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Pretending

Everyday i do the same thing drag myself out of bed say today is going to be a good day. Get dressed go up stairs sleep on the coach till my alarm goes off again get ready to go. Wish my brother a good day even though in the back of my mind i know i will be forcing that smile for another day. Go to my bus stop where i put on a fake smile for a friend. only feel tired. get to school again another fake smile in place greets my friends. then for the rest of the day just lie and build a fake shell everyday the shell just gets bigger and bigger. what should i do the only joys in my life are archery and putting on my mask. no one can hurt me behind my mask. lie to my friends lie to my family have no feeling left. I'm not suicidal i don't cut i haven't even been bullied since my mask am i happy or am i a shell i need to breath someone help me please
themaskoflies themaskoflies 16-17, F 2 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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Have a giant hug.

I relate so much. I do it so often it's almost unconscious. I think that if I imagine things are all right, they will be. In a way, this is so, like with my anxiety. But then I lose touch with reality. What's a dream? An extension of life? Or is life an extension of a dream?...