15 Years For A Date!!!!

True story....

I am  a good looking guy...smart...with my own job and apartment...but I grew up with critical parents..nothing I ever did was good enough for them..and so nothing I do is good enough for me.

I went on my first date at the age of 30!!!! Yeah yeah I know. Its pathetic. But I was sooooo happy. I had stars in my eyes. All I wanted to do since I was 15 was have a girlfriend. That is all I wanted. An attractive girlfriend. Nothing else mattered to me. Just a girl I could kiss and share my life with. I wanted to take long walks with her. Lie under the moon on a beach.

Now, keep this in mind. I exactly know how attractive I am. I am under no illusions here. Just a girl at my level. Not a smoking hot girl or what not. Just a good looking girl like me.

I have no game. No self confidence. Because you see when you have never been loved you think you are worthless. I wanted to die since I was age 8. I just never had the guts to do it. I am a failure even in this. It is so difficult to kill yourself.

So, anyway, I went on a couple of dates with this girl. I thought she liked me. After 15 years...my first date LOL And I am a good looking guy. Yeah, so and she walked away with another guy right in front on my eyes!!!!!!!!!!!! Is life fair??? Nope.

The funny thing is i wasn't really expecting her to sleep with me. She could have been civil, could have said there is nothing in between us. But, she chose an one night stand in front of my own eyes.

I long for death. I do not even know why I am even alive. All I wanted was a normal life, to be loved and accepted. That is all I wanted. Things that so many people take for granted. A kiss with a girl I like. A night of making love with a girl I fancy. Going out with her. Going to a movie.

But I am tired....I really really am. I have tried so hard. I really have. People have asked me if I am gay. I have asked myself that. I know I am not. I am just painfully shy and ****** up.

Some of us were forsaken by God. That is okay. I wish he would stop being a ***** and either help me out or kill me.

For **** sake, enough is enough!!!!!!!!
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 17, 2013

I will pray that Jesus Christ heals you and for him to give you that right one.

So listen, I AM a gay man and I completely understand and can relate. We all have the same struggles, gay or straight. I was nodding my head the entire time i was reading this. Maybe I can't save your life, and you can't save mine, but thank you for posting this. Good luck.