Outcast

i supose it started in the third grade. I was having a difficut time in class so my parnet took me for all different types of test. I was taken out of regular classes and put into special education, even though my difficulties were coming from an eye problem later discovered. I was lable a misfit and made into an outcast. very few kids talked to me and fewer were actually my friends. This followed me through high school. Once I was old enough to speak on my own behalf I then took over the fight to get back into regular classes; however I was much futher behide in my acdemics then the rest of my class.

Im akward and have an odd sense of humor that only my brother and a select few get. If you met me on the street you would have no idea what actually lies in my soul. im "happy on the outside" and i try to be plesant, living a care free life. but that is not the case. I am completely miserable. I have zero friends, and i have only been in one relationship (which end with him cheating on me). i have so much love to give, im a really good person. i just dont understand why i cant seems to build friendships or find someone to love and they will love me back.

you might well yeah, if your not comortable with the people you grew up with then look to a new group. ok well, i have now lived in three different states and it alway is the same way. im great at work, but after those eight hours are over then it is sorry do i know you. most night that i end up thinking about this i cry my self to sleep.

can someone please help me?!?! I only want to share and love. any advice or just knowing that im not the only one would be a blessing

thank you for reading this

all my love
lostintennessee lostintennessee
26-30
1 Response Jan 8, 2013

You know, navigating this social construct seems way too difficult to me. I can't talk to people. For me, initiating a conversation is the toughest thing to do, unless its on a computer screen :P
I am so afraid and shy of talking to people that I try and do everything I can on my own, just so that I don't have to ask anyone for help. But, I do realize that I have to talk to people. I need information that I am not gonna get without talking to people. How do I get around it?

I played to my strengths. First I had to find what it was. Turns out I can code fairly well. So, I started coding. When you get good at something, others will reach out to you. Which is what happened. Those people who are not shy to talk, like to initiate conversation, usually, by talking about something else, before they ask what they really wanted to ask. In most cases it was stuff I don't need, but sometimes a precious gem would come along. Sometimes I heard of something which helped a friend of mine and got him a job. From there things started moving. I connect people now. I still can't talk to them. But they need me, so they talk to me.

You gotta play to your strengths. When I was 16-17, the entire class hated me. I still don't know why, but they didn't.
Life is a sinusoidal wave. You go through the ups and downs. But the downs won't become the ups until you work even harder when you are down.
Keep fighting. Keep in touch.