Even With Experience ProjectI know it's painfully obvious that not everyone who goes online is being truly truthful. Some people simply love drama or the fiction of it all. I guess as long as no one gets hurt... still, there have been so many times I've written something on experience project, something sincere and someone writes something nasty and hateful- not even constructive. What purpose does this serve?
People say they are lonely, or they are this or that and they do come online- but when you write them they can never seem to write you back. This has happened to me a lot. I think the amount of replies I've received on Experience Project has outweighed the nasty comments or genuine replies in something close to a 20:1 ratio. Fortunately I HAVE had some nice genuine folks reply and chat with me. I won't name any names, but I'm sure most people who use EP have found someone nice like that.
My life is kind of messed up. I'm not being overly critical, I really do have a sorta medical issue that keeps me from meeting new people. Almost all of my social life is comprised of emails and maybe the occasional chat. When I say chat, I mean just one person I talk with using yahoo messenger. One person. I don't talk to anyone in person, no one visits me and I don't really leave my house much for reasons not involving social fears.
That leaves things like EP. I can count on one hand how many people I have a steady email discussion with back and forth- people who I can write and occasionally they may send me something. I wish I had more people like that- or people who actually 'talk'. Writing something genuine, something I've really put thought into and then having it ignored or having some troll try to invalidate my words hurts. It really does hurt, more than most people would understand simply because of this ominous medical thing I mentioned (a nervous disorder with fringe 'benefits').
Sometimes I've had people who seemed pretty genuine who I've spoken with on a few occasions and then they seem to get sick of me or offended. I know I am a little rough around the edges sometimes, hell it's because I have really gone through quite a lot in life and maybe there's no excuse for that but then again how can a serious lack of compassion be the answer?
I feel lost. I'm not trying to whine; although I really have had a pretty rough life. Why would it have to be that one of the only social outlets I have so often offer up fake, nasty people. Not everyone of course, lots of EP'ers are awesome! You know which category you fall into :D
Each year I feel 'a normal life' slipping from me, I see conventional things taken from me for reasons I cannot always explain or things that are out of my control- sincerely. It would be easy to **** and moan about problems and not be able to back it up with real situations, but I really feel like I can genuinely say that part of the reason I feel I am unhappy in life is simply that I don't really have much of anyone to talk to. Certainly nothing much that challenges my intellect or stimulates my creative side.
I do try, I am trying, I don't want to push people away even if it can be a habit. Still, there is simply no excuse for people to act the way they do sometimes. I don't think people take the time to realize just how hurtful their words (or even more their silence) can be, especially for someone like me.
It sounds pitiful, boo hoo no one will talk to me... truly though, I don't really have the ability to live a life most people do. Even worse, each time I make an effort to be a part of the world and feel shut out or ignored, I care a little less. I don't write on EP as much as I used to, I don't love it as much as I used to. I'm still here, I still try... I just wish I felt like more people cared, or at least really saw more nice comments than "believe in Jesus he will save..." or "Who do you think you are you're"... you know, the typical BS replies you see far too many of when people pour their hearts out on here. I feel like I'm babbling now... but I can't put into words just how much it hurts to be so alone in life and have this wonderful outlet... and see it trashed by mean spirited people who are too weak to be anything other than negative.