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Experiencing A Low

The trouble with fighting depression is dealing with those sudden downturns. Today was ok but I got taken by surprise. I have my daughter this weekend and was taking her out to get a new toy (she has so few at my apartment). I was feeling good but tired from being at work most of the day. We pulled out of the parking space but immediately had to stop as a lesbian couple walking their dogs crossed the parking lot. They were walking side by side with their arms around each other's waist and my heart sunk.

It didn't bother me that it was a lesbian couple but just the fact they were close to each other. I thought how unfair it was that I have been denied that kind of attention for so long. It was unfair because of all the obstacles men face when it comes to meeting women and dating. That is not to say women have it made but they do have more control. I hate that I have to compete with sleaze bags and losers who abuse a woman's trust for a roll in the sack. It just makes it even harder for me to find a date.

Yes, I felt and still feel jealous. They found what they wanted and needed in each other while I remain alone. I know that there is someone out there for me and chances are I will find her when I least expect it. It's just that knowledge and hope are little comfort when I crave just being able to hold a woman's hand or hold her in my arms. I just feel so tired.
Greywulf Greywulf 41-45, M May 19, 2012

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