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Too Damned Proud To Quit~

   Hello all, my name is MK, or Marcus Kerensky to those of you who need a full name.  I have spent of my life alone, feeling like a dickensian orphan pressing his nose to a warm window of a happy family at christmas.  I am handsome, intelligent, literate, passionate, well spoken and polite.  Yet I am alone, utterly.  I have been an abject failure in every relationship Ive ever had, I never seem to say quite the right thing at the right time, and being intelligent, and aware of it only makes it worse, as I blush, then stammer, and finally just shut down and look sheepish and juvenile.  This is not something I used to do, but a result of other people, mostly women I have dated who suffer from social anxiety disorder.  Couple that with my sense of "outsideness", and I have become nigh unto a recluse.  Im here because I just want others to know that this is something I fight everyday, and win.  Even if it doesn't feel like it, I am.  To be honest though, the harder I try, the more tired and beat down I feel.  Alot of this stems from the fact that I dont even know how, or where to meet a woman these days, and that just degrades my self esteem even more.  
   I guess my point is though, I fight, every day to be stronger, and learn, and better myself, rather than succumb to how I feel all of the time.  I just refuse to be a "statistic", or a sob story in the back of a church program on the floor of the church closet.  
   If anyone ever wants to talk, plz just drop me a line.  I do understand......

Always With Honor
Marcus Kerensky
MarcusKerensky MarcusKerensky 31-35 3 Responses Nov 18, 2011

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Toxic friends, negative people, jealous people are people You Do Not Need. There's a lot of them about. Putting someonne down to self elevate yourself is the lowest form of making yourself feel better and A Lot Of People Do It. You are better than that. I'm the same as you from what you describe and it is hard. Carefull not to say anything too positive about yourself to people like that, LOL, they won't like it. On the plus side there are a lot of good people out there, unfortunately you'll meet a lot of bad people on the wat to meeting the good ones.

Hey Marcus,<br />
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Keep going buddy you will meet someone special soon. I share your feelings and experiences so know where you are at. Over the years I have become comfortable with who I am. I have been in many relationships with women who like to put me down and say that I'm 'not normal.' I'm happy to walk away from negative people like that. Being quiet, shy and socially awkward is not a crime. I'm a good person with a lot to offer the world and I know you are as well. Good luck, keep going mate.

I just wanted to say that I think its awesome you aren't letting your social anxieties rule your life. Best of luck to you :)