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Sick Of Being Lonely And Depressed, Don't Know What To Do Anymore.......

I made an accout to see if maybe i could find people like me and if it could help me. Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore; Im a 17 yr old girl in highschool. Most kids in highschool have many friends and are always busy doing something, but not me. I hate my life. Im trying not to cry as i write this. I get really mad at myself because theres really nothing wrong in my life except me. I hate myself. Boredom and lonliness depresses me so much. I have no life. I go to school then come home and eat, then do my hw and stay alone in my room. I used to cut my wrists for awhile especially when i got really mad or lonely but then i stopped, i would do it on and off but i havent done it in at least a month. I have no friends and i constantly become angry with my family, my brother calls me a drama queen and it makes me feel horrible because he doesnt understand how i feel, no one does. About 2 months ago i grew severely depressed and i didnt know what to do but i didnt have the balls to end my life, i get even more mad at myself for being a coward. I just had been in bed for a couple of days depressed and then i got mad at my mom over something and i was just crying in my room alone. There was an asprin bottle but the dosage wasnt very high. I took about 1/2 the bottle. I keep trying to sleep but kept shaking and crying, i took some 8 tylenol to put me to sleep. I woke up the next day partly deaf, i freaked out thought i was going to be deaf forever. After couple days i told my mom i accidently took more asprin then i was supposed to and that my stomach had bern feeling kind of weird. My stomach and chest burned really bad. That was two months ago and im still here but im sure i have after affects from my stupidity. Now im becoming really depressed again, i have no friends, i used to always hangout with this one girl but she has her own issues with her bf and she has been ignoring me, i havent gone out in a long time and ive never had a bf im really embarresed about my life. Im a nice person and care a lot about others but apparently other people dont :( . Im super bores lonely and depressed idk what to do, people usually stick to their group of people and dont ever try to be friendly to lonely people like me and if they do, they never ask me to hangout because they have their own life. I just hope i dont go back to before but idk :(
JustM3E JustM3E 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 15, 2011

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I remember being very lonely when I was younger too. I didn't date boys or do drugs, and was very shy, so I didn't really have a group I fit in with, and like you, the only girlfriend I had stopped talking to me, as soon as she got a boyfriend. She was suddenly too good for me after that. I think a lot of people avoided me, because I acted scared of the world, which I was, because I was taught to be that way at home, by my mother. She taught me to just be quiet, so my dad would never get mad. I learned not to talk, and did not know how to socialize, because that is not what we did at home, in order to keep the peace. Now that I'm older, and look back, I realize, although I had problems, there wasn't anything wrong with me, that would make someone not want to be my friend, besides my shyness making it a bit hard for them, and my not reaching out. It was hard for me to be friendly. Now that I have learned how to be, I realize because of God, that I am special, because God loves me, and I am worth something, and he has given me a loving heart. I wish I would have had a relationship with him back then, so I would have had the confidence that he now gives me. My suggestion to you would be to try and find a Christian youth group. I'm sure you will meet some good people there, if you ask God to lead you to the right church, or group. I go to Celebrate Recovery, which is a Christian based 12 step program for hurts, habits, and hang-ups. I find much Christian support there. God helps to keep me strong through fellowship, and supporting one another to follow God. The more we seek, listen, and obey him, the better things get, but I still get lonely at times, because nearly my whole family rejects me for being a Christian. Because they reject Jesus, they do not accept me either, but I tell you it is worth it. Pleasing God, is more satisfying to me than having friends, but I have not given up hope, since God has helped me become closer to people in the group, I must keep believing him to help me find some that I can hang out with too. My two closer friends, have already passed away, which left me with only acquaintances. I run into a lot of people I am friendly with, and talk with in passing, but don't talk with on the phone, or hang out with on a regular basis. Please do not give up, and please do not hurt yourself. The devil wants us to destroy ourselves, and he uses certain people that are not following God, to ignorantly say things to bring us down, and leave us with no hope. Do not believe those lies from the pit of hell, because you are worth something special not only to God, but to other people that you are yet to meet and become friends with. Not all of us have an easy time making friends, but does not mean we are any less important or valuable. For one thing, I'm picky. I won't hang out with people doing the things God says not to do. I will be friendly and talk with them in passing, and witness to them, but I want to hang out with the wise, so I will become wise, and I don't want to become foolish, from hanging out with people doing foolish things. I think more of myself than that now, because of Jesus dying for me, and helping me to become righteous, only because of what he did for me, and by sending me the Holy Spirit. I do pray right now, that God helps you to feel his love for you, help you to be saved, if you are not already, by asking him forgiveness, acknowledging he died in your place for any mistakes you have made, which we all have done, and repenting or changing with his help, cleansing you from all unrighteousness, not only so you will go to Heaven, but so he can give you life and life more abundant here on earth. I pray you get saved, so he can bless you with lots of Christian friends, and family. Just as I need for myself too. I hope you consider asking Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, and come into your heart, so he can guide you daily. When we listen to God, and ask him what his will is for our life, and follow what he tells us, than we are more satisfied than anything else this world has to offer. He supplies all our needs. Resist temptations that the devil uses to keep us from focusing on God, and from following him. The devil likes to get us to do things in order to comfort ourselves the wrong way, so we will not find God's fulfilling way. God can, and will, satisfy all your needs, when you seek him with all your heart. He will help you love yourself so much, that you will want to give it to others, who will be glad you are alive, and respond to your kindness with appreciation. You will help them feel loved also, and feed each other's lonely souls to be lonely no more. God gives us assurance and peace, that no one else can give, that can help us make it through everything, and make doing the right thing worth it. Pleasing God satisfies my soul. It pleases him when I love others as I should, so I will continue to work at that, with his help, and try and resist the things that cause me to give up, and take my eyes off of him. If I just start searching for the gate of escape, when temptation comes, instead of focusing so much on the temptation, maybe I would recover even more from some of my bad habits, that have been holding me back from letting someone into my life all the way. May he give you strength to over come anything that might be holding you back too. May God be with you. Love in Christ, Lisa

You are at a difficult age. It is easy to be depressed, self absorbed. I know this doens't help, but it will get better. Almost everyone goes thru a variation of what you are now, even they "perfect" people that seem so happy. <br />
Hang in there. Try to get as much excercise as you can. It clears out the debris that settles in your body. Hormones, stress, sluggishness.<br />
I know what I say seems impossible. Take little steps. Just go for a walk and write down all the wonderful things you see. Only you can make you happy.

I am sorry you are so sad. I wish I could make life fair but it is not and it never will be. It can be good but you have to fight for it. I was once a lot like you, no matter what I just never seemed to be happy. Then one day a friend told me, " fake it till you make it." If I couldn't be happy then I was suppose to just pretend I was, till I eventually got there. Believe it or not, it worked. You need something in your life to help you see your worth. Interested in any sports? ever consider volunteering or just getting a job? Promise yourself everyday that you will be the best person you can be, and follow through. It sounds simple but it is a hard thing to do once you have fallen into the trap of depression. When you get up make yourself smile at your mother and brother and tell them Good morning. No matter how mean or stupid anyone gets keep smiling. Don't let anyone bring you down. It is extremely difficult, but stick it out and watch what happens. If anyone asks you why you are smiling, tell them just because you want to. Everyone is depressed or sad, just no one wants to admit it. That popular girl you go to school with, her life is not so great. It just looks that way because of the way she has chosen to respond. People are naturally drawn to happy people because they think they know some secret to happiness and everyone wants to be happy. Choose who you want to be and how you want to be. I want to be the kindest, happiest, smartest person I can be. So everyday I try my best to put on a smile, no matter what, and be as kind and helpful as I can to everyone I meet. I open doors for people, I say good morning, I compliment their attire. I don't gush, just say a little something then move on. At first, people were leary of this new me. I got a lot of , "what's wrong with you?s" but I just smiled and kept it up and now I get a lot of good mornings and compliments and invites. I still have down moments, but overall I have to say, I am finally happy and you can be too. P. S. don't ever do that with the aspirin or tylenol again. It honestly can kill you. It can cause sever live damage and if you think you are miserable and in a lot of pain now, believe me... it can get a lot worse. Liver failure is a long drawn out painful process. A super horrible way to die.