A Relationship That Can Never Happen. What Should I Do?

Ok before anything, I'd like to point out that I'm 20, and I am not talking about a normal, lust-based relationship. No.
I feel in love with this guy when I was 16. Back then, I was a fun person. I was a cheerleader, I was very active in school. And I loved him.
To cut the story short, I'm now 20, he's 21. His parent's hate me (cast issues, he's of higher cast than I am, I know right, it's so stupid). But on the other hand, MY parents love him! I'm an only child, and given that, my dad LOVES having a guy around the house he can have a couple of drinks with or watch the game with. My mom enjoys his opinions on different subjects (he's super intelligent).
My boyfriend gave up smoking for me right after he met me. Just like that. He wasn't so addicted to it, so it was easier for him. He gave up his friends who were terrible terrible people as well (no, i'm not over protective. they were just bad guys. trust me).

I love almost everything about him. He has flaws, yes, but the thing is, I actually KNOW this time that this man really really truly loves me. He'd be the happiest if I achieve something better than him, he'd encourage me. Problem is, he's just not that romantic, and for some reason, I'm not happy with him for the past year, and it's been only almost 4 years. And i felt HORRIBLE feeling like that.

I figured, it could be cause he and I, we're two different people. We are TOTAL opposites. The food he likes I hate, same goes for places, music, clothes, names, anything. I'm in science n he HATES science. He's in accounting. I know what they say, that opposites attract, but I don't see that in my situation.

And then it struck me. I now understand why he's the ONLY one trying to actually make this relationship better, trying to mend thing, and I'm the one trying to just make it END.

I'm a Catholic, and so are my parents and we are very strong in our faith. He's not a Catholic. Now that's the problem. See, I won't be able to marry this man unless he converts, but he is of a very high cast in his religion, one where he just can't convert. And the thing is, even if he wants to, I wouldn't let him. Even for the love between us. It's not fair. We shouldn't have to give up the faith we were born with just for marriage. This stupid religion thing is not fair.

I know, I'm 21. I don't have to think bout marriage and kids. But sometimes you have to, right? I mean, my kids are going to be of his religion, because technically the kid's gotta follow the dad. But my parent's wouldn't want that. I'm an only child. If i had a bro or a sis, I could screw up and they could make up for it. But no. Right now, I'd be the only one giving them grandchildren. And I can't let them down. And I think it's not fair, that I wouldn't get to teach my children about the wonders of my religion. they wouldn't get to go to Sunday School and everything. AND I don't want to make them choose.

That's the reason. I know that 4 years is already long enough, but to make it go any further and get even more attached, it'll kill me if I don't get my parent's blessings to marry him.
It'll kill me to know that in a short period after that, he's going to marry some other person his parents arranged for him. And knowing that I couldn't' love another guy the way I've loved him, to not know a person inside out like I know him, he'd be going through the same.

This is the reason why I'm so depressed. I've been for the past 2 years. But now, it's worse. I just want to study well, graduate and get my PhD. But I can't do that. Not with this depression. I have no one to talk to, I have plenty of friends, but none that have been in a relationship like THIS, they wouldn't understand my problems, cause they've never been through. I can't even speak to him. Cause he still wants to live in this world where we're happy together.
He says, let's just forget about all that and focus on us now and just be happy. He says to forget about the future.

That's not easy, now, is it?

I'm a joyous person, you know, even before this thing happened. People say people who are the happiest sometimes have a lot to hide. And my doctor says just that. I keep a smile to make sure everyone else is happy, but no one will exactly do the same for me. People just go around trying to make me angry. I can't even get angry at anyone, not even at a waiter that makes me wait for about 2 hours for my food or something. I'd just say 'It's okay, at least my meal's here now' and move on.

I keep all these pain away from my friends, I'm so good, that none of them know what's going on between me and him. They still think we're happy together.

Sorry to ramble on, I've just been holding in so much. There's so much more to this story. Al built up inside of me. And i doubt anyone out there knows what I'm going through. If you do, I'd really appreciate talking to you..

I don't know what to do.
underneathismile underneathismile
18-21, F
Sep 8, 2012