What Just Happened?

I used to be a really shy person when I was little, but in middle school I started opening up a little. I made some friends, but they turned out to be dishonest and talked behind my back and spread rumors. I lost a lot of my trust in people until I went to high school. I knew no one, and no one knew me, so I started fresh and made the best friends I've ever had.
Now it is almost the end of my freshman year of college, and the entire year has consisted of me missing home and missing my friends. I miss not having to explain things to people and not having to wonder if I can trust people. My friends knew me so well, and I knew I could tell them anything. Now sometimes I just want to be alone, but I get so lonely. My roommate is awesome, but over the weekend she stays at her boyfriend's and I have no one to talk to as my dorm is relatively quiet and no one really leaves their door open.
I got so depressed when I started school. Now I have friends and I find myself having fun more often, but it is times like these when I still feel lonely. Whenever I go home my depression is gone.
My parents told me we could look at some other colleges this summer in case I wanted to transfer, but I don't want to go through the process of starting over all over again. My parents think I'll be able to make an informed decision about my school once I'm away from school and back home, but I know I can never truly be unbiased because I love home and I worry that this summer will convince me to transfer.
High school was the best time of life; I had never felt more loved, more confident, and more successful. Now I feel like I am retrogressing after all the progress I made, and it feels awful. So many people say how much they love college and love the school, but I just think it's OK. I can't wait for the semester to be over so I can see all my friends and family again. And even if it makes me biased about my feelings come next year, I just want to feel really good again.
hollaatyourkoala hollaatyourkoala
18-21, F
Apr 28, 2012