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Long Long Story......

Well, Im going to keep my story as short an sweet as i can because ill be writing a book, if i dont but her goes, and i dont know why im writng i know what i gotta do but i just cant seem to do it....
I had got married 13 years ago to a man that yes, i loved but hated the in laws ( im sorry to be so vauge)   He was the last of five children and the his mother is very very controlling.  Well I had got pregent with my 12 year old son, and we was married a few months later.  He always argued about bills, money, he always had an addictive personnality.  If it wasnt gambling, id find **** vidoes, mags, every where hid from me.  About 7 years ago he got into pain pills, and drinking very heavy.  Would lie about everything, gambled, drank, lied about paying our home owners insurance, then spit in my face for finding out he lied when he said he paid it and didnt.   locked his truck doors all the time.  I lost my dad almost three years ago,  a man that was very good to us,  i performed cpr on him, he and my mom im very close to and we live beside eachother.  his parents whom live 7 miles away wouldnt even come the night my dad had a masive heart attack to watch are now three kids so he could come to be with us in the hospital.  my dad died that day.  a few months before he died he had pain pills taken off him.  WE JUST ARE GUESSING WHOM MAY HAVE TOOK THEM??? yes my husband.  however, thing got worse then he finally left.  the day my dad was burried he stole my debit card and went to eat wings..however, whne he left yes he came back and took everything from the house the tractor, quads etc etc, broke the kids pool we would be in playing because of his shelfish ways, brainwashed my older child againist me. 

and can you believe since then i let that man back in this house, after he had an affair with the married neighbor of his.  She went to the same chruch as me and the kids go to.  she tried to run my name in the dirt.  total hipprocraite.  but yes, he did come back and it was the worse yr we ever had, he promised to go to anger managment and promised that we would work on this but it did happen.  ugliness again and again to finally i said he cant continue this any long with the three wonderful children we have.  so  he left again.  to this day i seem to still think one day its going to work,  yesterday he hated me today he loves me tomorrow he will be hating me again.  why can i seem to let him go what i know i have to do.  if i dont speak to him in a day im wondering whats going on, i now i cant continue to let him make me feel so depressed loney, he wont let me move on.  as sad as it is i think there is still love there for us both, but to much bitterness and to much has happened ...how do i get on with my life.  I like in the house we baught together and i plan to somehow keep it bc it means alot to me  its sentimental.  i love my childen i want them to see what we had is not and never will be accetpable.  i love him and wish things could of worked out and so does he, however he not going to quite drinking so how do i get over all this for not only for the sake of my wonderful children but for my sanity reasons as well i open for suggiestions.....thanks   sorry for all type and misspelled words im half sleeping and going to bed night
missingyou567 missingyou567 36-40, F Apr 22, 2012

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