Spending Days Alone

I am lonely these days. I have friends, but weekend friends- friends to party and get wasted with. I drive a little longer these days, take the scenic route. I am an observer of the world. I have fallen a bit into routine, try and break out of it but not much else to do by yourself. I'm passed the phase where I'm feeling sorry for myself. I have an extensive music library soundtracking my long drives and walks. I eat out to see everyone else.. I sit and write, buy movies and shows to keep myself occupied for a few hours. Some days I don't even say a word. I live in my own head and I wish there was something more out there. This can't be my life.. least not forever.
Days spent alone, walking through the woods talking to myself. I am not happy anymore, I wish I knew what was wrong. Wish I wasn't so introverted sometimes, wish I lived among friends. Maybe I'm depressed, but mostly I'm lonely. I wish I could share my insights and hobbies with someone else.
The world is beautiful, and it spins with opportunity. I haven't had the opportunity present itself where I can free the internal matters here. I'm a waiter, I have met so many different people; all of them interesting. They see the happy personable waiter before them, and they have not the slightest that he is lonely, alone. I am alone, I have been for some time. I walk and dream and speak by myself. Living my days alone. Spending these days alone.
Put on my headphones and just walk..
bangeraangschwarb bangeraangschwarb
4 Responses May 19, 2012

I feel the exact same way. More than anything I want someone to share day to day life experiences with. Sometimes I drive around at night just to feel like one of the living. It feels like life is just passing me by while others around me are busy living it. Like a waiting game for me almost.

i equip myself with manythings so that i wouldnt feel empty but sometimes loneliness breaks everything i have equiped with

scenic routes sounds good

i may know what you feel. it's really hard to be lonely and depressed from inside and people around you see another cheerful and happy man just because you can't show them that side of yourself.