My Loniless Story

hey guys...my parents are always busy ryt from childhood...i do no whether iam unlucky..i have been alone ryt from childhood...had n o friends..havent celebrated my birthday since childhood...i friendly with guys and gals...always kiddish in all ways...dont take anything serious..wen people hurt me..i dont hurt them..even in collge life people dont like me..is there any wrong speaking to guys..all call me by different names...now even my best friend leaves..hearing some other words...now iam completely alone..i waanna end my life...i have my beloved one..but hearing all thse things..i cant hurt him...he is such kind and gentle...iam so alone depressed..daily no peace in mind...always crying...hard feelings that i got no one..guys help me...
123alan 123alan
18-21, F
3 Responses May 9, 2012

I was 17 and 18 and tried to kill myself. I'm 32 now. I'm glad I didn't die. But I still remember how I felt and remember everything I was going through at that time. I used to cry, never smiled, felt like a failure, was very depressed, I didn't have the energy to do nothing. Nothing mattered anymore...I would stay in bed and cry. I didn't want to live anymore. I had stop caring. It's been a journey for me. I had my ups and downs and gone though a lot. I was about 25 when I told myself, I'm tired of the way I'm living. I'm not happy. I want to start all over, be happy, successful etc...I started thinking of the way I wanted my life to be. I started thinking of what might make me happy. For me that was getting a degree, Having a job where I could make enough money to have what I needed and a job I liked, Having a few good friends that where positive, being able to spend quality time with my daughter and helping other people. I got tired of being depressed and of being unhappy with my life. I started reading a lot, went to counseling, took anti depressants for a while, I started doing the things I liked to do, enrolled myself in school, got a decent job etc... disconnected my number, changed my email and moved awau to start new. I got rid of all the bad people in my life. People that put me down, that tried to use and manipulate me, that where doing bad things in their lives, that didn't support the good things I wanted to do. I'm so glad I did all of this. I can honestly say I am happy and at peace with myself finally. <br />
I don't really know the purpose of me writing the above. Maybe so you know that you are not alone. That I understand because I've been there. To show you that things could get better and you can be happy. Maybe you could learn something from my experiences...IDK.<br />
Your happiness should not rely on other people. Happiness starts withing you. You can't control what other people say or do. But you CAN control how you react and how you allow them to affect you. Those people calling you names and putting you down are not your friends. And the people that are leaving you and not there for you are not your friends either. A friend is there for better or worst and never puts you down. So get rid of those people and don't feel bad about not having them in your life. It's better to be alone than to have bad company. And just coz you alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. Take your alone time to focus on you. Stop focusing on what is not right in your life. Stop focusing on what you don't have. Focus better on what you will do differently to change your situation. And then do it. Make goals for yourself and accomplish those goals one at a time. Make a list of what's good in your life. What are you grateful for? Make another list of what you want in life. Visualize yourself having those things in your life. Then make a list and think of how you will achieve all of that. When you have negative thoughts...stop them! Replace it with something good. Force yourself out of bed and do something. Open your windows. Get involved doing the things you like. What do you like? cooking, dancing, art, playing instruments, reading etc? I kept myself so busy doing so many good things that I didn't have time to think about the negative. I also read somewhere once that if you are down, you should help other people and volunteer. That made me feel good and made me realize that whatever I was depressed about was petty in comparison to what other people where going though. It put things into perspective. Stop saying you are unlucky your not. Go to the library and go to the self help books area and read books on how to make your mind more powerful or read online blogs. <br />
Stop crying, stop allowing people to make you feel bad, get out of your bed and decide to be happy. Focus on how you will change your situation. Stop focusing on the bad. In time you'll find better friends...you can do this naturally if you get involved in doing the things you like. Go on and read the different stories of people that have survived suicide and of people that are positive and that have gone though similar experiences. *HUGS

Okay its good that you hold your peace but you have to realize you are not alone and that there is not just your guy you have with you consider a pet who will love you :)<br />
But most of all the Lord loves you and there's still a chance that you can come to him now while you are still living in your physical earth days :)<br />
Don't forget to take a chance and the same goes for me to grab the opportunity while its still here :)<br />
If you love on the Lord back sincerely with your whole soul than he will not ever forsake you so find it in yourself to be redeemed sincerely :)

iam so sensitive thats y i take all things serios..i never did anythng i help everyone...but people say iam wrong..?????/

People may say that you are wrong for helping others because they don't believe that the people you are helping actually deserve your kindness. That or they feel like they are helpless if they have someone helping them so the only way that they can feel like they don't need help us by insulting the one that was kind enough to help in the first place...which seems to be you.
But you without a doubt are doing nothing wrong.

i just be friendly to al...iam kiddish so guys like the way i talk and be friendly..but people on the other side..name me flirt....is this wrong?i do no what am i supposed to do..my mind is frustarated..cant enjoy my life

Alright it is obvious that you are depressed, but hearing you say that the things others says hurts you...that hurts me, you see you are different from them in many ways. Everyone is different but most people choose to "fit in" and insult/mock those that express their individuality.<br />
<br />
My point is, don't let others hurt you by insulting you, embrase your difference and feel sorry for those that try so hard to just fit in.<br />
<br />
Oh and of course those friends that left you: only true friends stick by their friends though heaven and hell, if your friends leave you then they are not your real friends. Find people that love you for who you are. Finally...by telling your beloved one how you are feeling will ultimately help you, he would not want to see you suffer and would do everything in his power to help you overcome these feelings.<br />
Trust those that you love and who love you right back, and message me if you need anymore...anything.

friends scould me by bad words..like..b**ch..iam crying to core...i have a quality of just helping all...never hurt people even if they does..what am i suppose to do..now a days people beleive rumors not true friends...so i wont for sure get any friends....

Then they are not your friends then if they say things to make you feel sad and heartache and degraded like that and things that will provoke you in anyway

what am i supposed to do..my best friends..also left me...i feel like iam in dark...i cant even smile..enjoy...my semseter exams are nearing cant even concentrate...iam left all alone..

hey don't worry ..i wish u will get other friends not like before..try to concentrate on ur study nd future..be happy..Every life must change to either good/bad at some time....

plz all be with me....i need friends to be happy.....my life is so alone,,,,,,i suffer in my classroom with no friends..everyone enjoy except me..no friends..hutrs me alot...my guy always encourages me plz all be with m e iam very depressed

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