What Am I Supposed To Do

I don't have people I can really talk to. My closest friends live out of state, and then I come in here, hoping to find people like me, and then I just end up getting attached to them and they go away like most people do. I hate getting attached to people yet I still do it. I'm just setting myself up and I know it, but I can't stop. I want to be able to feel connected to people because I know I don't with people around here. I want someone to understand me. I want it to stop hurting so much. I don't know what to do. I hate the way things are. The closest people are the farthest away. I want physical contact so bad. I want to stop crying all the time. I want to be happy, yet I never feel any motivation. I take Prozac and I keep getting the dosage upped. I don't know what to do with myself, I wish someone else knew what to do. I wish I wasn't so self destructive. I wish I would get a ****** break for once.
lovemarilyn lovemarilyn
18-21, F
3 Responses Dec 27, 2012

I really feel for you, because I hear so much of myself in your words. It sounds corny, but I wish I could give you a big hug.
Being depressed is hard, and sometimes even the victories in the day feel like they take so much energy. And even after all my years of dealing with it, there are some days where I feel like it's about to drag me down, but then there are moments where I really have to recognize what's amazing in my life, and how I can give it value. I try to remember that:
- There are people out there like me, who care about the world, and try their best to make it better, even if only in some small way
- There are people out there like you, and maybe my experience can help them through the tough times, so that even my own pain might have some benefit for someone.
- There really are amazing things to be seen, heard and experienced in this world. These moments may not arrive as often as I'd like, but I have to pay attention to make sure I don't miss them.
- Life itself is pretty miraculous, even more so if you don't believe in God. How many trillions and trillions of things has to happen in just a certain way for you to exist as you in this time and place?

Thanks:) that does help. I really appreciate it

It doesn’t get any better. It keeps getting worse. I was on the verge of crying on the way home today. Then a cop pulls me over.
Life is survival. You compromise endlessly to get through it. What you are suppose to do is live miserably, while taking the small positives in your life as a way to 'feel' happy. Its a mental exercise in self benefit. Start small. Tell your self you are happy, because this juice drink is just so damn tasty, or that object is a very nice color, et cetera. This trick works as long as you don't dwell on it. Feel the positive, then move on. If only. For just a moment. Out of a day.


Hey Love.

I know how you feel. I'm not on Prozac or anything... To be honest, your problems sound like a bad case of my problems. Still, I can relate.
I don't really know what else to say, so I'll just say this: You are not alone. It will get better.


I appreciate that, thanks:)