I Dont Know...Im 15, im not even sure how this started. But just this summer i didnt feel...right. Everytime my mom or dad tries to be nice or just talks to me, i just feel like screaming in their faces. I always felt angry towards them no matter what. I started cutting. I was addicted for a few months. 2 friends found out so i stopped. Ive always felt alone, noone to talk to. And even if i did have someone to talk to, they didnt care. If i wouldve killed myself tomorrow, it wouldnt have a huge impact in their lives. Ive been feeling really depressed ever since then. I slowly isolated myself with my family. When school came, it just didnt feel the same. i would fake being happy, i hate school. I hate going to a place where i just feel alone, seeing how everyone is prettier, smarter, skinnier... i try to be happy, but i just cant. i dont know when i can ever be fully happy again. id always have random moment where i just start crying when something good happens. i tried overdosing, but theres just not enough and i dont want my parents to notice. ive already finished 4 bottles (they were nearly empty). Im just hoping i wouldnt wake up the next day. Is it crazy that i actually wanted to jump off the top of my stairs onto the hardwood floor? It was the first time i ever thought about doing something like that to kill myself. i always wanted to do it by pills, to die in my sleep. i was so tempted to jumping off the railing. of course i didnt do it but ive never gotten that feeling before. Its getting worse everyday. I dont know if i actually want to help myself. id rather just slowly die on the inside.
deleted 26-30 11 Responses 6 Nov 5, 2012