Im Sad Angry Lonely

i almost want to be completely shut away from the world ive always hide my feelings and put on a mask  or whatever you want to call it ive always tryed to help people and make a persons day by giving them a hug or cracking a joke try to be a gentlemen  im 18 years old ive had a rough enough time throughout my school life being bullied day after day does something to a person its almost as if theres something inside you that was unbreakable that no one could touch or harm with physical or emotional abuse but after a while you get wore down and out to the point were you cant guard that any more and it breaks then you change. the memories of getting bullied still haunt me and getting raped also haunts my mind it happened when i was about 13 or so and then trying to deal with one of my friends oding on drugs and just about dying on me or whaching my freind get ran over by his own truck  i just wanted to be shut away in a hole and never come out then fast forward a couple years about 2 months or so all i looked forward to was getting drunk on friday every weekend and reject people that wanted to hangout or party thats what i did then i quit because i figured out i wasnt getting anywere so i stopped that but tryed to control my drinking which i did i did that or wanted to drive my truck off a cliff. but i still feel alone having enough trouble trying to find a nice girl who isnt a ***** or **** i dont look for pity by no means i work i try to make ends meet i know things get worse b4 they get better but i honestley dont feel that way i feel angry and i lie all the time it seems idk wat to do were to go anymore
katty13 katty13
18-21, M
1 Response Jul 13, 2011

its easier to have a drink because it numbs the pain for a while <br />
its easier to hide away because you dont have to make the effort with people <br />
its easier to stay away because then no ones really see's you <br />
its easier to not let anyone in because then you wont depend on them n then you wont be set up for a dissappointment ....<br />
sound familiar <br />
i dont know either but we cant stop trying to figure it out .... because to continue going on this way ... <br />
there has to be more to life .... there has to be feeling ... happy .. someday n that will be worth the fight in the end .... i hope , your not alone mate ... best of luck