been feeling this way too. I have two girls aged 4 and 5 and the last year has brought so many milestones (first day at school, first nativity play, first wobbly tooth etc) that I'm finding it hard. We had very difficult baby years and I NEVER thought I would miss them but as the days and months go by I find myself wishing for that time once more. <br />
I just want time to stop right here and for them never to get any older. I guess my main issue that upsets me more than anything is that I fear the day when I will have to say goodbye to them through death. I just cannot bear that they will go on existing and living their lives without me there to love and support them and just be there for them every day. I do have faith and faith in God but i my dark and bleakest moments I question my faith and think that if there is nothing else, then death really will be the final goodbye and I will never see them again. <br />
Typing this all out feels and looks ridiculous I know, and I feel sometimes that I am getting into a depressive cycle thinking and dwelling on these thought but I cannot seem to help it sometimes. Depression does run in my family and I am worried that these feelings will continue to get out of hand and are the first sign of some sort of depressive disorder. I have not spoken to anyone about my feelings as I feel ridiculous and think that I would be thought of as neurotic and pathetic.<br />
I am trying to embrace the milestones and 'firsts' but it is so hard when I look at my girls and see the baby in them disappearing every day, I can see the young girls and women they will become and it makes me so sad how fast the time has already gone. I don't even want to think about them leaving home as it is already bad enough and they are still with me! <br />
Last month my daughter asked me about what happens to people when they die and I said we go to heaven. She thought about this for a moment and then asked why we bury people if they go to heaven. I said that only the soul or essence of the person, what makes them 'them' goes to heaven, and the body is just a shell that we bury. She then got very upset and asked how she would know me when she got to heaven if I wasn't in my body. She was worried she would not be able to find me again and said she didn't ever want me to go away. So she is also starting to deal with thought of death and dying and being parted from loved ones. This just upset me so much that at 5 years old she was already grieving for a time when we will be parted.<br />
I guess we all just have to have faith that we will someday be together again. I hope you all can deal with the feelings, its 'nice' in a way to have found other who feel like this, particularly as some of you are fathers, which is nice. <br />
I too am thinking of writing a letter to my girls, maybe even one at the same time every year, documenting the changes and milestones in their lives and so that they will have something to look back on after I am gone to remember how much I love them. <br />
Being a parent is so hard yet at the same time the best thing I have done, I never realised how you could love another person as deeply as your children. In some waysI sometimes think it is easier for childless people because there is not the utter fear and despair of being parted from your child, yet at the same time I feel so bad that they do not know the complete love for another human that is the bond between a parent and child, which hopefully will outlast anything - even death.<br />
Good luck to you all.<br />
Louise

yes me too

@ spottyherbert - what a fantastic idea.. I think I may do the same thing... I do that on some of there photo's (write little blurbs etc.) but that is fantastic..... I will do that!!! =)

I often feel like this - it strikes at odd moments. Seeing the curve of my children's little cheeks at a certain angle breaks my heart every time. However, although it is difficult to struggle with these emotions and all this overwhelming love, I would much rather be a sensitive person than someone who didn't care.<br />
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I've often thought about writing a letter to my children to be opened some time in the future - perhaps when they turn 18 or (dare I say it) when I am no longer around. This would be a kind of love letter, saying how glad I am that they came into my life and that, no matter what the future holds (teenage tantrums etc etc) they mean everything to me. That way, I could express exactly how I feel and you never know, it may be a great comfort to them, too. Haven't got round to doing it yet!! Too nervous.

OMG, I thought I was the only person to feel this way... I have been feeling like this for 3 years now.. My eldest being 3 years old and I recently just had my second baby whom is now 4 months old... I feel so scared about not having them around, I cry everytime I think about it... I have been wondering if this is normal or 'too' protective?? =/<br />
When I look back on photo's/videos of my daughter I cry, because I cannot believe just how much she has grown... How fast has 3 years gone for me... <br />
Please tell me how to control these feelings, as I dont think you can get over them really... But I think it is affecting the time now.. You know like I am too worried about the future to enjoy the present...<br />
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So happy I found this fourm, didn't think there would be anything on this subject...<br />
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Hope you all have a happy new year!!! 28/12/2011

Hi everyone, I am the original poster on this thread. I am sorry to hear everyone suffering from what I am suffering from, but also relieved a bit. This is still a daily struggle for me. I find that the mornings are the worst. Since posting this I have had a second child who is now 5 months. The new baby helped fill a void that i missed with my now almost 3 year old. But while I was pregnant and taking care of a new baby, I feel like my first baby turned into a little girl. I look at her and her babyhood is completely gone. This isn't getting any better. I cannot believe my second will be 6 months soon, It feels like I had her yesterday :( I have no idea what I;m going to do when my last baby goes off to school full time. I will go back to work, but it is going to be very difficult to put these years behind me. I'm not even thinking about them going to college one day (that makes me ill).<br />
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The one and ONLY thing that has really helped this feeling is a friend of mine has a baby that has a developmental delay and a chromosome abnormality. She had her baby the same time I had mine. They are trying to figure out what she has and it could be really bad. So, now that my baby is starting to sit up, it isn't as bad as it was with my first. I do feel proud of her.<br />
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I always feel guilty for this emotion because we were blessed with 2 healthy beautiful children. We continue to be blessed every morning we wake up with them. It's just so hard when you love something so much to think about anything changing. I hope everyone has a happy healthy holiday season and can be fully present to enjoy our babies (whether they are 8 days or 18 yrs ;) )

I too am glad that I found this site, I am a Dad an Auissie Dad and I am 36, 37 end of Jan.<br />
I am happy and thankful tha I have a healthy 11 month old little girl she has captured my heart so much that I would gladly gve it to her any day at any whim when ever she asked, wanted, needed and demanded.<br />
I am however sad at the thought of her 'going away' soon she will not be the cute, happy, smiling, playful, energetic, crying, cute clothes wearing little girl I love and give all my heart and smiles and kisses too. She will not have the cute little teeth poking through and she wont be making that sweet baby talk and goo goo gah gah noises that I love so much.<br />
I makes me even more sad to think that the circle of life will take me away from her one day and I really dont what that to happen either.<br />
I find myself thinking about this alot and I cry alot about all of these things and I cherish every moment I have with her and do what ever I an to be by her side to kiss and cuddle her as much as I cna now because one day, I will not be able to do that since she will be older.<br />
Am I ok ???? Are we as a collective groupd of people going thorugh the same emotions, OK?<br />
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I am glad that I am not the only one that has these feelings, I thought I was the only one and that there was something massively wrong with me becuas I thought that nobody else anywhere could ever feel like I feel about my little girl how you all feel about your little ones....<br />
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My little girl, the angel that opens her eyes and brings love, life and happiness to my heart my life and soul.....where and what would I ever do without her.......<br />
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Our lilttle boys and girls,the ones that make us laugh and cry, right up ultil the very end I guess all we can do is continue to be proud of how we have helped them to make the right choices in life to be the best person that they can be and to love them and be proud of them and that when the time comes we will all be together once more.

It saddens me even more seeing that a lot of others feel this way and by the comments looks like it might not get any better. I feel like my sadness is so bad, other moms say they relate but I dont think they understand the pain we feel, its deeper, I had her a big party on saturday and after just felt so sad. Even to the point where Id be happy if God were to take us now Id be happy. I adore hher so much. When I say the clock said 11:17pm and there was only a few minutes left of her birthday it just killed me! I scooped her up and I promised I wouldn't put her down till midnight AT LEAST. I wish I didn't feel this bad and I wish at least someone can hold me and relate :(

Today is my babys 1st birthday :( (only 17 more minutes I am sobbing uncontrollably :( I hate feeling this way. I love her sooooo much. I was horribly sad about this in the first days I had her. I take tons of pictures, I save all her clothes, Im hlding her asleep in my arms as I type. I can't stand this pain. I too feel like I have nowhere to turn.

I am a 42 year old fireman in England, and I sob my heart out thinking of how my two daughters were when they were small. They are 7 and 11 and to look at old photgraphs and films of them is torture. I would like to wrap them up in cotton wool. My job doesn't help. You see too many bad things in the Fire Service, including dead children, in my case. I would give absolutely anything to live the last 12 years of my life over again, but that isn't going to happen. Believe me, you aren't alone. I think I have a problem, but have no idea who to turn to.

So I'm not the only one after all... Now this seems a bit early. My baby is 6 days old & I am already crying. She want stay little long and then teenage years will set in & she will hate me like any other teen dislikes their<br />
Parents ! I'm sad and upset and I just wanna hold her forever and savor these moments for as long as I can.

I'm a 36 year old male and before I decided to had a child with my partner I had to question my faith in God and the after life, the reason was I felt it was wrong for me to bring a child into this world only to have to get old and die and no longer be, and naturally I would not be there to look after her and guide her, but more to the point I felt it was on par with premeditated murder, may sound strange but it just a measure of how serious I took the decision, well needless to say I put my faith in God or something bigger than I understand and now have a lovely two year old little girl, so for me, the only way can feel better about this is by trusting in God and trusting, working on the basic that all I need is faith, this seem to help me......

I too feel exactly the same as the other comments. Always have and worried that it was just me and I was a little odd. My kids are now 13 and 15 and I have struggled with all of the above and can totally identify. After a recent move and big life change I have been struggling with depression. Every thing makes me sad and the kids growing is so painful for me now. I cried on my youngest child's birthday. I feel them growing away from me every day and I have a big hole in my life that I have tried and tried to fill. I can't be positive about anything and miss the time with them too. They love me - I know that - but they don't want to do things that they did even 12 months ago and it hurts. I feel lonely without them too. I always enjoyed summer hols and could never understand parents who didn't enjoy school hols as they were ff too long. I aways feel sad when they go back and each year slips away. I too sobbed with the abba song slipping through my fingers and have always been fully aware that they are. I can't realy say anything to help but I do empathise - I totally get it and am glad there are others out there who do. What we need to do is find solutions - something to help us.

I am so glad to have found this site. I have an 17month old and an almost 3 yr old and i have been sad since it seems they were born. I cry a lot and feel that i never spend enough time with them. I stay home and no matter how much i give i am tormented that it is not enough. Its horrible. I love them too deeply i know and i cant help it . I never knew that i could feel the love i feel for my children but i dont know how to be balanced with it. I know that i should be happy for them to reach their milestones and i am, but there is this undescribable saddness that is always there with it. No matter how many photos i take its not enough. no matter how much i play with them it is not enough. I am so sad about them growing up that i dont feel like i am getting to enjoy them being little and that is sad. I know it sounds crazy and it is but i have not been able to shake it off. i hope i can get over this because it robs you of the time you do have. it really helps knowing that i am not alone and i guess all mothers feel this to an extent.

i thought i was the only one,thankgod i have found a site about this. I too feel too sad. When i mention to others about it, they say it's normal,or other mums say they feel the same. But, theres a limit between feeling bit sad,and crying on their 1st day at school etc, and then crying or feeling down nearly every day. I feeldown nearly every day about this issue. My Son is coming up 18mths old and I miss my baby. I love how he is reaching his milestones as a toddler, but it hurts like hell that he is growing up too fast. I look back at photos of him and just sit there and cry. At my baby group i go too each week, i feel i am being politely pushed to leave and go onto toddler boogie and bounce instead, and that has made me feel sad to start to gradually leave that first group. I love my child so much, the most uncondtional love of all, best love i have ever felt, nothing can compare to the love of a child in my opinion. I have my frustrating moments with my son but the love is so quick to come back and im a senstive person anyway and so i love him too much, too deeply. Having to have a sort out every few months his clothes and toys, is like a road to waterworks park! It takes something so small to set me off, like for example the other day I took my son to play in his bedroom and played with him, i got out some toys he hadnt played with for ages, thinking it be new for him again, but they were too babyish and he was just interested in toy cars, i had tears in my eyes just holding this musical ball that he didnt want. I have saved all his new born and well, all his clothes into sacks and in the loft, mainly for if we have another boy we will have the clothes ready. But i couldnt sell them anyway, they hold too many memories. I would do anything to have the sleepless nights back again just for him to be young again. He sleeps through now which is great for me, but its sad too. He will need a cot bed soon and away with his cot, that will make me cry and i will have to get my partner to do that, i will need to get out the house on that day when it comes, with my son and spend a nice day with him, savouring every moment. Sliiping through my fingers all the time-by mammia mia, is a very touching song for any mum. I suppose the best thing to do is savour every minute with your baby, talk to someone about your feelings and be happy with the milestones he reaches because they are happy times too. I totally understand how you all feel on here, xxxx

MtnRain--<br />
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I completely understand how you're feeling. I am going through the same thing. I love my kids so much and hate that they're growing up so quickly! They are 7 (girl) and 8 1/2 (boy) and I had to have the sex talk with my son today as a result of something said to him by another kid at school on Friday. I do feel sad about this a lot but today was worse due to this morning's events. I am enjoying every minute of being their mom (not to say I don't get frustrated and angry sometimes) and want it to last longer! It struck me a couple of months ago that my son will be 9 on his next birthday which is half way to 18! Is it really almost half way over?! I guess I feel like being a mother is what I was put upon this earth to be and I can't imagine it coming to an end. I honestly fear the "empty nest" and wonder how I'll go on once my kids have moved onto college and/or beyond. I am happily married so I feel like I should be able to do this but I am really scared of the not-too-distant future. That being said, I am keenly aware that I should savor all of the time I do have with them now so that I have no regrets down the road. Ugh.

here it is, over a year since my first post here, and I am <br />
very stressed out because I don't feel any better, in fact<br />
I feel worse about this. I miss my kids being little so much<br />
that is scares me, I'm afraid a few more years of feeling like<br />
this and I will actually break down and cry myself into an<br />
uncontrollable convulsion or something, I keep trying to<br />
find more info on this subject, especially from people who<br />
have figured out how to get over it and be happy instead.<br />
Since my first post I have tried counseling, as well as<br />
some antidepressants, but without any success.<br />
Help Help Help!

I'm feeling a little sad because my 17-year-old son has spent the entire summer doing his own thing. On the one hand, I'm grateful to God that he's been working and was able to earn enough money to buy a cute little Ford Ranger pickup. On the other hand, now that it's just me and my 12-year-old left at home, it seems my youngest son doesn't want to do as much with me. He really enjoyed visiting theme parks and the beach when his older brother would join us in previous summers. Now, I feel like I'm grappling to come up with ideas to inspire my youngest son (Encouraging him to take a friend along to the beach," etc.) and I struggle with him spending too much time alone playing video games on the computer or his Xbox. I give him chores and we visit Grandma's house. Between one thing and another, I HAVE been successful in planning and pulling off numerous family get-togethers, but it's not as easy as it used to be as everyone seems to be interested in different things. I'm seriously considering exploring becoming a Foster Mom, as I adore having tons of kids around the house. We have a couple of spare rooms, a huge yard and nine pets. You'd think I'd be busy as a bee and happy that things are slowing down but I guess I'm just a "Mom" at heart 4-ever! ~ lol.<br />
PS My husband works lonnnnnnnnnng hours and travels frequently, so though I'm not a "single" parent, I sometimes feel like one. Any suggestions?