Another Lonely Soul

I've read a lot of stories on here. Everyone has the same advice, "Go out and join a club, be social, etc." It's not that easy for me.

My parents divorced when I was 14. It was very messy. I basically took care of my younger brother who was 10 at the time. It forced me to grow up faster than I should of. I moved to another state and had a hard time making friends in my new high school. For all three years of high school, I only had two good friends. One turned out not to be so great and the other friend and I hardly talk anymore. All of my friends have been at least 2+ years older than me. I feel like I couldn't relate to anyone my age. I didn't get to go to college like everyone else. I'm in community college. I was hoping by going to one farther from my house would give me the opportunity to meet more people. I only met one person. I really liked this guy and I gave him my number. He has a girlfriend, but he showed interest in me. We talk everyday, but he never wants to hang out with me. Ever. I ask him if he wants to hang out and he ignores me. I have other friends,but they all turned 21 this year and all they do is go out. They are all negative and judgmental about everything. I hang out with them, but we never do anything because "I'm too young to do anything". I stopped hanging out with them because I don't want to hang out with people that will just bring me down. I want to hang out with people who are more positive about life because that is what I need.

I need to make friends my own age. I don't know how. I don't feel like I can relate to them still. I don't care for beer pong or Kesha. I'm hoping when school starts, I'll meet more people.

Lately, I've been so sad though. I feel so alone and I have no one. My phone hardly rings or anything. I sit in my room staring at the walls and think how I got to this point. I think about why I'm so sad and why I can't make friends. I try to talk to my dad about it, but his approach to how to deal with it is different. I used to go to therapy in 7th and 8th grade for depression and other things. My dad didn't like it, but I asked my mom to take me. Now that I'm 19, I can make the decision myself. My mother told me I should go if I feel that's what I need. Then I talk to my dad and he tells me therapy is for the weak minded and gave me this really good lecture which I understood, but it basically ended with the realization of I'll be lonely forever because of the person I am. I'm really nice and do whatever possible for my friends, but they never do the same for me. My dad told me about this Buddhist thing about how the kindest people will always be the loneliest because people will never return the favor nor be as caring as that person.

I don't want to be alone forever. I want friends but I don't know how to make them. I want to stop crying and feeling sad. I just don't know what to do anymore.

p.s. there is a lot more things to be said, but I don't feel like writing a novel.
SweetDisposition1 SweetDisposition1
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 3, 2010

add me lets be friends