Lost Quod Devia

I'm a 15 yr old Male teen that's a sophomore in high school, For the last year or so I’ve been on "borderline depression" (for I’ve taken a few quizzes to find this out) I’m a little overweight but I’m working on that and I’m tired of feeling down and lonely. During my freshman year I met a girl through my youth group we quickly became friends but after awhile I stopped going to this youth group because I just got bored I guess. Sure enough 6 months later I’m texting my crush and this girl are at her house having a sleepover so we end up realizing that we had already met each other but we forgot about each other. Sure enough we start talking CONSTANTLY and I quickly fall in love. I still love her but at the same time I can’t bear to be around her here’s why: one night were talking and I’m literally about to ask this girl out the next day (now mind you she told me she loved me two nights before) and that night she decides to tell me that she only likes me as a friend. I died a little that night. We stop talking right up until about 4 months ago and a mission trip is coming up and she happens to be going to it as well. So we start talking again and once again start talking non-stop. During the mission trip here was our schedule: I wake up take a shower brush my teeth etc. then I head back inside and there she is waiting for me, I go get us some breakfast we'd eat then talk some more then we'd go work until lunch once again were together. We were inseparable. Then her best friend pulls me aside and shares some news that I was not aware of. A: she liked me A LOT B: while I was gone and hadn’t talked to her three different men had said they’d loved her then had sex with her and ditched her leaving her to wonder what had happened. I’ve never been so angry in my life. I wanted to be the best I could be for this girl and I had no clue this had happened. I was sad, I was angry; I was a mixture of emotions I’ve never felt before in my entire life. so we end up going to a theme park for the last day of our trip a pat on the back for helping people in need. this girl I’m in love with suddenly starts hitting on my bestfreind and he tells me that on the bus ride back she kept saying stuff like "if you want to date me I’m ready to go all out"" and just similar stuff fortunately he knew I was in mad love with this woman and said no. now I can’t bear to be around her because I know I’ve been played. The time I would spend with her was the best moments of my life. I’m lost and lonely this entire incident has made me wonder who my real friends are and who I am. I wonder if I will ever be able to have that sense of love but have it be REAL and to be loved back. and every time o go to a friend to try and explain they always say "just let it go" but how easy is that really? I thought I have but every now and again I get punched in the face with a wave of nostalgia from my time I’ve spent with her.
ske7ch234 ske7ch234
1 Response Sep 10, 2012

i should mention this happned awhile ago and all i want is a relationship that i can love my partner and have her love me without having to worry about her going off with some random guy. but apperently thats hard to find in highschool. especially when your an "alright looking guy"