Sometimes I Wonder Why God Screws Me Over Even Though I Have Done Nothing Wrong And I Need Somebody To Talk To.

Im 15, and i have more issues then most adults, im a guy, and  im overweight, but not obese, i hate myself, im not bad looking, i have hair that almost goes to my shoulders, and  i wonder what ive done to deserve the treatment i get from people, Sometimes i feel im purposely avoided by friends, espicially girls, for no reason. And there are only two people im close to in this world and they dont even know im depressed, in fact no one does. the only people who im close to is my dad and my best friend tanner, my parents are divorced so i hardly see my dad and when i do my step mom hogs him and i hardly get to hang out with him, so lately ive had no one to talk to, so the biggest thing im trying to get out of this website is someone to talk to and i wont feel crazy or insane. Every girl i start to like turns out to be a *****, *****, or both, i dont ask for much, all i  want is a girl who will love me thin and  thick and will talk to me and not judge when i get a little down, i probabaly wont tell you because i hide my emotions from everyone, everyday before i leave my house i look in the mirror, see the person i hate, put on a fake smile and head out the door and ignore every problem i have, but when i get home and all i have to do is think, i realize how lonely, depressed, andhow much i wish i had someone to talk to. I would never kill myself but ive though about death more then the average joe. My biggest fear in life is one day im going to look in the mirror, realize im 40 something, notice ive done nothing in my life but party and hide my emotions, and be all alone. So the short thing is i fear being alone, and im already starting to fear that i will.  I have alot more problems but i dont like to share everyting with strangers so if you to talk, i have a facebook, just email me or something, so if you recognize any of my pain, befriend me, i dont care who you are.


coltonconley coltonconley
13-15, M
22 Responses Jun 16, 2011

Hello, let me first say 15 is a tough age. I'm in my 40's now and can still remember back to how horrible I was treated in high school. Thank God all the things that made me so odd to others helped me as an adult and taught me compassion for others. If it makes you feel better, those kids who seem to have it all in high school usually have trouble moving on as adults and do a lot of daydreaming to their former glory days of teenhood. But, you will have a lot to look ahead too. Having no family when I was young God was all I had, God made me His when I was young and He's been all I've ever wanted or needed so please don't think He's out to get you. Remember this, Jesus came into a world He created to save and He was (& is) the most hated person that ever walked the face of the Earth! It takes strength to follow Him, but it's that path that leads to eternal life! Please don't loose hope, find it in Him. John 14:6

People=**** i know how you feel. Your young so keep your chin up and dont care what people think. They arent worth knowing really.

Sometimes you may think that other people aren't as lonely as you are and that they are popular with a bunch of friends but it wasn't until i befriended this poplar girl and found out just ow many "friends " she had that she was actually almost friendless. People are a lot more alone than you think but the good part is that the world is filled with col people who would love you if they got to know you they just haven't met you yet. II'd like to befriend you if you don't mind :)

I don't know if you'll get this response cause you already have many caring responses but I understand how you feel I am fifteen too. I sometimes think about how I could kill myself too because I feel so lonely but what I do is I think about the future. I think how I will get out of this **** hole that's making me feel like crap and go to someplace where I can not feel horrible I hope You get through this.

I feel that way a lot of the times too, except no one knows my depression. Sometimes I feel like the answer is throwing a party, which I always plan, but I can't seem to follow through. Perhaps you should just do it, and we both can, parties can do a few things, let you have fun, and make other people realize how cool you are outside school. As for getting girlfriends, I can't help you there, as I never had a girlfriend, a kiss, or a girl that had the slightest bit of attraction towards me. I did have a plan for the girl I currently like, but that went through the roof. I called it MasterMind Plan S.R, filled with many sub-goals. My biggest one was tutor them, which they agreed to, but then never responded to times to do it after that. This was a plan since the summer, but I let it get past, thinking she forgot about me, until she came up to me and talked to me out of nowhere, and I played it smooth, I talked about school and grades, everything a girl just loves to talk about (hope you noticed the sarcasm) and offered to tutor her. Even became her friend on Facebook to hopefully contact her about it, but as I said, after a few responses, she never responded back, which quite frankly depressed me, as now I must wait for my infatuation to fade, which could take a while with her, and then feel that feeling of losing again. Maybe you should look at my relationship problem, and do the reverse of what I did.

I know how you feel. I'm 15 too. My brother died of cancer, my parents divorced last year and are fighting over custody, I have one friend, nobody knows I'm depressed, nobody knows I cry myself to sleep or cut. It sucks, I know. Just stay strong.

N i really really recommend that u tell ur dad or ur friend Tanner abt ur depression. THE SOONER , THE BETTER.

Hello there. God bless u.
I read it all . N i can easily relate to it. U wont believe, last night i was told by my closest friend that What the hell is wrong with u ??? U faking it. U not clinically depressed. U lie.

Imajine how devasted i felt.

I dunt knu. People like u n me, who are caring, true n sensitive, get the worst of all. U are a brave man , young bro. U are brave indeed to be dealing with all that all on ur own !!!!!

Someday u are going to look back n be proud of ur struggle n patience.

N u are so young ryt now. U have a whole life ahead of u. U are going to get a wonderful gal, cuz u deserve that. I am around if u need an morale unlift. God bless u.

I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. I'm also depressed. You seem like such a nice guy. Things will get better with time. But you need to tell people what's going on with you. If you ever need someone to talk too, I'm here. I know what it's like to have no one to talk too.

You must tell your parents you are depressed. Tell your dad your feelings. I think you have low esteem and believe it, or not other people pick up on it. I think if you felt better emotional your weight will come off. Try going on walks, or riding your bike everyday. When you exercise it helps fight depression, and find a hobbie. You got plenty of time to find a girlfriend. Plan out your future. Which college your going go to? Which subjects your going to take?What is your carreer interest? Try visiting the college. What you want to be and start working towards that goal. When you have high self-esteem and a sense of direction and feel good about you. Don't worry girls will flock you.

So as the person who is in their mid-40's, ive been through a lot and the best answer I can give you is that yes, life can be hard and sometimes lonely - at any age - but the Truth is you are NEVER alone and to believe otherwise is a huge lie....I guarantee you there are a huge number of people that care deeply about yes, even strangers as this board has do I know? Two thoughts - 1) We(wife and four kids) lost our home last year to a fire...everything...including our dog...but friends came out of the wood work with calls, clothes, money, whatever we needed...friends I hadn't heard from since I was your age called to express their concern...but NOT just friends, complete strangers did the same thing....don't believe the lie, it's from the out if hell. 2). The most consoling thought of all...think of what Jesus REALLY went through...he had his group of buddies....until they all turned and ran, rejected him to His face...he got spit on...punched in the face...abandoned, like we all feel when our parents reject us...and then hung up to die...just so He could know YOU - what it was like to be YOU - the pain, the loneliness, the rejection...and He died so we would all never be alone...because people will let us down - my wife has many times, women aren't the secret, the silver bullet...only Jesus fill the hole we all have fully...Him and the people that choose to express his don't believe the are never alone...I'll pray for you...much love wherever this finds you...Tom

Dont bible-bash him you sick ****!!!

I agree with every single person who posted above...and i agree that God loves you...that you are created uniquely...that there is no one exactly like you...that you are significant and have a makes me sad that you would hate yourself like seem like a sweetie and i pray that one day you will see your value..see yourself as God sees you!! I hope that you have found some healing in the friendships offered you here...don't ever give up, and always be you...don't believe the lies out there that this world imposes on us...the lies that we somehow don't measure up, that there is some ridiculous, invisible standard by which we must measure ourselves and find ourselves always deficient somehow, just because of how other people have treated us...these people don't even know what they are doing and are pretty mixed up themselves. God loves you more than you could ever imagine, and He doesn't judge you at all...and knows every single feeling you have ever been through. It's important that you look at your qualities...not at what you think is wrong with's obvious by the way you write that you are smart....and nice-looking, even though the outer doesn't even come close to the importance of what is on the inside...and you don't sound at all like a superficial sound like you aren't one to follow the crowd, or be mean to others...and that is an awesome quality...and how people treat you is not a reflection on you, it's a negative reflection on them...and i'm sure that you have tons of other qualities that you probably aren't even aware of, but that other people could probably spot if they really got to know you!! God bless you, kiddo...i think you are pretty brave to face each day having to live through the pain that you've gone through...don't ever underestimate your own courage, my friend!!

Wow it sounds like me two or three years ago if you want some help trying to get out of it I would be glad to help :)

Aww, you seem like a sweet person, you shouldn't feel depressed, everyone is like a gemstone, with their own special price, and color, and their is not another one like you in the world. As for girls, they can be rude, and I'm sorry, you deserve better, and I know I don't know you, but it's the truth.

Enjoy your youth, and don't hang with people who suck the happy out of you. It makes life miserable. And don't rush love, it will come eventually. And if love is truly the right thing for you, it will find you when you least expect it. But it will find you. Don't worry about it now. Just focus on growing up and becoming the person YOU want to be, and then later in life, you will find the right person. Life isn't supposed to be a fairytale, that's why people created movies and books. Life is life. But remember that movies are written by sc<x>riptwriters, you life is written by God.

Tht sounds ****** up! dont worry im in the same boat as u! im here 4 u when u need me! and dont worry u will find sum 1 who loves u 4 who u r and not wut u look like! u seem like a great guy! just remember tht ur not alone and 2 pray and keep looking 4 those who willl except u 4 u!

I felt like that, sometimes I still do... you will overcome those feelings, it will be stored in a dark place in your mind... and one day something will trigger your memory and you will feel tempted to go to that dark place, to feel depressed again... it will happen more than once... it will be like a scar that when touched bleeds (it doesn't make sense, but it feels like it), is much harder to close it then it was before...<br />
If you want to, you can talk to me, i really understand how you're feeling

ive been to hell and back and i can tell you that being only 18 and going through the expierences ive been through everything will get better if you express yourself for who you really are dont hide those emotions it will only get worse. the next time you are with your closes friend or someone you love tell them how you really feel let it all out what is there to lose there is all to gain. in life if you keep looking at yourself in the mirror and putting on that fake smile on no one will ever know who you truely are. tell your dad you really need to talk to him get the message through to him that you havent felt happy.<br />
like i said im 18 and im a guy ive gone through what you are feeling but on a bigger scale i delt with being verbaly and physically abused as a young child (4yr old-13yrs old) and during my early teen years i felt worthless stupid and depressed i never hurt myself in anyway but what doesnt kill us makes us stronger if you ever just need to talk im here for you

Hey, you're not alone. I've felt the same way too, but not as on large a scale. I'm not good at expressing myself in words, but if you ever need anyone to talk to I'll help as best as I can. I've been through horrors as well, some things people would never dream of, so I hope that if you need anything at all, you won't hesitate to ask me, or anyone you trust for that matter. You don't seem like you deserve anything that you're getting, and I hope everything works out for you.<br />
<br />
Remember, I'm here if you need me.

I am not a big believer of God but I don't think you'll end up alone. You seem like really decent guy with a lot to offer and it's a shame that people do judge and don't give a second thought. It's seems like your head is in the right place and your hearts not. I understand just how you feel because I used to feel like that and still do but once you start to get confidence it really does help.<br />
<br />
When you look in the mirror, don't hate yourself just look for something good, like I said you really do seem like a nice guy so try not to worry to much about how people see you. The people that are worth something in life will try and get to know you. They shouldn't care about how you look, because in my opinion looks has nothing to do with life! There's only one type of beauty in this world and that's the person you are inside.<br />
<br />
The whole thing with your dad, try not it let it get to you, use him as an example of what you don't want to be. Just keep going, work hard and you'll end up in a very nice place.<br />
<br />
If you ever need to talk i'm here. :)

God loves you. We all have many issues and problems to deal with because sadly, that's how life works..But God doesn't allow us to encounter problems that are bigger than we can deal with, so don't worry, you can do this!:) And don't worry, you've always got someone here to talk to--me!:)<br />
<br />
I agree with heyhihellokiss on everything else!:)

you sound pretty good in expressing yr self in words,, you type as if you have a good head on yr shoulders,, and the weight,, dont worry of it.. others will see you as you and the girls they r stupid now,, at this age they dont know the good guys from the bad ones, looks are everything in school,, you be strong in your self and yr view of yr self... least you can walk, talk think and move about without a wheel chair,,, you can run and jump and breath easy.. and you can see and even hear yr favorite music... the world sees us as we are, its the stupid people in it that dont see whats important to all of us.. big ones little ones short people tall people and the little skinny people who its hard for them to gain weight,,, right now at yr age yr learning and growing and have plenty of time to be you... you stand in front of that mirror and pick one thing you like about your self... be it yr hair yr eyes yr height or yr muscle tone.... or just be it you becasue you can stand there and see yr self standing tall and to be honored to be able to see the you... on the dad thing... it sux alot of dads make the kids and leave, so these days yr not alone there is many young men and women your age that only has one parent and for some weird reason the one parent you got isnt yr most wanted, but hey thank god they are there for you...right now every thing is bs sometimes,, but give it time... you make yr self happy in what makes u feel good,,, some where some thing makes you happy... or find what does.... you will be what ever you want to be,,, but hard work in what u do be it food work or cashier work or stock work or doing what ever,, the btter you have dreams of what i can do the more your self will change and you will feel good inside for your self.... as to having girls now,,, once again they r stupid... and yall both have alotta growing to do... but start now searching for waht u waht to make a living at doing... start researching and learning it now... the internet has every thing on how to,, youtube is great,lol good luck things will get better with time,,, stand tall and proud in that mirror the mirror image you see is what you are you have a heart, feelings and you stand tall as a gentlemen ~~ck~

wow... idk how i can thank you, its werid to say but you have actually given me a whole differenet perspetive

wow, that's good advice, but I have to disagree on one point you made; not all girls at this age are stupid and/or can't tell the good guys from the bad, and I don't really like that assumption :/

didnt mean to offend anyone girls quote girls,, are stupid,, its cartoon quote from my daughters cartoons she draws..ment to be funny... as to judge bad from good there is also ones who will judge on looks before their friends and social groups at school or hangouts, in regards a girls judements of boys being bad or being good this subject can branch out like limbs on tree with so much information and which way the conversation can go,, so in this everyone is stupid sometimes in their own right.. even me.... but its a funny kinda sutpid... peace~ck~