As Anyone Out There?

I'm so depressed! I need someone to talk to and to listen to my thoughts and feelings without getting mad. Here's my story, I am a 21 yr old female and I am Gay. I have a gf and we live together, but I can't talk to her about how I feel without her getting mad or us getting in a fight. Lately she's been talking to a lot of her ex boyfriends but only one of them really bothers me, she's left me twice for him in the past year. And she doesn't see anything wrong with her talking to him. Besides her I have no one, ya I have friends but none who would truly care to listen... My family disowned me because of my sexuality, I'm alone and death is all I think about. I cry daily! If I lose her again to him or anyone I know something bad will happen. I write everyday to try and get things off my mind. But lately it doesn't work! I'm running out of things to keep my mind occupied. I think about all the people I've lost. All the mistakes I make, I think and wonder if my family ever thinks about me. I live not even 5 minutes away from them and they dobt care to see me. I was adopted and its my adopted family who disowned me, but I feel as though that means that I have had 2 different families and neither one wanted me. I just started a new job the other day, and everyone else already has friends and there own groups, today I sat at a table all by myself and I guess it bothers me so much cause not even 3 feet away there were people sitting on the floor. Why doesn't anyone want to be around me? Why does everyone leave? I have a fb and the only time I get a msg is when a dude is trying to have sex... everyday I put on a smile and hope for the best. Everyday I try to think something is going to change... but its not!!!!!!!!!! I just want to be heard and talked to and loved.... but unfortunately it'll never happen
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 8, 2013

I'm sorry you're having those thoughts, I've been there and its not a good place. You're right to have anxiety over your partner talking to an ex and the fact shes left twice for him, and continuing to talk to him is not okay. Have you voiced your opinion? There has to be a line, because your feelings matter too. As for the job, you should definitely approach someone! I'm a super shy person but everyone needs someone, they don't have to be a best friend but even a "Hi, how are you?" feels good.

If you want to talk you can message me.