My Life

when i was in pre school, i made this friend. I don't really remember but i think at first she seemed ok. But she started to hurt me a lot. I remember dreading going into school every day and my mom sometimes had to pick me up because i was so scared of her. One time she had hurt me so bad i was actually bleeding and my mom picked me up from school. It doesn't sound too bad but i was only about 4 so it really upset me. Also, i went to a club after school and she went too, i don't remember properly but i do remember pretending to feel ill so i didn't have to go but my mom said i had to because i didn't got the week before. As soon as i got there and saw her i burst out crying and my mom took me back home. As we got older and moved into middle school, i thought it was getting better, she didn't seem to physically hurt me as much as she used to but she still did mentally. she'd fall out with me over stupid things like if i wouldn't give her my pencil, but remember we were only about 6 or 7. She'd say i couldn't 'play' with them at break and she'd turn all my other friends against me and make them hate me. She'd also get them to come up to me and say horrible offensive things that really hurt me. Sometimes i'd just sit on my own at break. Then, when we moved into high school, it got even worse. Here are some of the worst memories: Once i didn't answer her door quick enough and the person had gone, as i came back into her room and said the person had gone she grabbed my head by my hair and slammed it against the wall a few times, then she dragged me to the floor by my hair and kneed me in the face. I stood there crying and she hugged me and said sorry and said she'd never do it again she just got angry. She lied. Once we were having an argument and she punched me in the face in the middle of the street about 6 times, then as i was crossing the road she shouted 'cross the road slag!' Another time i went to walk to school with her and our other friend but we had an argument and she said i had to walk on the other side of the road from them, so i did. Every time they stopped i stopped because i didn't want to go into school on my own, but she just went sick at me and told me i had to carry on walking so i walked into school by myself crying. I can never do what i want if she doesn't like it. I couldn't arrange to go out with someone else or stay at someone else's without her because she would say i am ditching her and tell everyone i'm a **** mate. She basically controls my life and i can't stop it. I would just fall out with her but i;m scared of loosing all my other friends like in middle school, what if she turns all of them against me? I'm always in a bad mood on school mornings because i'm scared she will have come up with another reason to hate me and hurt me. Once we had an argument and she made my head bleed, it was all over my top. She took a picture and showed people like it was something to e proud of. I am actually in depression now i have been to talk to a doctor, but i didn't tell the doctor why, i ust said i felt worthless and depressed for no reason. I am going back soon to get anti-depression pills and i really hope they help because most of the time i feel like i'd be better off dead. I have self-harm all up my arm and i try my best to hide it. I used to phone to google how many pills would it take to OD once, just to find out, and it was left on my history and she saw it and she started laughing saying haha are you gonna overdose? I denied it and just said that it was because i took quite a lot once for a headache and was scared i'd overdosed. It just made me feel horrible how she laughed about it. I hope i never do bring myself to take an overdose. in all honesty i have thought about it before. I don't know what to do, i am writing this here because it makes me feel better to get it all out, but i don't want to tell anyone i know because i am scared they will tell her. Thanks for reading.x
jessssi jessssi
13-15
3 Responses Dec 5, 2012

Wow Kat47 .... You nailed it. Better advice can not be given. Jessssi ... if you learn this hard lesson now at a young age, you will be a MUCH stronger and wiser person. Show yourself you CAN do it, and be proud of yourself. A very real friend will come along, and you will find true happiness with a real friend.

I agree with Never, this is NOT a friend, this person is ABUSING you and I can say with 100% confidence that she's a Narcissist. RUN, RUN away from her as FAST as you can. It will ONLY get worse. If your other friends dump you because of her, so be it, your life will be BETTER once you disengage with her. And TELL someone you trust. And then IGNORE her not matter what she does because narcissists HATE to be igored, it's YOUR way of controlling them because she has COMPLETE control of you, complete. I would rather this a matter of life and death....please take this seriously!

Are you serious ? She is NOT a friend. You need to stay away from her and find someone who will treat you like a true friend. You are so young .... it gets better. Hang in there !