I Am Depressed Because I'm Lonely
When I was little we moved from the big city to a rural backwater. It scared me, everyone was white and I thought they were all ghosts. I'd never seen so many white people before, not without there being som colour to break it up. I was from a multi-cultural world of the big city and this was white Christian. It scared me and so I didn't talk to anyone for six months! Eventually I made friends with two girls, but not before I had been singled out. I was shy, quiet, different and not related to anyone there in any way! I was instantly bullied.
I had medical problems and that made things even worse. So then I stood up for myself and the deal was done. I was not only prime target, but since I could fight back I was the challenge. "I dare you to hit her" and other such things. School became hell for me and when we moved to highschool I was seperated from my friends. I did find a classmate to hang around with, but I never had a real friendship for all those five years. No one came to my house, I never went to theirs and only in the final year of school did I ever meet anyone outside of school
Then we went to college and I lost touch with them as we all went to different ones. But I didn't care. I finally had friends! A fair few of them too. I was rarely at home and I loved it! And even on the days were I wasn't with my friends I was an adult and my family started treating me as an equal. I visited them often, especially my gramma. But towards the end of college my bf and I split on nice terms! But...the social circle we were both a part of shattered as people decided to take sides and turn it into a fight that we didn't understand. We both lost our friends that month and even though they eventually appologized I didn't trust them and finished college with only one friend left intact.But I still had family!
My friend suffered a breakdown and stopped seeing me, which I understood and gave her space. I assumed it would only be for a couple of months, but it wasn't. I still had family! My gramma died, I still had my dad...
I started seeing my now fiancé and spending so much time with him. I was either at his house or he was at mine. We got engaged and he started looking for a better job. He found one in the next county so we moved. My dad worked in that county anyway so I would still see him, just not as much as when I lived at the top of the road.
Well My fiancé started on 9-5 and everything was perfect, but...then he got changed to shifts. I never see him anymore. And when I do see him, he's always so tired. He rarely wants to do anything but sit in front of the blasted tv (I am not a tv fan) and that means we don't talk, we just vegetate, or I go and do my own thing to stave off the coma.
We've been here two years. I haven't made a single friend. I miss my fiancé. He says he's quitting after the wedding when he can afford to take a pay cut if it means getting a different job.I barely see my family. I sit alone in the house with my dog and my mouse and wait. I'm so lonely. I'm a housewife, I don't work. I've applied as a volunteer...not heard back yet. I'm paying for a wedding, I can't afford to go to any clubs. Why do I even get out of bed? Why do I get dressed? No one sees me. I'm invisible. I'm so empty...
I had medical problems and that made things even worse. So then I stood up for myself and the deal was done. I was not only prime target, but since I could fight back I was the challenge. "I dare you to hit her" and other such things. School became hell for me and when we moved to highschool I was seperated from my friends. I did find a classmate to hang around with, but I never had a real friendship for all those five years. No one came to my house, I never went to theirs and only in the final year of school did I ever meet anyone outside of school
Then we went to college and I lost touch with them as we all went to different ones. But I didn't care. I finally had friends! A fair few of them too. I was rarely at home and I loved it! And even on the days were I wasn't with my friends I was an adult and my family started treating me as an equal. I visited them often, especially my gramma. But towards the end of college my bf and I split on nice terms! But...the social circle we were both a part of shattered as people decided to take sides and turn it into a fight that we didn't understand. We both lost our friends that month and even though they eventually appologized I didn't trust them and finished college with only one friend left intact.But I still had family!
My friend suffered a breakdown and stopped seeing me, which I understood and gave her space. I assumed it would only be for a couple of months, but it wasn't. I still had family! My gramma died, I still had my dad...
I started seeing my now fiancé and spending so much time with him. I was either at his house or he was at mine. We got engaged and he started looking for a better job. He found one in the next county so we moved. My dad worked in that county anyway so I would still see him, just not as much as when I lived at the top of the road.
Well My fiancé started on 9-5 and everything was perfect, but...then he got changed to shifts. I never see him anymore. And when I do see him, he's always so tired. He rarely wants to do anything but sit in front of the blasted tv (I am not a tv fan) and that means we don't talk, we just vegetate, or I go and do my own thing to stave off the coma.
We've been here two years. I haven't made a single friend. I miss my fiancé. He says he's quitting after the wedding when he can afford to take a pay cut if it means getting a different job.I barely see my family. I sit alone in the house with my dog and my mouse and wait. I'm so lonely. I'm a housewife, I don't work. I've applied as a volunteer...not heard back yet. I'm paying for a wedding, I can't afford to go to any clubs. Why do I even get out of bed? Why do I get dressed? No one sees me. I'm invisible. I'm so empty...
By:
AmoAngelus
Age:
22-25
,
Female
