Even I Have Friends Around Me, I M Still Lonely.

You're probably too intelligent for your own good, knowing that, logically, people can be untrustworthy and selfish, and you probably consider this more than you realize. Doesn't mean all your friends are selfish and untrustworthy, or that you deliberately see them as such, but your latent thoughts have you prepaired for the worst--so you emotionally distance yourself. A functioning neurotic, in other words... Still sane, still normal, but harboring paranoia and fears, both conscious and repressed. Most of the time, you enjoy people, but maybe a smaller, darker part of you hates them a little for the selfish ways they've acted against you.



Sorry if it seems like I'm going all Fruedian on you. God knows I'm no psychologist. It's just what came to mind.



Anyway...advice...well... Onwayout seems like a very friendly sorta person, and his/her fairytale advice is valid, but I don't think it's sound. He/she is right to say your problem isn't your friends, but he/she is incorrect about what you need. You don't need another person to complete you. If you're a social individual, yet still lonely, chances are the one person you finally meet who you aquire a connection with is going to wind up being an unhealthy attatchment for you. You need to work on your lack of trust and tear down some of those walls of yours and learn to accept people more entirely. You can't just hold out and wait for the right person to "complete" you and expect to drop all your emotion-eggs into one basket. Then what happens when that person breaks your heart? Then you're back where you started, only worse.

You just haven't met the right kind of friends yet. And your feeling of loneliness when your friends have left, have nothing to do with your friends, but a need inside of you that hasn't been filled yet. Of course, the right kinds of friends can enhance your life, but friends or not, cannot fill an empty void that is inside yourself. It's true, you can be surrounded by friends, and still feel so very alone. It's not difficult to find true people who will care about you, you have to go to places where sincere people might hang out. You might be so 'hungry' for friendship that you appear over-eager and that might scare some people away. Better to become your own friend, first and know that you are worth knowing and having people stick around you instead of just hanging out and not forming any real attachments. You seem like a nice person, sensitive and caring. The right friends will be worth sharing that with.