It's Not My Fault

It's like everywhere I go, or everything I do just causes trouble. I am simply prone to it. No one wants to befriend me because there all scared they might end up in trouble just like I always am. I don't do it on purpose but somehow it just happens. I am confident, outspoken and I'm not afraid to say what is on my mind. Although I put on a smile and walk with my head held high, inside, knowing that people hate you and can't tolerate to be with you, it's pretty hurtful. I am lonely, I cry myself to sleep most nights, try to distract my self all day so I don't notice that I'm all alone.....it's depressing and tiring being alone. I hate it and sometimes I feel like I want to just end my life, when I was younger I tried more than I can count, but now I can cope better and try to stop such thoughts. I used to cut myself, but my parents started noticing so I had to stop. I just need a friend to help me through the hard days and the dark nights when crying is my only comfort.
NickoPop92 NickoPop92
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 5, 2012

they are a bunch of fools for looking at you as a trouble maker instead of a friend, ignore them, they don't deserve you, just try to be friend with the ones you notice that they don't judge you, believe me they will arrive.

and please take that self-destructive ideas out of your mind, your life is beatiful and will be apreciated by someone one day.

im the same. im deeply depressed, ive been forever, im almost 18, and i used to cut and got started again couple months ago. i dont have someone, so what helps me is to imagine someone i admire, love, or like who is there with me caring.
i have awful relations with my parents, and everyone, so i tend to love actors or actresses that show a very kind loving heart in shows and movies. i been pretending that lauren graham is my mom. ik its weird, but im so deeply depressed it just helps me to imagine someone cares. ive seen lauren as mother in gilmore girls and now parenthood, and i just wish i had mother like that, one that would accept me and help me and fight for me. id try imagining someone like that, someone that will comfort you in your dreams, tell you your special, and ask you why your feeling this or that. it kind of helps me to appreciate myself better because it is me talking to myself.