It's Me, It's Not Me

  I am 38 yrs. old, never been married, no kids and an only child.  All of my parents wants for themselves, grandchildren, etc, fall on me.  I have let them down.  By no means do I want to blame anything at all on them, they are great.  They are ALWAYS there for me, it has nothing to do with them, it's just me.  I want to meet a good woman, but am scared.  My family is full of divorced aunts and uncles, cousins, even my grandparents.  I have had relationships but always felt like I pretended to love them just to be normal.  Of course they never worked.  I believe there is my one true love out there, somewhere and I don't want to have anything else.  That belief was fine when I was younger, but now I am not so young and am getting tempted to settle.  I know this may sound selfish and I know that none of you know me, so just take my word for it, I really am a good guy.  Am I a failure at being a man because I'm not living the life of my friends?  Does God look down on me and think I'm picky?  I just want real LOVE one time.  No divorce or separation, no kids that i get to see every other weekend.  I feel like I have wasted my life looking for something that isn't really there.  I'm lonely, is it my fault?
emaildooper emaildooper
36-40
7 Responses Jul 11, 2010

I am new to this site and I came across your story and I am so sorry for what you are going thru, it's not at all what I am going thru but yours just caught my eye for some reason, I haven't posted my story yet, but I will tell you a little about mine so you know, I will be 37 next month and I did find my soul mate, and we had such a wonderful life full of happiness and everything going good, we met in April 2007 and we got married Oct. 11, 2008 and We wanted to have a child because I already had three kids from being married before, and yes I have been divorced, but on Nov. 2008 I got pregnant and we were so happy, also he thought of my children as his own and I had some complications so I had to have my baby 10 weeks early, On June12,2009, 18 days after we had a baby boy, On June 30, 2009 My husband died, I woke up and he was not breathing and they worked on him for an hour and they said he did not make it that he already died probably a few hours before in his sleep, they did not know why, he did have a some health problems from a accident he had at his job and I found out later that he died from an enlarged heart, that we already knew he had and he was taking medications for at the time. But I guess it got worse and we had no idea, they were really no signs, I guess I can say I see them now, he was tired a lot and normally wasn't before but we were at a hospital and he was sleeping on their uncomfortable thing that they have. So that's why we thought he was tired So what I am trying to say is I finally got the life I wanted and deserved and it was taken from me, do I blame God No, I did at first but not now. He was only 33 yrs old, 10 days from turning 34, my life is so different now, I am a single mom of four children now and it has been over a year now since my Husband died, It's the most unbearable pain. I have been so lonely and I just stay home with my children and I don't do anything else. I do have some friends of course but I don't ever see them. At first like after my husband died I did but they have their own lives so I mainly talk to them over facebook or something. The only friend I do talk to on the phone or text,(because she lives over an hour from where I live). Her husband also died two months after my husband so we do grieve together and talk to each other when we need that support but she is now in a relationship, she found someone that she use to go to school with and they were good friends back then and even were bf/gf when they were teenagers and they hit it right off and they actually sound just like my husband and I did. I am happy for her and glad she did but I cant stand this loneliness and emptiness that I feel. I don't know if I am ready for a relationship but I guess if it happens then it does.(feels weird to even say that) I never could imagine my life without my husband but I have no choice now. I am so sorry if I talked your ear off, I know this had really nothing to do with your post, But I guess I just needed someone to talk to and your post caught my eye. Thank you so much for listening.

I am new to this site and I came across your story and I am so sorry for what you are going thru, it's not at all what I am going thru but yours just caught my eye for some reason, I haven't posted my story yet, but I will tell you a little about mine so you know, I will be 37 next month and I did find my soul mate, and we had such a wonderful life full of happiness and everything going good, we met in April 2007 and we got married Oct. 11, 2008 and We wanted to have a child because I already had three kids from being married before, and yes I have been divorced, but on Nov. 2008 I got pregnant and we were so happy, also he thought of my children as his own and I had some complications so I had to have my baby 10 weeks early, On June12,2009, 18 days after we had a baby boy, On June 30, 2009 My husband died, I woke up and he was not breathing and they worked on him for an hour and they said he did not make it that he already died probably a few hours before in his sleep, they did not know why, he did have a some health problems from a accident he had at his job and I found out later that he died from an enlarged heart, that we already knew he had and he was taking medications for at the time. But I guess it got worse and we had no idea, they were really no signs, I guess I can say I see them now, he was tired a lot and normally wasn't before but we were at a hospital and he was sleeping on their uncomfortable thing that they have. So that's why we thought he was tired So what I am trying to say is I finally got the life I wanted and deserved and it was taken from me, do I blame God No, I did at first but not now. He was only 33 yrs old, 10 days from turning 34, my life is so different now, I am a single mom of four children now and it has been over a year now since my Husband died, It's the most unbearable pain. I have been so lonely and I just stay home with my children and I don't do anything else. I do have some friends of course but I don't ever see them. At first like after my husband died I did but they have their own lives so I mainly talk to them over facebook or something. The only friend I do talk to on the phone or text,(because she lives over an hour from where I live). Her husband also died two months after my husband so we do grieve together and talk to each other when we need that support but she is now in a relationship, she found someone that she use to go to school with and they were good friends back then and even were bf/gf when they were teenagers and they hit it right off and they actually sound just like my husband and I did. I am happy for her and glad she did but I cant stand this loneliness and emptiness that I feel. I don't know if I am ready for a relationship but I guess if it happens then it does.(feels weird to even say that) I never could imagine my life without my husband but I have no choice now. I am so sorry if I talked your ear off, I know this had really nothing to do with your post, But I guess I just needed someone to talk to and your post caught my eye. Thank you so much for listening.

If being picky means that you've set yourself standards then I don't think its a bad thing at all! My only advice would be to look at your list of what you would like in a partner & see if you've made it too restrictive! Sometimes we overlook a potential love interest because they don't come from the "right side of the tracks" or they don't have the right education....just open yourself up to possibilities! This coming from someone who doesn't have the best track record in terms of relationships!!! But hey - its always easier to give advice than to take it!!

It's hard to know if you are "too picky" - do you reject women based on minute details because you're actually too scared to be in a relationship (like Seinfeld)? But if you haven't been in love, then only you can know that and you have no need to justify it, and it's quite admirable that you haven't settled just to make everyone else happy.

Just you’re musing about this whole thing shows me you’re a good guy. I believe ya!<br />
Most guys would just screw anything with out thinking of the outcome. <br />
Not a lot of people worry about this stuff. But you’re turmoil about the whole thing is rare. And with all rare things it’s hard to find someone with the same mindset. But it’s not impossible.

say man its ok just go out and meet girls and have fun it is very hard to find the right women . so go buy some condoms and take it easy you will know which one is the right one but then again women are hard to understand i love them all but sometime they can drive u crazey and we are driving them crazey too just have fun

i lived like u and believed as u and when finally i met MY man it happened to be wrong time and i lost my only true love. its important meet it in right moment. by the way and he was like u...but finally he is happy with his first love whom he met again after many years. happy end for him.tragedy for me. i think there is only one true love for a person.the problem to meet it and in right moment amd right place. and not loose. its a choice how to live alone or like others.