Boyfriendless, As Always

Most people probably think I'm a normal girl, with quite a few friends. That's just a front. I try my best to make myself look social on Facebook, but in truth I spend most of my time alone. Most of my friends on Facebook don't really know me. I pretend I like being alone a lot and that it doesn't bother me, because I'm writing my book, or I just need a lot of downtime, but it really hurts when I see and hear about all the fun things everyone else is doing. This year on Canada Day while everyone else was dressing up in red and white, and having fun with their friends, I just stayed home, cringing every time I heard fireworks. I felt so alone then. The same thing happens on New Years and Valentine's Day, and most other holidays. Don't get me started on my birthday.

I would make lots of friends at school, but I went to private school, and when my "friends" began to find out that I'm not rich like them, and I'm from a different neighborhood than they were, they would stop being my friend. They would come to my house, and act normal, but then make fun of me and my house behind my back.

I've never had a boyfriend in my life, and I'm eighteen years old. People tell me that I'm beautiful, and men will stare at me and approach me, but it never seems to work out for me. I tell everyone my mom wouldn't let me date before, and that I'm newly on the market, but it's a lie. When guys hit on me, I act like my not ever having a boyfriend is no big deal to me, and I act strong. Inside I'm so weak, sad, and lonely. I've been hurt and used by guys and girls. Most guys just want me for sex, but I want to fall in love.

For the first time in my life, I think a guy may be falling for me. But I've gotten my hopes up so many times before only to have them crushed. I'm praying so hard that it'll work out this time, because I don't think I can take much more of this loneliness. I want a boyfriend so bad. I just want to be held, and kissed and loved like everyone else. I want to bake my boyfriend cookies and nurture him when he's sick. I see these girls treating their boyfriends so poorly, but I would treat mine like gold, because I will be so thankful for him. Maybe God is putting me through this pain to make me more loving. You know like the saying I had to be friendless to learn how to be a friend? I'm just so sick of feeling like I'm a piece of crap, because nobody wants me as their girlfriend, and so scared that I'll always be alone.
loubelle87 loubelle87
18-21, F
9 Responses Aug 4, 2010

Its like I wrote this...everybody around me is always going somewhere with their friends, or their boyfriendds, and I end up stuck at home. I've never had a boyfriend, and I try. I try to be flirty, sweet, shy, outgoing, but nothing works. People say I'm pretty, but guys never fall for me... I am pretty pale with short wavy blond hair and guys go for the longhaired straighthaired girls. My mom puts a pretty tight rein on me and I cant wear shirts that look at all "sexy" or attractive (meaning: I cant wear tank-tops or low-cut shirts without undershirts)<br />
I think a guy likes me right now, but i'm not sure. All that ever happens is heartbreak.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm 31 and have never had a girlfriend. Because of my lack of experience, I'm not as confident as I could be. Some days I think girls can pick up on my lack of experience and it turns them off. I really just want to find a girl to love and be loved by, that is my dream, I think about it all the time. I'm not unattractive, I just haven't been able to find and emotionally connect with "Ms. Right."<br />
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As to guys, girls have to be careful, especially good looking girls like you. You are right, there are definitely some guys out their that just want to sleep with a girl. They have no interest in a relationship or getting to know her, they just want to be able to say they slept with a particular girl. What is unfortunate about this whole situation, is many young women tend to reward these kinds of men and ignore the "good" guys.

Why dont you approach guys? You shy? I know it is supposed to be the other way around, but there is plenty of guys who dream about girlfriend like you, they just never have the self-confidence to ask you out.

I feel like I wrote this myself. This is really close to how I feel.

I know how you feel too. People think I'm social, out going etc. But I spend my whole on the computer, not because I want to or because I'm addcited to it, it's just that I dont have anything to do. But hey girl, you're not the only one.<br />
Go out, the world is waiting for you. Join clubs, do things. Someone out there is out for both of us. All you have to do is stay patient and true.

Hey girl...heh. People will tell you that it gets better after high school, after college, after you turn 24 or so...for doesn't. I'm 29 and live in Pittsburgh. Nearly 90% of what you said, I felt that in high school and then college. <br />
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I think for you-you need to be more open minded towards things. I don't know if you live in an urban environment or more a rural one; however, I will tell you my story. <br />
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I always lived in a middle-upper class area outside of Pittsburgh. My parents weren't wealthy. In fact, they declared bankruptcy my freshmen yr of college. Evidently, I started to drink a lot. I always asked God "If I graduated with a 4.28, why can I not afford a comparable education." He never answered. <br />
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It took me 8 years to get my **** together and move to Philadelphia where I DID manage to gain acceptance into the University of Pennsylvania. I was doing well for 2 years and then my best friend (my MOM) died. I cracked again and left the golden opportunity that was given to me. I have been drinking a ton and recently got laid off my job. <br />
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2 years later, I am moving again. This time, I am moving away from everything of the past. I am moving 1400 miles away and hoping to start over with my 2 dogs and my ambition. Sometimes running away doesn't work. I am hoping that this time it will because it has a purpose. <br />
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You are young...hang in there. Life sucks; nevertheless...keep trying. Like myself, i hope that I will make it. Get a PUG dog. They will always look at you in an admirable manner. They are great friends.<br />
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good luck<br />

I totally feel the same exact way. i have friends but i'm not close to them. i HATE that feeling you get when you know everyone around who has a busy social life but you. i've wanted a boyfriend so bad for years too, and it really does bother me that some girls take their boyfriends for granted, i couldnt imagine doing that <br />
I hope it gets better for you!

I'm so high maintenance because I want guys to approach me. Gah! What a vicious circle. So basically I'm destined to end up with some douche or alone. Well, I feel so much better. <br />
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Kidding, but not really. Thanks for responding. Yeah I'm sure I've got some more lamentations to get out. <br />
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hey there, i can relate, except i dont want a boyfriend lol<br />
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this may sound a little err crap? but 90% of men that approach 'beautiful' women are that of the competitive/in it for the glory type, so many men dont approach 'hot' girls because they are intimidated by their looks and assume them to be high maintenance... thats from a real sociological study<br />
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another thing, facebook.. dude, if fake has a symbol, that blue box with the white f is it<br />
i would like to hear from you again, because i can feel your pain, your not the only one who spent a new years or two alone xox