Afraid To Talk To People No Friends I Dont Want Friends, But I'm Depressed.

It starts off like a Nightmare, My whole life the past four years, has been The most Incredibly hard on me mentally, I' have a boyfriend, That I've been with for Four years, But the thing is, He's not the problem, I isolated myself before I met him, I never really had friends ever in my life time, I love him, and he's my best friend. He's the Only person who I don't feel judged in a negative way, He's the only person I feel comfortable being around, except he treats me very, ... Undescribably saddeningly horrible. I've had two Abortions from him because he's cheated and Left me when I was pregnant, when he found out I aborted both times, he came back, and I'm still with him. I can't stand it anymore.. He always hangs out with his friends, and I know that's something I shouldn't be mad about but all my life I've never had any friends, so why can't he be like me? uncorrupted, untainted with a shallow mind. I think to much, because I sit in my room all day, I'm a beautiful Caucasian I'm Physically fit 98 lbs and 5'4 I have pink purple and blue hair! Everyone always tells me They love my hair, and I Am so nervous in public I dont go out in public often, I stay at home because I dont want to be noticed, I do my hair for myself and my boyfriends benefit, Not for everyone elses. I thank people for compliments but I dont know how to respond without sounding bitter and mean. I want to be nice but my genuinity doesn't seem legit because I do not know how to socialize because I Dont at all except for with One boy, all I know is how to talk to him, and react to him. And Another reason I dye my hair is because If I am in public, and someone looks at me, They can look at me with a negative opinion, But They still have to think about How, I was uniquely different. I have a mind that works so oddly, I've thought so much about Everything. All of it.

And now that I look back and read what I've wrote.. It doesn't seem to bad. Maybe writing about what I feels happened, and reading it.. will help. Maybe it will. I will always forgive him and love him. And I'm happy alone. This is me, I am alone and It is what I need.
MichelleLovesJoey0 MichelleLovesJoey0
1 Response May 14, 2012

Dont forget to smile.