Running Out Of Time

I recently turned 16, but I feel like every second of every day, I'm just... dying. I can't stop thinking about the future and how terrifying getting older is, and dying. I think, oh, well I'm young now, but in JUST TWO YEARS I'll be 18, and then I'll either get a job or go to college just so I can get a job, and even if I have great plans by then everything will probably just be building up to those plans. Like, "I'm going to travel the country with my best friend! But before that I have to raise the money to." and then not doing it because it doesn't feel stable... I want to experience everything and I feel like I'm just frittering my time away being scared. I really want to enjoy being a teenager but I have to worry about the future and college and saving up for things. I really want to not think about the fact that I'm 4 years away from 20, which at best will mark 1/4 or so of my life. That's 25% of my tiny sliver of waking consciousness just... gone. I think a lot about how my lifetime is just a little blip on the radar of the history of our universe and our galaxy, and how I came from pretty much nothing and one day I will lose all consciousness and become nothing again, and soon enough after that (relatively) I might as well have not existed at all. I WANT to believe in an afterlife but I can't bring myself to somehow... It just hurts so much to think about. And then I start questioning the nature of my existence and if it even qualifies as an existence at all. And I just hurt all the time and I can't stop thinking about how I'm pretty much almost dead and just... I wish I could stop thinking about it but I can't. And I feel like I'm missing out on so much.
An Ep User An EP User 1 Response Jan 20, 2013

Your Response


Live in the now. Don't stress yourself over your past or your future because it really becomes overwhelming. Just live while you can for now. I know you said you wish you could stop thinking like this but hopefully someday you can finally stop eventually. Don't know if this helps but good luck if it does.