What To Do?

What do i do? I m lost with no where' s to go. I feel all alone with no one to talk to. I meet alot of guys but none of them is what i want. I've been single for almost 2 yrs and I c that my ex has a new girlfriend living with him. I have to c and talk to him cause he has two of our kids and i got the other two. I miss someone hugging me all nite and be able to cry to. I just want to stay at home with all lights off and blinds close and just take alot of sleeping pills and never wake up. I worry to much and cant stop. Im stressed over the fact that i can not get anything for any of my kids cause i bearly can pay my bills. My ex wont help cause he says that he has to take care of the ones he gots and his new girlfriend. I try not to let my kids see how depressed i am but they can see it. I am so lost i dont know which way to go. I know most likely my ex would get back with me if i really sat down with him but i don' t know if that is what I want. I know he has not changed his ways and most likely gotten even worse then what he was cause of what all I did to him. I know I was in the wrong and I do feel bad at all the hell I put him through but I never got to be alone cause i got with him when I was only 16 years old and he was 28. I left him when I was 30years old. I dont know if i feel the way I do cause I am so use to him being there with me for everything I went through. But the whole time we were together all I ever heard for him is that we would never make it and that I am just like all his past girlfriends and all women r the same way "hoes". I feel that I am ugly and no one wants me. I find alot of men out there that just want to have sex but that is not what I want. I want someone that is there when I need him due to sadness, lonely, and just to have someone for all the happy times. I cant seem to find any one out there like that so maybe that is why I want to get back with my ex cause I already know what to expect from him. I know what he is about but do I really what to get back with a guy that does not want to work and only sell. Do I really want to fight every day again? I am I just so ugly that I cant find someone that I can care for and that turely cares for me. I just need to go find somewheres to cry and scream where no one can hear me. R just take the sleeping pills and never wake up maybe this weekend when I take kids to their fathers house cause it is his weekend for all of them. ?????????????????????????????????????????
Depressednlonely314 Depressednlonely314
31-35, F
Nov 28, 2012