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Feeling Low

Right now I'm feeling low and would love to be able to talk to someone about how I'm feeling. It's the middle of the night, I have the flu, and I'm not able to sleep. I've been feeling up for quite a while, I stopped smoking 5 weeks ago and that was a huge confidence boost. But now I'm down again. I guess it was only a matter of time. I wonder whether I am manic. I certainly have my ups and downs, but they say everyone does. It's just mine seem so extreme. Like when I feel really down, my mind often turns to suicide, and I see a noose. An easy way out of it all. And when I am up, I have so much energy and am bouncing from one thing to the other. Suicide is the last thing on my mind.

I have quite a few reasons that have led to me feeling low today. I was disappointed with and offended by a close friend. It's school holidays and both kids are here expecting to be waited after and the house is a mess. My daughter locked me and my boyfriend out of my room last nigh, so I slept on a coach with a small blanket. I woke up with the flu. I didn't get a job that I was hoping to get and the bills are mounting. A colleague was out of line and disrespectful. And mediation with my sociopathic ex husband was postponed by three months. It all happened in a short space of time. Most of it just this morning. One disappointment after another and now I'm really pissed. I'm angry and sad and frustrated and all those negative emotions that they say we shouldn't feel. That we should avoid.

I've cried a couple of times today. I haven't hit or broken anything though. That's good I guess. I think I feel more sad than angry. There are a few things I'm angry at, but mostly just sad and so disappointed. Disappointed in others and myself. Really disappointed I didn't get the job. Hate feeling sick. Struggling with the stress of everything. Of kids, housework, work, politics, friends and bills. Really sick of bills.

But I will keep going. Go back to bed and try and get some sleep. Get on the plane tomorrow, do the meeting and come home. Remind myself that everything happens for a reason. Hope tomorrow will be a better day.
23jacinta 23jacinta 36-40 6 Responses Oct 11, 2012

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I wish you would have responded to one of the comments below, so we all knew where you were now.

I get horrible ups and downs as well. My wife asks if I'm manic; I think that the depression just makes the swings worse. At least that's my experience.

Smoking killed my father, so please stay away from those cancer sticks.

I wish I had some magic words for you. But if I did, I'd be better than I am. Are you getting help? If not, please do so. If not for yourself but for the kids.

Good luck.

Sorry , I didn't read your whole story - but - Congradulations on giving up smoking !!!

Heart
Home
Health


You seem to be having all three in your hands, but not aware of them, yet.

Heart
You are a mom and with two kids?
A mother's love is the most powerful human emotion in this world.
And you have it. Your children need you. If or not your home is a mess is upto you. But the important thing is you remain mother and kids - any given time.

Home
You have stopped smoking. That is something to be really proud of.
So now your body can help your mind feel at home.
You can tune into things, taste for food, exercise, walking, so much healthier. You must keep building up the faith in yourself.
And in your home.
Have you talked to your daughter about your BF? Does she miss her dad? Remember that it is her home too. A home means much more than a place to sleep. It is where the hearts sleep and wake up to the wonders and excitement of life !

Health
is wealth.
And the body has its mechanism for sustaining good health.
And then there is mental health, to be taken care of. The state of mind.
Whatever makes you happy, smile, sing, hum and have a balance in daily life.
Make a time for everything.
Like you are aware you are 'feeling low' and you want to do something about it.
Keep moving and completing, doing things. Build up your faith in life and its many experiences that is life.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I know we've never met and I don't know you but I feel so helpless towards your situation. I wish I could help. But as you say, everything does happen for a reason. Hang in there.

There's always hope, and that's what keeps us going.