In All Honesty...

I still sometimes wonder what God has planned for us considering the torture He puts us through sometimes. To give you a better understanding I'll give you the cliffsnotes version of what I had to go through to get even remotely to where I am today. My life was not always peachy and fun. In fact I still can't believe I'm kicking as much as I am today. Being gay isn't as easy as people or your favorite T.V. sitcom may put it out to be. When I came out I felt like I had no one and was completely alone. My dad took me out to celebrate. He was in fact my rock. He believed in me, knew how awesome I was and, knew how awesome I could be. Long story short we had bonded like never before. I told him I was going to be a cosmetologist and he couldn't be more happier. He went to the dentist because he said he was having a toothache. The dentist recommended that he pull the tooth. It was an abscess that was causing the pain. The pulling of the tooth caused the poison to leak into his organs and I never saw him again. I have a partner though devoted never wants to listen to me. My family is like my partner but on steroids. They got what they wanted. They got the money and some settlement to what they think was the cause of their problems. I still think about ending it all everyday. Being a teacher I can listen to a thousand and one problems but when I come home there is never ever anyone to listen to me. I'm trapped in a world of paradise. Love my job but hate my life. This life hating has been going on for 6 years and even though I don't think anyone can talk me out of trying one more time I fear I've reached my last resort. I don't know what to do. I have no family to rely on. I have no friends period. It might actually serve the world better if I dissapeared.
jerodj15 jerodj15
Dec 1, 2012