Confuse About Myself

I dont Know where it starts, when i was young my Father died because of cancer. So my mom asked my aunt to take care of me, because she prepared for my dad's funeral. I have a cousin, We are really close. I have si many friends, but i Only trust him. I became dependent on him. I think i had my personality back then because of him. Maybe i have my personality non because of him too, i think i followed his personality too. I mean We were really close, even when i went back to my mom, i Still Played With him all the time. I go everywhere he goes. Many years later, he moved to another country. I was so sad. I Cried a Lot. Since then i became a Quiet person, i felt alone, different, it felt like my half body had gone. I think my personality also changed too. Now, We are a teenagers, i had no interested in relationship, but i think i'm selfish, i dont like him had a girlfriend, i want him to help me all the time as a sister, We Still catch up together, With BBM, chatting,Etc. I don't like him as a man, but as my brother. I think i'm alone because he's not here, even now i Only have a few friends. I mean there's something wrong with me. But i don't Know what. Someone help me please
Tbenji Tbenji
18-21, F
1 Response May 19, 2012

There is nothing wrong with you. You lost your father and your cousin was able to fill the void. You are so lucky to have had someone like him in such a time of need and it sounds like he did a great job in making you feel whole. Now that he is far away, the void has return. It's ok to feel the way you do but also realize it is time to move forward. It is not always necessary to rely on just one person for emotional support. Do keep talking to him but allow yourself to have friends. You would be surprised at how spending time with friends and making new friends will improve how you feel.

Yeah, i Know. This is the problem. I don't have a Courage to speak With some people, i Wanted to, but everytime i tried to speak With someone, I felt like I don't Know what should I Talked about, speechless.

I find the easiest way to break the ice is to just say hi and compliment them on something you like about them. It can be their hairstyle or color, fashion sense or common interest. Ask them questions and most importantly - listen. You may not hit it off with everyone you speak to but you will find people who are ready for new friends. Coming out of our shell is difficult but like anything else, the more you do it, the easier it gets.