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Today... Is Not A Good Day

Today I found out my adopted grandfather passed away. He's been there for me for almost 20 years. I was at work when my mom called. I ignored it of course, because I was at work. I spent all day oblivious to the fact and then I get home and call my mom. I was expecting to hear her complain about here day as always, but no. Not this time. I've gone to funerals as a courtesy. To show families of friends and loved ones that I'm there for them. But is this really how it feels when the tables are turned? He passed away last Wednesday (3 days before my 22nd birthday) but his kids claim that they couldn't get in touch with any of us. He was cremated and put to rest without any of us knowing. I didn't even get to say goodbye. They didn't even have the decency to let us know.

Tomorrow I work a 12-hour shift. I've already called my boss and my best friend up crying on the phone and now I just feel stupid. I'm still going to work tomorrow. They told me to go back home for and be with my family, but I'd be paying to go to a house full of sadness and tears. So I can't go and I don't want to stay home either. So I'm hoping work will take my mind off of things. Well, as long as everyone doesn't stare at me.

Today... Is an Awful Day.
HopeIsaThingWithFeathers HopeIsaThingWithFeathers 22-25, F 27 Responses Sep 21, 2012

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I feel your pain and your mixed emotions, but don't worry you did the NORMAL thing to do when you had those phone calls, you normally would never had answered them anyhow, so what makes this time so different, you don't have ESP!
As for them not waiting for you guys to decide how and when the proper funeral should have been...well that was just pure selfishness on their part, not anything to do with the fact they couldn't reach anybody!! Give me a break... When somebody REALLY wants to reach someone else for their own selfish gain, they will do almost anything , and 9 times out of 10 do actually get in touch with whoever they really wanted to...boy do THEY have some serious issues!!
As for you...stay calm and worry not about anything, it NEVER helps to reach your solution any quicker!
God Bless and may He stop you from being depressed. :)

I'm sorry for your loss

Sometimes it is hard. You lose that one person who has been there for you and when he does, you felt empty.
I think you should not blame yourself for missing his funeral as it was not your fault. Be grateful that he was there as a friend and though he is gone what he has taught you is still in you.
He would not want you to be any different now that he is gone. Be strong and move on taking one day at a time. Find some new friends who share your views.
You can do it.

Sorry for your loss. :( Hugs.

Hi. Where are you from. I'm here and I feel your pain. Let's talk

Ki k me. My k ik is karimben15

My thoughts are with you , its not a easy thing to hear nor deal with, only time will heal the grief you are feeling, remember the good times and think of them , chin up and remember they are in a place where there is no more suffering , R-i-P

well dont be sad every one is going to die at the end well enjoy ur life have a gd time and forget about those f tears tc

Time is a great healer and memories of your adopted grandfather can never be taken away. Keep the devil at arms length. Don't make hasty decisions or fall out with family whilst your emotions are raw. Remember, after every rainstorm, there is a rainbow. Stay strong, and look after yourself.

Be strong and take care.

Sorry for your loss.
What matters is how YOU choose to respond to people. Compassion is important, for yourself as well as others. Death ROCKS people's worlds...
As I type this, I'm on a train headed to a memorial service for my best friend from childhood. We hadn't been in touch much the past few years, but the last time we spoke she told me that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, but was coping with it. She didn't tell me it was metastatic, and in her bones and liver. Life has been busy for me, and I admit to not checking in with her after she told me, other than a few brief emails. I spoke to her sister (she's the one who notified me that Laura had passed) and she told me that Laura's husband did not care for my presence at her memorial, saying I had abandoned her after I got the news of her diagnosis. I was dumbfounded that he felt that way because Laura never told me how advanced the cancer had become or what the diagnosis was. Had I known, I would have been there in a heartbeat to be of whatever support I could. Laura's family virtually adopted me when I was a kid because my own family was so dysfunctional, so I want to be at the memorial to support them and to honor Laura, who would want me to be there.
After being forewarned about Laura's husband not wanting me at the memorial, I sent him an email offering my condolences which not surprisingly got me an anger-filled response, but he also came around to the idea that Laura would want me there. I suspect he'll be cold as ice to me, but that can't be helped. I wish I could help him to find some peace, but it's not up to me...
The moral of the story is don't fall prey to others' emotional instability. Yes, people handle grief in different ways. I wish that everyone could simply put the intense feelings aside long enough to honor the one who has passed. I hope that's the case when I get to the service tomorrow AM...
I wish you well in handling the tumult in your situation-

Dear VTMarkus
I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you as you attend your friends memorial.
To Those I Love and Those Who Loved Me

When I am gone, release me, let me go,
So I can move into my afterglow.
I have so many things to see and do.
You mustn’t tie yourself to me with tears,
Let’s be happy that we had so many
beautiful years together.

I gave to you my love, you can only guess
How much you gave to me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you each have shown,
But now it’s time I travel on alone.

So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must;
Then let your grief be comforted, with trust.
It’s only for little while that we must part,

I won’t be far away, for life goes on;
So if you need me, call, and I will come.
Though you can’t see me or touch me, I’ll be near.
And if you listen with your heart, you’ll hear
All of my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way, alone
As you must surely do one day,
I’ll greet you with a smile and say,
“Welcome Home”


Blessed Be
Misty

Dear HopeIsaThingWithFeathers

I am so sorry for your loss, that you and your family were treated so terribly, and not able to say goodbye.
My dear we all grieve in our own way, there is no Wrong or Right way to grieve.
For me I go my Beloved Ocean,and as I walk in her healing waters, I will sometime throw rocks, I cry out my pain to her,until the tears stop. Sometimes it takes many trips before the pain become bearable.
When I can think clearly again of the loved one who as taken their heavely journey, I will go to a spot that I shared with them and talk with them. If it is possible I will also plant a tree or plant of some sort. This is just my way of saying good bye.
But I also know that they will be back many times to visit me.
I listen with my heart, I feel the comfort of their presence .

No my friend you are not wrong to want to be left alone, that is your way of handling your loss. You will seek out the company of others when the time is right for you.

I am glad that you are keeping in touch with your mom, for when she is gone, no matter how upsetting the relationship between you may have been at times, Her passing will leave a terrible emptiness

The poem below was given to me when my mom passed away, I read it often.
When I read it I often thing of the many friends and family members who have left this world for a better one.
I think of the laughter and tears that we have shared.
And a wonderful sense of peace enters my soul.
I pray that it will do the same for you and all who read it
Blessed Be
Your friend
Misty

To Those I Love and Those Who Loved Me

When I am gone, release me, let me go,
So I can move into my afterglow.
I have so many things to see and do.
You mustn’t tie yourself to me with tears,
Let’s be happy that we had so many
beautiful years together.

I gave to you my love, you can only guess
How much you gave to me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you each have shown,
But now it’s time I travel on alone.

So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must;
Then let your grief be comforted, with trust.
It’s only for little while that we must part,

I won’t be far away, for life goes on;
So if you need me, call, and I will come.
Though you can’t see me or touch me, I’ll be near.
And if you listen with your heart, you’ll hear
All of my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way, alone
As you must surely do one day,
I’ll greet you with a smile and say,
“Welcome Home”

My mother, who took a long time dying on a so-called "death bed" at home, used that time to dish out a lof of sage advice to try to prepare us for the aftermath of a death in the family.
One piece of advice was this: "People act weird after a death. Ride it out the best you can."

I was puzzled, because we were a close family, with only the usual little problems - no estrangements, no big scenes. There had never been any alcohol or drug abuse, no violence, no overzealous interest in our religion. We communicated our problems by having healthy, fair arguments that cleared the air.

Three weeks after she died, my sane, sensible father was proposing marriage to every stranger he met, and pushing for immediate remarriage. "Let's get married next week!" He withheld my inheritance from me long after he had just simply cut checks to my brothers. My younger brother and I, two busy, productive people, started pouring booze into our morning coffee.

Everyone went nuts, and everyone recovered, except Dad - who married a very nasty woman who ended up banishing us from his home, so she could starve and abuse him. (We figured that out and gave her the boot.)

I know I'm putting it too simply, but it has been my experience that a death in the family can make people behave in strange and baffling ways.

When I think of my own husband passing someday, I sometimes think of how shattering an experience it will be, and how the last thing I'll want to do is parade around like a brave new widow, and make 200 mundane decisions based on "what he would have wanted."

Mom was right. You can expect just about anything when someone dies. Not everyone behaves well.

Sorry for you loss Blue Sam, death does do strange things to people
Blessed Be
Misty

I just lost my father and what you need to realize is that death is the final step in this life and perhaps the next step into the next life. What I do is try to celebrate their life not my grief! However, there is nothing wrong with sadness over your loss, we are human and we all go through the steps of grieving or we get get caught in one step and never go on!

I am sorry for your loss cosmiccowboy,
you are right, death is just one more step in the cycle. we all have to deal with the grief, I too celebrate my loved ones life and rejoice because I had the privlege of knowing them, and of having them apart of my life.

To Those I Love and Those Who Loved Me

When I am gone, release me, let me go,
So I can move into my afterglow.
I have so many things to see and do.
You mustn’t tie yourself to me with tears,
Let’s be happy that we had so many
beautiful years together.

I gave to you my love, you can only guess
How much you gave to me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you each have shown,
But now it’s time I travel on alone.

So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must;
Then let your grief be comforted, with trust.
It’s only for little while that we must part,

I won’t be far away, for life goes on;
So if you need me, call, and I will come.
Though you can’t see me or touch me, I’ll be near.
And if you listen with your heart, you’ll hear
All of my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way, alone
As you must surely do one day,
I’ll greet you with a smile and say,
“Welcome Home”
Blessed Be
Misty

Ignore all her calls in future... cut, cut, cut

I am sorry for you my friend, you sound so very angry and bitter
Blessed Be
Misty

I am truly sorry for your loss. I can relate to how you feel in a couple of ways. My mom calls nearly every day and my special needs sister calls several times a day. I often put off calling them until the time is more convenient, because they both talk for a long time, and it's mostly rambling. Not that I don't enjoy it, it's just not my #1 priority. Once I didn't return the calls for 3 days, and my sister had gone to the hospital! I felt horrible! To relate a comforting story: my grandparents have been gone for a long time now, but one day, I was going through a horrible day, like you. I locked myself in the bathroom and was just bawling. Suddenly, my grandmother's scent was there. Her powder, a faint smell of cooking, gardening, cleaning, HER smell. I was transported back to her comforting presence, her home, her acceptance, her love. It was magical, miraculous. I have never experienced anything else like that. The people we love stay with us a little. And do what you need to in order to get through this, whether it's work, or rest, or walking, or talking, or whatever, no matter what others think. Mourning and grieving is a very personal process. Do what helps YOU heal.

Dear Amy

You are a wise and compassionate lady.You are so right, we must do whatever helps us heal. Blessed are you who listens with an open heart.
I am so happy for you that you were able to feel your grandmothers presence.
Our loved ones will come back often when they feel we need them.
As long we always listen our hearts open to them.

To Those I Love and Those Who Loved Me

When I am gone, release me, let me go,
So I can move into my afterglow.
I have so many things to see and do.
You mustn’t tie yourself to me with tears,
Let’s be happy that we had so many
beautiful years together.

I gave to you my love, you can only guess
How much you gave to me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you each have shown,
But now it’s time I travel on alone.

So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must;
Then let your grief be comforted, with trust.
It’s only for little while that we must part,

I won’t be far away, for life goes on;
So if you need me, call, and I will come.
Though you can’t see me or touch me, I’ll be near.
And if you listen with your heart, you’ll hear
All of my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way, alone
As you must surely do one day,
I’ll greet you with a smile and say,
“Welcome Home”

I am so sorry for your loss and I can't even imagine a slightest but of what you might be feeling but if you ever want to talk to anyone you can talk to me

i am truley sorry for your lots

Yes, I would say that I am spoiled in the fact that I have loved ones who love me in return. We all have ways of dealing with loss. Am I so wrong for wanting to be left alone? I do answer my mother's phone calls. Maybe not at work, but I do call her back when I get home. And no, the world doesn't revolve around me and my job, but right now, focusing on me and my job is the only thing getting me through this. Thank you everyone for sharing your comments with me. I appreciate it. I too believe in afterlife and I'm sure he's in a better, less painful place. Mom sounds like she's doing okay. We lit candles and let them burn out (her idea) and I told her I'd get on skype with her tomorrow. Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I didn't realize my post would actually get read much less commented on. Thank you all for the support.

This is terrible, so sorry for your loss! Certain people have an extraordinary impact on our lives and these people will live on in our minds and hearts forever. As some friends here have mentioned, I would set up your grandpa's picture and lighten up a candle, and just talk to him, telling how much you love him and that you will always remember him. I do believe in afterlife, and I do believe while people wait to be reborn, they do want to be remembered in this world. I think they become the guardian angels of their loved ones. That's why every now and then I remember and talk to my grannies, grandpas and passed relatives I loved - just to remind them, that they meant a lot to me and that I still love them and always will. All the best wishes and lots of strength to you!

What a wise,loving and compassionate person you are Earth Visitor.
Blessed Be my friend
Misty

The love of God be with you and your family to confort and give pace in your heart. Life have a reason to be dead does too.

I'm sorry for your loss, If you loved him then he knew it, life goes on and you can cherrish the memories you have, families can be hard to handle sometimes, live your life so that you can at least be content and don't neglect your mother even if she's just complaining about her child's lifestyle again, she loves you and as a parent I can say that sometimes it's hard to get that message across still seeing your adult kids as children and wanting to shield them from the heartaches of the world

I really liked your post Dragon map.
Your whole message is spot on.
It does not matter how old our adult children get, they are still our children, Onced a parent always a parent,
Blessed Be my friend
misty

Sincerely, and with all good intent, but do you think part of the problem might be that you are very spoiled, very into "you" rather than having a heart that opens up to others? Sorry, but you sound like you are very selfish. The world does not revolve around you and your job. Life happens.
You need to reconnect with people as something beyond annoyances. Good luck! Open your eyes to the fact that others are at least as important as to answer their phone calls.

pullatrainforme You sound like a very negative angry person, and I truely sorry for you. you need a lesson in sensitivity and compassion.
Blessed Be
Misty

Faerylight, you gave sound advice,
Blessed Be
Misty

I've been there to my grandmother of 93 yrs old died and my parents didn't even call me. My Sister called me and we cried for a half hour on the phone together. She wasn't welcome to the funeral either. I set my grandmothers picture up on the coffee table and lighted a candle that I kept burning for the week. I order flowers to be sent to myself in deepest sympathy. Some how it did make me feel better. I honored her in silence knowing she was in heaven and knew what I was doing. K

Kbird what a wonderful way to honour your grandmother, and cope with your loss and grief. yes she knows what you did and is honoured by it.
Listen with your heart always dearone
Blessed Be
Misty

You are right; its an awful day.Maybe you should make your own little altar for your adopted grandfather, to honor him & your memory of him. Light a candle for him, & say a sweet rayer for him. Give yourself time to grieve for him, and if you wanna cry, cry. It doesn't matter how or when you found out...or who told you. It doesn't matter. He's gone on to a better place, & he's resting in peace now.Forgive those who didn't inform you of his passing.You don't know what they may have been going thru. One never knows.

So sorry for your loss...

I remember losing my grandmother in 2004 and can attest that it is never an easy thing to experience, regardless of the circumstances behind the passing...

It takes time to process it and you sometimes have to let your thought process run its course.

If we were in a room together and you started explaining this to me, I'd be liable to have an urge to share a hug with you

A Big hug to you, what a wonderful thing to say

hi sad to here your story thats such a shame. I can understand why you feel like you do you loved your grandad like he was your own and not to be told terrble Thats not your fault though.you cant turn back times. dont you know were your grandads ashers are if so go there that would help you and live for hes memory he would not like upset for to long you will be upset more becouse its just happend thats normal time a heler. has for your friends so what you cryed i think thay would be the same stick together you cant do it on your own take care jo