Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Will Things Ever Change?

When I look in the mirror I see a beautiful, attractive young woman that possesses the qualities that most men say that they want, but yet I'm single. Most of my experiences with men have been dysfunctional, from the time I was fourteen years old. I have given in relationships and really have nothing to show for them. I've been humiliated, emotionally and verbally abused and simply used.

I've never had a functional relationship with a man where when it was all over I felt he really cared about me. I'm twenty six year old, and I think what makes things so difficult for me is it seems everyone around me, people at work people I went to school with all have the life that I want so bad to have. I feel as if I'm in some sort of rut. Maybe it's the pressures that doesn't make it any better or seeing another old friend getting married and having a child when I can't even have a healthy relationship with someone. 

When I was a kid, I thought things would be totally different by this time now. I thought I would be married with a few kids and just taking care of my family. I have a great career and received an promotion, but when you don't have anyone to call your own to share it with it's hard. It's hard coming home to an empty house every night and having no one to come home to you. I just don't know what I've done wrong in my past, maybe I tried too hard or I wanted too much. I'm tired of seeing everyone live my dream. Yeah, I have this great career, but at the end of the day it's not really what I wanted. I work because I have bills to pay, but what I want is a family to take care of. I go from one disappointing relationship to the next to the next to the next. I'm finding the older that I get, the less strength I have. I use to be able to play hard to get, but I find myself becoming desperate and wanting men I know I would never be happy with just for the sake of not being alone and because I feel I may never find what I want or deserve.

I hate the fact that I'm becoming this woman. I go church, and I know that God loves me, but sometimes I wonder why so many around me are living MY dream and I'm not it's just funny to me. I've attempted suicide three times in 12 years and I'm still here. Sometimes I tell myself God must really have something grand for me for me to have done somethings that could have killed me and I survived. Then I think 12 years later and nothing has really changed, I'm still miserable and depressed and singing the same songs I've been singing for so long, why did he keep me around for this. Sometimes I wonder is some of us are just not meant to be happy here, sometimes I wonder if some of us are just meant to be alone. I became so low and myself esteem which was once so high is now shattered. I began to date a man that had a live in girlfriend and a child. I told myself that it was OK because he wasn't happy and she didn't treat him right and he was going to leave her. I told myself after all the pain and hurt that you have been through you deserve to have a man. Stop thinking about her think about yourself, if you live him alone you're going to have no one. I told myself I deserve to have a man that could make me happy. She was already pregnant by the time we got together so we found out about it after we were together. I was still so low that it was hard to live and months and months went by I still couldn't live him. The old me would have never started any of that.  I became selfish and lost of hope. Like I said the old me would have never stooped this low. It's like the longer I'm alone the worse it feels and the worst that it gets because I feel maybe things will never change. I say to God and I say to myself. Aren't I not human? I don't deserve love and companionship like everyone else? Am I some type of animal? Why can't I feel loved just like everyone else? I was diagnosed with depression when I was in college. I think the most disappointing thing is when you expect something good to happen or you get your hopes up just to be let down. I just don't know. I'm tired, I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of seeing everyone living MY dream, I'm tired of getting my hopes up just to be let down and I'm tired of losing who I am just to stop the pain. I worry that ten years from now I will be saying the same thing twenty, thirty maybe even forty years from now. I see women like that, 45 years old sad, alone and literally miserable never married that can honestly be me and the way things are looking now I see that as being more of a reality than having a family of my own.

I just want things to change, I don't to become more of a selfish person, who is weak and losing hope of ever having what she wants. I'm tired of crying all the time. I just don't understand why.

jesusknows jesusknows 26-30 110 Responses Aug 9, 2008

Your Response

Cancel

i love you, and I'm just like you. You are not alone. I know that hearing that doesn't matter but it's true. God wants you to focus on what you have to offer. Not just the love for another but the love for the world. I'm in a very similar rut myself and almost every day I think of my deepest past love and I'm just sad about not having that and not having the life I want but the truth is I think I may never have the life I want until I light the world up with all that I have to offer. Being consumed by it In the process. If I'm not being consumed by something, utterly used up by someone or something else im miserable and want to die. I've never committed suicide but boy is the thought of how much easier it would be if it was all over on my mind a lot. We can do this, I know there are gifts being discovered and the world was never set up for us to light it up but that's what we're here to do. You are not alone I'm right here by your side

I'm 31 and male. I have no friends. I haven't a friend in 5 years. I haven't been on a date in over 4 years. I'm angry about it and I blame myself. Sometimes my body just aches for human contact. I must be socially retarded because no matter how good the thing is that I do nobody seems to care.

Starting last September I cared for my mom's boyfriends aunt. She was 98. They said she had a couple weeks when she moved home. She died in December and had some really wonderful times. There was an old picture from the 1920s of a beach. Some years later she built a home near that beach but her age kept her from visiting in more than a decade. I took her there again so she could watch the birds and ships pass by. It was windy and we didn't stay long, but she smiled wide and curiously at the familiar site.

I try to convince myself that this counts, and that people will see that I'm a good person. Nobody does. My fear is that nothing will improve, but my experience has been that things are gradually getting worse. I feel less understood, less accepted, and eventually less willing to try again.

Consequently, I'm not a hopeful person. I'd probably be dead if I didn't already know how horrible suicide is for family. I feel exhausting to others; so far down a dark road that anyone who tries to guide me out turns back before they too get lost.

I'm afraid, and deeply alone.

Wow. That is deep. I know how you feel though... You write so well. I could feel your words brushing across my soul; each individual letter, small fibers weaving their way into my heart. I too am deeply alone. I could feel your use of imagery.

My name is Richard Yates iam 45yes45iam very very very lonely I just want to marry a good loveing kind and honest woman I have believe it or not ever had a girlfriend iam getting older and iam very very scared one day when iam 60 or70 wake up one day and say god why iam not married or even have a girlfriend iam also very very very depressed that iam not married or even have a girlfriend I hate hate being single all I want in this world is to be married to a good kind loveing honest fun woman iam 45years old and I feel luke100 years old because iam not married if things don't change I will die sooner I have been praying to god Almighty for 24yeaars and I have talked to Manny Manny girls but they are already have a boyfriend or are already married and it makes me even more depressed to be in public to see a couple holding hands and I say to myself will I ever have a wife iam very very very very lonely and very very very very very heartbroken and iam afread iam going to die a lonely old man . also people keep telling me I will be married but it has never happend iam getting old I will be 46 on September 6th2015 I was born on September 6th1969 so I know how you are feeling my name is Richard Yates my email address is startrek2089 @gmail email me if you want to talk god bless you

I wish there would be some "solitaire's club". It is so so hard to "find hobby and join club and find friends". All lonely people have a hobby or too, but it's usually something you can do on your own, well because you are lonely and learned how to live on your own. So essentially you don't need others to practice your hobby. If you want to go and try some thing which require others you can not. Well you can, but you won't survive five minutes. Walk in to well established tight friend community and announcing: "here I am, I dont know much about it, I need you to tech me and help me, who will be my sparingpartner, I wanna join you". Even if you survive the initial humiliation you will never come back and will be gathering courage next few years to try it again.
The thing is, if you want to join some community you need to either know somebody in that community or have already some good friend with whom you can try to infiltrate with and laugh at the debacles with. Group of people will allways look weird at alone. Assessing what is wrong with the person that he/she couldn't find somebody to come with.
But subscribing to such club will give you a chance to announce: I want to "go to theater, sail in canoe on nearby river, learn how to sing", and allot somebody from the club who would go with you. In exchange you will be required to go try somebody else's dream.
It's no reason why we should suffer from loneliness because our education, inteligence, origins, religion made an chasm between us and our family or close people which would be century ago our close community by default. Maybe God can't influence this things. It's society we humans created for ourselves and have to bear consequences.

I agree Zbrkla! Especially when you said ...... Walk in to well established tight-friend community and announcing: "here I am, I dont know much about it, I need you to tech me and help me, who will be my sparingpartner, I wanna join you"...... THIS IS SO TRUE! It seems like most EVERYONE has a well established group of friends, and if you want to join their group, most likely someone in that group will believe you are going to 'upset the balance', or basically freak out. It seems like it's all based on luck.

Thank you for sharing. I can completely relate to you. I am a guy, just turned 27 last August and I'm single most of the time. My friends always describe me as the "ideal guy" for girls, but apparently they are all wrong. I am good looking and have a great physique. I jog and swim regularly, and also hit the gym regularly. I have a masters degree and doing very well in my career. I'm living independently, and leased an apartment and have 2 cars (1 company, 1 personal). Oh, and I also play the guitar pretty well. While all these may sound impressive, I hate to admit that I never really have my luck with relationships.

It always goes like this, the girl would spend a lot of time with me, and really be into me during the first few months. But after this they eventually fall out of love or I don't know if they just get bored or something.

I love too much and too deeply that I'm always the one that ends up getting hurt. Also, once I fall in love with a girl, I tend to get clingy and want to spend a lot of time with her, at first they really want it, but after a few months they end up wanting someone else >.<

This is kind of driving me nuts. Am I doing something wrong? All I really want is a relationship where I can love and be loved. I want a life partner that I can go out with and come home to. I guess it's true what they say.. nice guys finish last.

stop doing the things your doing above ,and do fun things taking her out .you seem to be doing an overbearing love for her,l give her space to have her own friends.and hobby's,and you should have the same you can not have 24/7 love you are only 27 not 47 find hobby's you like .and stop being so clingy .

my story is simmiler. I am 31, straight and monogamous and can't seem to hold a relationship together for morethen a few munths. the longest relationship I had was in highschool and that was for 2 years. since then that was over 10 years ago though I have dun my shair of dating but I have not found my mrs. right. I thought I did a few munths back but then she whent a head and dumpt me. I kind of have the cards stacked not in my faver though since I am blind and don't have a job and live on disibillidey so I am not ritch and don't have a job or a car since I don't drive. so those are not attractive quollidies that most women look for. most women want a guy to take cair ofthem etc but I am looking for the oppsit a woman to take cair of me. I have not had any sex in over 11 years since I think that that comes along with a long term relationship. plus I am straight and monogamous and it seems like today most of the women are eather gay or bie or some other varrient of the 2. so it is hard to find a straight, monogamous woman who doesn't have kids or who is not married. I to want to get married and have kids but beaing that I am 31 it seems that is a distinte pipe dreem. since it doesn't seem to be going to happin any time soon. I meen un less my mrs. right is reading this of korce and wants to get in touch I really don't see my elf meeting my mrs. right since I have tried to go out of my way to meet people but sadley nothing seems to work.

I am a 27 year old male, and my story is very similar to yours. I have a really good career, I take care of myself, and believe to be a good looking person. When I was a sophomore in high school I dated a girl and we were together for 6 years she was constantly straying away from the relationship and finally ended up pregnant from another man and I ultimately ended the relationship. Since then I have dated but nothing has been serious. Being alone hasn't really bothered me at all up until just a few months ago, day after day I try and wrap my head around the idea of not having anybody and I just feel more and more depressed. I feel as if I have so much to offer, and so much love and support to give. I guess in the grand scheme of things I just don't feel whole, I feel as if there is a big part missing in my life.

I am 62 , I chased around looking for friends and a partner for decades, kept wondering what I was doing wrong that no one wanted me.

No happy ending, still alone. I am used to it now, still miserable but the pain is easy to cope with.

I don't get the god thing, have you considered studying some science, maybe you would meet more intelligent people.

Life may not get better but at least you wouldn't be wasting energy on nonsense.

Add a response...

I am 30 and I experience the same situation ... people tell me I am smart .. tall ..amazing features and look very hot .. my college married frnds are after me for extra marital affairs .... guy I met to marry on matrimonial websites .. says the same .. awesome person .. but no one is ready to get married to me .... they just do not respond to me .....

I am doing professionally really well... my frnds are living my dream of a loving husband .. kids and are being loved....
and here iam . ready to sacrifice everything forjust oen guy ... and I don't get that guy ... I fail to understand why do god do this to us ...

Add a response...

Hi lady, I've been single for over 4 years and I'm a single mother of a 4 year old boy. In this time I've realised a few things: 1. I had the relationships I had (bad ones like yours) because I was desperate for attention and to feel loved and hadn't learned to get the love I needed, from ME. I was looking everywhere outside of myself to feel validated. Yes. I could blame my upbringing but truth be told as an adult you decide who you want to be. If you don't feel right within yourself, pray, as it seems you are doing and if that isn't cutting it, seek help. If you are not happy being single and are settling for much less than what God has planned for you which is alot "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future...". 2. If you are still alive, knowing that God loves you, it is because there is still more (beauty) for you to experience. Get your mind right. Challenge the thoughts you have in your mind about yourself and your situation AND replace them with the TRUTH. 3. Do not wish for just any kind of companionship because that is not what you really want. You want to firstly, have a good relationship with YOURSELF and secondly have somebody who sees you that way too and encourages you in all the things that make you feel worthwhile and valuable which you are. But first, work on feeling worthwhile and valuable then there will be no way under the sun, any guy who doesn't do the same will last 5minutes and you also won't be attracted to them.

Lady, you are fantastic. It's just time for you to see that. Please do see that. It's the best thing you could ever do for yourself.

With love,
anonymous :-)

I am 47 years old and could not help but cry when I read your post. I have been divorced for over 20 years and have been in one terrible relationship after another. I have been told that I am very beautiful, intelligent, and have a great heart, but I am certain that God is punishing me by not providing me with a good mate. I have high standards, but it does not appear that those standards have gotten me anywhere. ALL of the men that I meet my age have a ton of baggage, are players, have nothing materially, lack intelligence, do not have a sense of humor, and are never interested in getting to the "core" of me. I do not have children and get upset when people have the nerve to ask, "What? You mean, you don't have kids?" This is such a sensitive thing to say because it fails to realize that some people have NEVER found someone that is worth having children with. The thought of being a single parent, whether married or not, scares the hell out of me. I have seen too many women be single parents in my family, and I know that it is VERY HARD. I wonder why God is punishing me. I mean, although I know that I totally have it together in my professional life, and am beautiful and intelligent, I can't help but wonder WHY God is tormenting me in this way. It is impossible for me to pray because when I even think about praying, I think that God is sneering at me....laughing at my pain. The older that I am getting, I have come to realize that God DOES in fact punish some of us. We just were NOT meant to "have it all." I am part of a religion that stipulates that I ONLY marry someone in my religion, but my education does not make me a "great catch." Most men in my religion look down on an educated woman because they feel she is TOO independent (won't be a godly wife) OR they are waiting to attach themselves to me just so they can take advantage of me financially. I do not feel that I can win for losing. I am damned if I am in a relationship, and damned if I'm not in one. I feel so alone and do not feel that there is ONE person on this earth that understands me. I thought that I could work things out with my ex-husband, but he is so emotionally damaged and unavailable (not to mention a weed-addict) who is divorced from his second wife and bitter as hell. I know that going back there would be a HUGE mistake. I wonder WHY does God punish me.....

find a hobby you like ,and you will find new friends .that like the same hobby's .and join a club doing your your hobby doing that will help you meet people as friends .you must be friends first.

The person just said that she can only marry someone from her church so I doubt that finding a hobby would help in this situation...

you will find with a hobby you have clubs that do that hobby .and you then find people in that club that like the same things ,so it starts from there .so then friends .

That's only if the people in that club belong to her religion..

before she can get to marry someone ,you have to get to know them .you marry them only for love .by her comments she is scaring off people ,do the friends first . not is i what to marry you . no wonder the guys are being scared off.

I am a 23 year old woman and, for the most part, I feel the same way you do. If you don't mind me asking, which religion/church do you belong to? I beong to a religion that's quite similar so I was suprised when I read your post because it's quite rare for me to come across a person with a similar religion to mine, these days.

3 More Responses

I'm 27..ill be 28... 2-28-14...I felt the same way...at 23. So I found this nice charming guy on the internet and girl let me tell u...he was to good to be true...we moved in together..I got pregnant... I thought I found my soul mate. Oneday I look through his phone and seen that he was talking to **** loads of woman..still on dating sites...still flirting with a few of his ex gf... my life is a f-ing nightmare... he's a scam artist. I love my son...and all I ever wanted was to find love... but I feel like I'm back where I started...again.

:(

My story is pretty much the same. i am 21 and i've never had a boyfriend. I don't want to come as a narcissist, but i am good looking, i go to the gym, i take care of myself, i have even had modeling jobs. But i've never had any kind of relationship. And i'm not very picky. But for some reason it is what it is. Sometimes i'm afraid i'm gonna become an old cat lady who has never married or had children. What i do is try to look the best i can, stay strong ( because the worse you feel inside, the less people are gonna want to be with you). well, i don't know... what i think is that if you are self confident, good-humoured and overall feeling good, people around you will automatically want to befriend you. it's hard to do so, but it's worth to try.

you need to take and use the same advise ,you give out. join a club on things you like to do .and find real friends .

Hi Roberteetea,

Haha ... 'I'm afraid I'm gonna become an old cat lady' ... don't we all! I feel the same as you ... I'm curious, what is your status now? Do you still feel the same?

It was a great comfort to read your story. I feel exactly the same. I'm nearly 30 and in the last 3 years have watched all my friends get married and settle down. Every man i have been with has let me down in one way or another and i feel i will never be enough for anyone.

I have so much to offer, i'm not a bad person and can't understand where i'm going wrong. I come home every night and cry myself to sleep, the only little bit of light i have is that there is someone special out there. I'm just so fed up of being let down.

I met a guy online almost a year ago and i know he isn't right for me, but like you I just don't want to be alone. I don't see him that often but when we do see each other we usually end up argueing. He doesn't like talking on the phone so i can't even call him when i feel lonely as i just feel like an annoyance to him. I just want someone to come home to and cuddle up with. I want to be able to make plans with someone, laugh with, someone to support me, but most of all i want to make someone happy, and feel like i have a point in life

These feelings started at uni, i would come back to my uni house and lock myself in my room. I just needed someone to be there for me but i had nobody.

I then started taking prescription painkillers to make me fall asleep. I stopped this when i moved back home after graduating but have now started to take them again.

I've never really had suicidal thoughts but i often think i'm totally useless.

I'm just fed up of feeling like this and want so much to be happy again

You have identified your problem yourself. You go from one dis appointing relationship to another, even though you know these men are not what you want because you don't want to be alone. You are also aware this makes you needy, and any man can pick up on this. It takes a lot of courage to finally decide that I respect myself too much to be with just anyone because I'm lonely, and face being alone. It's very painful to do, but no more painful than what you feel now, and you will have your self respect. Value yourself, and others will value you too. Decide what you want in a man, and don't settle for less.

I went through a horrible period in my twenties. I felt like you did, plus had a boy I was trying to raise on my own. Just stay strong and be brave, get out, make mistakes, go on dates. The more you try, the more you up your chances for success. Right now I am on the flip side. In a stable relationship minus the big job. Now I feel worthless and like dead weight. I am bored out of my mind and I feel like I lost my true value, which was being independent. Before I was alone and lost, now I am loved and still lost...So I guess I am trying to build on my relationship with myself right now, figure out how to love myself unconditionally and make myself happy...trust me! you can be with someone that loves you, and if you are not OK inside with yourself alone in a room, it wont make any difference. Hang in there, STAY POSITIVE, FAKE IT if you have to ...STAY BUSY. Do things that make you happy and DO NOT GIVE UP! We are all in the same game, just at different levels...

Hi ,reading this ,what u expressed i feel the same in many cases. I promise u that god has a fulfilling plan for u and not a bad one! Keep trying :)

I live your life. I have an amazing job, and all my friends want this job, but I'm just envious about their lufe. They go to their bf/ or husband after work. I go to an empty bed. I have no one to share the joy of my promotions, as i come home in my own. To make matters worse i also have very little friends since most date or we just lost touch. Im really tired. I would do everything to have a partner to be with. I sad, tired and getting to a point ot being just scared of dating as i dont know if they're genuine or just taking advantage.

that's my life, verbatim

I have just read your piece and identify with so many things u say. The only thing is I am 41, the sort of age u say u dread getting to and still being alone and feeling this way. Yes its worse as u lose all optimism as I know I'm not as attractive as used to be and no longer confident about my looks and body. I do have 2 sons, an 8 yr old and 4 yr old and don't feel id be here if wernt for having them.I'm single mum, their dad still sees them, hes also on his own, actually in much worse state to me as just lost his job and lives in a **** tip, at least i work p/t and have a clean, tidy house. I split up with kids dad when my eldest was a baby but slept with him still from time to time and got caught with my 2nd boy (which was last time I did & would be repulsed to do so now). I was only ever with kids dad as he kept comin back to me and neither ever met anyone else, realy can't say I ever loved him, just a case of him being better than nowt and don't regret one bit having both my sons though do regret that i didnt make more effort to try meet someone better and more suitable wen id more chance being loads younger. I'm still hoping to meet someone i can care about tho like I said any optimism I may have had wen younger has all but disapeared. I'm not old and sad looking, I dress fashionable and make effort with my appearence but havent any close friends so only talk with my young kids, family and workmates, no one to confide in or go out places with. Nothing to ever look forward to, just dread of getting older, illness and bereavement and kids growing up and leaving home. Absolutely awful, there has to be something better, I can't stand thinking about stuff and writing this as makes me want to scream and cry, but I'll just continue traipsing on cos iv no choice...and all I know how to do.

wat youve gotta understand is you gotta live like your never gunna have another chance to live. go out there make mistakes, visit other countries, try different foods. it may take you right back to the place you were in the first place but dont quit. i can say ive been in your shoes or traveled the world or even had a horrible life but i can say that we all only got one life and im sure the guy upstairs wants us all to do things he couldnt, skydiving, horseback riding, kiss a fish even any thing to make you feel alive. dont worry so much on the relationship stand cause wat ever presents its self at any particular time youll know and your heart will take you. i am about your age and im not no wise man but i can tell you once you honestly dont care about people and start caring about the world at large, everything WILL fall in place. i promise :)

yours truly
fixed life

You took the words right out of my mouth.

I understand I too have lost my self my way my light my spirit my glow my morals my dignity. This morning I have been thinking maybe its time to be selfish because I've given all I got I'm weak and I have been treated like I'm not human I have no family at all I'm lonely and tired hope never dies in the book of Matthew however maybe hope has her eyes closed find the strength ima give it all I got maybe even as if its my last shot. You're not alone

find hobby's and things you like to do, then join a club ,then you will find new friends.

I thought I was the only one that felt like that, thank you for sharing.

You've just told my story and the part that hurts the most, losing yourself. God be with you.

I have had a similar past...felt the world was open to me when I was younger...I traveled, went to school, had a future, felt alive, attractive, sexy, but then had failed relationships one after another...I blamed myself but in retrospect it was just that I was making bad choices in men...they told me who they were, but I didn't listen and was later hurt. I focused on my career and sort of shut off the emotional part of me that wanted more...now at 49 I regret that, but years ago when it all got to be too much, I finally forced myself to get counseling...I had made many many appointments over the years but never followed up...that time I forced myself to show up and had written down what I wanted to say because I didnt want to back out again, and to the surprise of the therapist, I read 4 pages with tears streaming down my face. The counselor (thank God) I chose by chance was very easy to relate to (reminded me of a good friend) and she recognized I was clincally depressed, which meant that no matter what I did therapy wise or otherwise, it wouldn't work without chemical correction in my brain, so she recommeded medication with the talk therapy. I felt ashamed and very resistant to that idea, but after talking with a close cousin, I found she had been through a similar thing...she recommeded I watch a movie called "What the Bleep Do We Know" which explained (in layman's terms) how the brain can work for & against you, and she told me she'd been on anti depressants for years...this was someone I trusted and thought had it "all together" I was blown away to realize that she felt the same isolation and depression I did! My regular, medical doctor put it this way "if you had a broken arm, would you just try to deal with it yourself, or would you go to a doctor to get it reset and get medication that would make you feel better?" I also talked to a few other friends and was surprised to find that many of them had been or were on anti depressants, and/or knew someone (or several people) who had or were taking them. So I took anti depressants and went to therapy for about 5 years and it "re-set" my brain and made things alot better, although now since I've been off them for 2 years, I can sort of feel the depression kicking back in and am going to my doctor next week to discuss. Sometimes its necessary to reach to professionals to help you get back on track. You sound like a young vibrant woman and I hope that you can reach out and find the proper help! Hang in there!!

Hey girl you've got a lot of pain. You should write down what is important to you in a man. For me it's strong faith, sense of humor, and self motivation. That way you will know exacly who you are looking for and you won't end up with awful guys. You should be able to find someone wonderful.
Also, if you are gonna live a faithful life, remember that Jesus taught us to take up our cross and follow him. Pain has a lot of value. Read the lives of the saints and their example will teach you a lot about life and the value of pain. Many lives are saved through the pain of the faithful.
I really do hope you find someone. It is not good to be alone. Good luck and God bless.

i hope find your dreamlife someday. u seam like a very good person

i hope find your dreamlife someday. u seam like a very good person

I really dont like this Jesus-stuff. If there is a god, he is most certainly evil or clumpsy or whatever else but all-good and all-powerful. Although, in a terrible world, for what its worth, i wish all of you the best. You have my best wishes.

And yes, im very lonely aswell, never even had a real relationship, and no, im not terribly unattractive.

I can say though that I dont agree with funkstuf that some of these guys here seem to be preying on women, i think u would find more such men everywhere else. The other way around, here u could prolly actually find a good man. Im not saying a councelor couldnt be a good idea, but funkstuf exaggerates the use of one..

Although, antidepressive medicine can be very effective to help u cope with and maybe even take u out of a depression, highly recommended. U would need to see a doctor for that.

Peace and gl guys

hmm, that kind of sounds like my life in away. i definitely feel those same feelings, like why is it never me, why cant there ever be an opportunity with someone i am really interested in. anytime there is even a slight chance, something has to ruin it,i cant figure it out. lets say im eating lunch right, and something bizzar happens like food spills all over me, this is the time when i will walk back to the office by an attractive girl when i have no chance. i could tell you countless times, something messes it up for me, and yes, i keep asking the same thing as you, is god punishing me for something. every single time i am attracted to a girl, she is in a relationship it is 100 percent. i dont know how many times i just couldnt wait to get home so i could burry my face in a pillow and ask god why this all happening to me. suppose it is a numbers game, and my number never seems to get called. all my friends are married or in relationships while i loner it out on weekeds. sometimes it feels like you just want someone to rescue you right.i dont want to be un sensative but i think myself and the rest of us need to change our thinking. everything in life is a result of how your mind operates, as you can see with myself, i tend to make excuses, and maybe i need to man up. i need to approach every single girl i am interested in regardless or rather its a bad hair day for myself or if she has a boyfriend, and maybe my luck will change. hey, when your rock bottom like i am, what exactly is there to lose. so i get denied by 10 women, i am basically going to come home and do the same thing i do every other night, beg for someone to answer my prayers and take me out of my misery :)

hi am valldo am som way . But I am man same. I trid to do the bast in live pleas evey one and be happy for ppl. I try to be nise,loveing, but no gril wants me . be happe u got frands,a job. am 20 years old i cant speall good, i talk to much, and my vose is anoying. Pleas be happy and keep posative one day u might a good man. i hop u add me by

I know how you feel. It's hard being lonely and it would be nice to have someone to come home to. On the other hand, you still have a lot of life left to live! You are still young and you still have time to find that special someone. I was recently engaged and we broke off our engagement. It has been really hard on me. Sometimes I feel like I made a huge mistake and I should have gotten married, but then I remind myself that I know I had doubts about going through with it. It's better to be single and lonely, than married and lonely - right?! Think about it. If you're married and lonely/depressed because you're unhappy in the relationship.... then you're REALLY stuck. Keep on praying and going to church. Matt 6:33 says "Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you as well." I know it's hard but Jesus has promised never to leave you or forsake you. He knows exactly what you need before you ask Him. The Father has promised that He will not give us a stone when we ask for bread. He gives good gifts to His children. And remember "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Maybe you are lonely in the moment, but "There is always the next moment." How about this.... and this is what i'm trying to do too... Channel your loneliness and depression and out of that REACH OUT to others... become a Big Sister to a child in need, or volunteer at a pregnancy crisis center.. there are others out there going through hard times too and when we reach out and encourage them, a funny thing happens... We ourselves become encouraged and blessed, and then comes true joy. Then maybe when you least expect it *BAM* that man will appear and GUESS WHAT? He will love you not because you sat around pining away and feeling sorry for yourself but because you were empowered by the Holy Spirit to go out and SERVE and bless others, and you rejoiced even despite suffering... learn from Christ, the Suffering Servant.... The LORD bless and encourage you and know that you have unimaginable value to the LORD.... God's thoughts for you are more numerous than the sand on the seashore... and you guessed it, as I typed this I was encourging myself too since I'm in the SAME boat as you... Blessings to you sister =) hang in there

You need to stop thinking negatively. This is where i am in my life right now. Its a bad cycle. Maybe youre exactly where you need ti be. Listen to your heart, the one you are waiting for will find you. :)

Oh, I wanted to suggest listening to some of BURT Harding on youtube. He helps me a lot when I'm feeling so unsure in this life. Maybe he'll help you too

Wow...thank you for being so open and truthful. I thought I was alone and then read this...cried some and now feel some relief. It's hard when you feel depressed and try to make yourself go out, but it helps! Smile awhile:) You brought peace to my spirit. Thank you

You are ashamed of your flood, while others are ashamed of their ebb. Success is not a measure of opinions, but a measure of your own happiness. And if you find it in the arms of that one special spirit who could not conceive of life without you in it, you will have achieved a rarity that most would sell souls to achieve. Years from now, If all we have to share is the effulgent energy of a sunset viewed form rocking chairs, as long as I hold your hand, I will feel fulfilled.

You sound like me when I was your age! Exactly! Except I didn't finish college and I didn't have a career and I couldn't support myself. You have that, and believe me, that is attractive to a potential partner. Things could be much worse. I have also suffered from depression since a child. I understand the yearning to have a partner and a family and the envy of others with your dream and feeling like, "What's wrong with me?" You think you're old and your time is running out? It's not; you're still young. Try not to dwell on it. I think having depression has a lot to do with being single and hating being single and the lowering of your self-esteem also contributes to being single. I am 50 now and I'm still single. I got married to someone that I didn't love when I was a little older than you b/c I gave up on finding someone really good. Needless to say we got divorced a couple of years later. I have been involved with some men, but for some reason or other it wasn't right and ended. I hate being alone too. I feel like I have a scarlett A or S on my forehead(alone and single), and I am ashamed of it. I feel like I must be unworthy and not good enough, b/c if I were, someone would want me. I could have a crappy relationship with someone just to be with someone, but I know I can't do that. I'd rather be alone. Here's a theory that I've come up with that comforts me: People that are happily partnered up are actually aliens and people like us are humans from this Earth. Totally different species! Anyway, you're not alone and hope this helps!

I smoke kush to keep my mind off things. It keeps me sane!

Hi<br />
I feel what you go thru but have you ever considered joining friends outside office? how often do you meddle with the other side, i used to have similar life style but i opened up and fell in love got married since 2000 and had a daughter 2004; and been married since then although i am now bored and need new love.<br />
Please dont give up on church God isvreal and Mr.right will come soon. cheers.

This is one of the most depressing pages i think i have read in a long time. Why any one thinks that life revolves around a relationship, i will never know? Most of the couples that people think are living the dream are actually living a nightmare of a marriage and are scared to leave as they haven't got the strength to be true to themselves, happy and independent. Suicide? Why? Okay, so you end your life and try and guess what happens, the world will carry on as it always has done, without you! So all the good times you would have had with your friends, family, work, you would have ended as well as the lonely times. From experience, to be lonely is just an emotion the same as being happy or sad. you cant be happy, sad or lonely for 24/7 so the times when you are not content,go watch a movie, read a book or do something you enjoy to keep your mind occupied. Depression is when the brain thinks to much negative things. i say, why not concentrate on what you do have and not what you dont! Have you ever been in the company of a negative or sad person or even lonely. For some reason, i want to get away from them and do not warm to them. So, concentrate on what you are about, who you are and what you have got going for you in life. All of us have amazing qualities but some times they get hidden behind depression, i say, screw depression and let the sun shine from within all of us and let the world know what stunning people we all are. Tx

This is one of the most depressing pages i think i have read in a long time. Why any one thinks that life revolves around a relationship, i will never know? Most of the couples that people think are living the dream are actually living a nightmare of a marriage and are scared to leave as they haven't got the strength to be true to themselves, happy and independent. Suicide? Why? Okay, so you end your life and try and guess what happens, the world will carry on as it always has done, without you! So all the good times you would have had with your friends, family, work, you would have ended as well as the lonely times. From experience, to be lonely is just an emotion the same as being happy or sad. you cant be happy, sad or lonely for 24/7 so the times when you are not content,go watch a movie, read a book or do something you enjoy to keep your mind occupied. Depression is when the brain thinks to much negative things. i say, why not concentrate on what you do have and not what you dont! Have you ever been in the company of a negative or sad person or even lonely. For some reason, i want to get away from them and do not warm to them. So, concentrate on what you are about, who you are and what you have got going for you in life. All of us have amazing qualities but some times they get hidden behind depression, i say, screw depression and let the sun shine from within all of us and let the world know what stunning people we all are. Tx

This is one of the most depressing pages i think i have read in a long time. Why any one thinks that life revolves around a relationship, i will never know? Most of the couples that people think are living the dream are actually living a nightmare of a marriage and are scared to leave as they haven't got the strength to be true to themselves, happy and independent. Suicide? Why? Okay, so you end your life and try and guess what happens, the world will carry on as it always has done, without you! So all the good times you would have had with your friends, family, work, you would have ended as well as the lonely times. From experience, to be lonely is just an emotion the same as being happy or sad. you cant be happy, sad or lonely for 24/7 so the times when you are not content,go watch a movie, read a book or do something you enjoy to keep your mind occupied. Depression is when the brain thinks to much negative things. i say, why not concentrate on what you do have and not what you dont! Have you ever been in the company of a negative or sad person or even lonely. For some reason, i want to get away from them and do not warm to them. So, concentrate on what you are about, who you are and what you have got going for you in life. All of us have amazing qualities but some times they get hidden behind depression, i say, screw depression and let the sun shine from within all of us and let the world know what stunning people we all are. Tx

This is one of the most depressing pages i think i have read in a long time. Why any one thinks that life revolves around a relationship, i will never know? Most of the couples that people think are living the dream are actually living a nightmare of a marriage and are scared to leave as they haven't got the strength to be true to themselves, happy and independent. Suicide? Why? Okay, so you end your life and try and guess what happens, the world will carry on as it always has done, without you! So all the good times you would have had with your friends, family, work, you would have ended as well as the lonely times. From experience, to be lonely is just an emotion the same as being happy or sad. you cant be happy, sad or lonely for 24/7 so the times when you are not content,go watch a movie, read a book or do something you enjoy to keep your mind occupied. Depression is when the brain thinks to much negative things. i say, why not concentrate on what you do have and not what you dont! Have you ever been in the company of a negative or sad person or even lonely. For some reason, i want to get away from them and do not warm to them. So, concentrate on what you are about, who you are and what you have got going for you in life. All of us have amazing qualities but some times they get hidden behind depression, i say, screw depression and let the sun shine from within all of us and let the world know what stunning people we all are. Tx

This is one of the most depressing pages i think i have read in a long time. Why any one thinks that life revolves around a relationship, i will never know? Most of the couples that people think are living the dream are actually living a nightmare of a marriage and are scared to leave as they haven't got the strength to be true to themselves, happy and independent. Suicide? Why? Okay, so you end your life and try and guess what happens, the world will carry on as it always has done, without you! So all the good times you would have had with your friends, family, work, you would have ended as well as the lonely times. From experience, to be lonely is just an emotion the same as being happy or sad. you cant be happy, sad or lonely for 24/7 so the times when you are not content,go watch a movie, read a book or do something you enjoy to keep your mind occupied. Depression is when the brain thinks to much negative things. i say, why not concentrate on what you do have and not what you dont! Have you ever been in the company of a negative or sad person or even lonely. For some reason, i want to get away from them and do not warm to them. So, concentrate on what you are about, who you are and what you have got going for you in life. All of us have amazing qualities but some times they get hidden behind depression, i say, screw depression and let the sun shine from within all of us and let the world know what stunning people we all are. Tx

I went through your story thoroughly and feel connected very much. It`s because of similarities with myself. I want to know you, and people like you. But, as always, I won`t remember what and where I posted and will loose trace, forget all names. Wish I could change that.<br />
I see healthy sense of yourself. That must be attractive, I bet on that!

I just broke my cell phone. It currently represents everything that is wrong in my life. I can't imagine sitting in another room watching everyone's phones continuously going off, while mine remains dormant. I have no genuine friends, I have no love, and as of lately no one has looked my way. I'm so tired of everyone telling me how beautiful I am, change your circle. Or men who feed me BS about me being wife material, and strong. Then get into a relationship with another woman. Really, would you pass up a million dollars if it was right in your face. <br />
<br />
I lose a piece of me everyday. What don't kill you makes you stronger. BS, it makes you bitter. My self esteem is shot. And everyone makes it seem as If if I don't give into this idea, of getting rid of my inhibitions I will always be lonely. No, I will be like all the single woman I see getting used everyday and still being in my position. I tried that route in only made me more depressed. I contemplate suicide everyday, until I look at my two beautiful kids (also products of unproductive relationships) that deserve their mother. God , gave me them so I would not commit suicide cause he knows I could never leave my angels. But why do that to torture me?<br />
<br />
I needed to hear your words because no one around me understands and I constantly feel judged. I needed to know that I'm not crazy, cause I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't begin to tell you. I'm successful, I know I'm intelligent and financially stable, but I'm lonely taking care of two kids on my own. Due to where I'm at in life, I'm scared I will have nothing to offer my daughter but ways to be a scholar and successful. But what will I say when my children hurt, if I have no coping mechanism. How can I prevent this pain that I feel. I love them so much, but I'm merely a shell giving them all their hearts desires, hoping they won't notice how weak I am. My daughter mimics everything I do, that's scary.

I'm older than you, I'm late 20s., and I always feel lonely. I'm MARRIED, yet I feel lonely and sometimes unwanted. My husband is...neglectful, not abusive but neglectful, and sometimes I feel too old to start anew. But I know how you must feel. I am an attractive lady as well, yet men never seem to be interested...funny thing this world we live in....if you need to talk let me know..... :)

I don't understand why so many people blessed with good looks, get to use and abuse women and still get a wife (undeserved) When im the ugly as ****. despite being a socially awkward **** i'd love to have a women to love, care for. make feel like a princess. but i can't because all that matters in the teen years is looks and sex. i just don't get it. im the only 18 year old virgin where i am. i have no friends. but i feel like the only one who treats a girl like a human being. D:

The truth is it probably goes much deeper than your earlier self esteem. You might find it helpful to look into your mother and father's relationship. Human's generally fall into patterns. Another factor is often early childhood sexual or emotional abuse. This is a big show stopper for many people when it comes to choosing relationships. If you could find a good counselor, of which there are very few you might be able to move forward. One thing though, being in a relationship does not solve problems. Something is attracting you to the wrong relationships. There are many people out there that prey on a person who appears vulnerable. I see some of them in this forum. Those would be anyone asking you to contact them so they can help. That's not the proper way to get help, especially if you have contemplated or tried suicide. Someone who is a professional might be able to help.

sweetheart dont ever try to commit suicide...this life is given by jesus...and we dont have any right to give up our lives...ur problam is similer to mine...i m here because i m stabbed by my best friends...m ditched by so many ppl and the most painful thing is this that i have done so much for them..<br />
anyways...there is a silver lining behind a dark cloud...i m here, whenever u want to talk or share things..make a list for atlest 5 things u r thankful about and u'll feel good:)<br />
payal

Not all men are idiots we are not all the same but men do pray on the vulnerable like some women do.Sex making love is something that I now know comes second friendship trust comman ground ect should come first.This gives you self esteem confidence and a believe in yourself.I myself had my life torn apart and I am looking for the one I thought I had her how wrong I was but I refuse to be beaten and you shouldn't to.Be strong respect this gift of life you have been given and lets talk.Love Jason a stranger hoping to be a friend to you

A definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result! Stop waiting for everything around you to change while you're doing the same thing. What i did(with Gods help) is left it all behind. Started something new, in a new place, new job, new town..............etc. You'll be strugglin for a minit. Lonesome for a minit.............but once you re-establish, you'll find a new adventure. Work on yourself and not on finding someone to help you out of this. When you succeed, and you will, you'll feel powerful and independent. THAT is what will attract someone to you. go after your new life and DON'T stop til you get there...................

Where the Heck are you women hiding? I've been looking my whole life, and haven't found one single woman who was worth dating, let alone going out with, going steady with, being engaged to, or marrying and having children with.<br />
You must not go to church, and I KNOW you're not in bars. Where the heck are nice guys supposed to meet nice girls?

Just read your post and it sounds really sad. You probably need to see a counselor to deal with your issues. Also don't give up, and keep trying to find someone. Don't settle for someone who does not meet up to your standards as it seems like you were doing. Also try to have fun without men, you don't necessarily need a man in your life to have fun.

I typed I am depressed and lonely into Google and the first link led to your story. We may have differwnt views and lifestyles, but I was really hit hard when you talked about what god must have in store for you. I don't believe in god let alone that he has a plan for each of us, but I will say that I will never give up and I'd hate to think you ever would. I fell in love with a woman just to see her only moments ago fall for one of my best friends. Still, as much as my entire being aches right now, I am so thankful for knowing I can care so much. I feel so full of life right now. If something can take me so low clearly I must have been experiencing something so much bigger, fuller, brighter, and better. Maybe one day I will find the woman that can bring me to a state of complete fulfilment, but if not I can at least know that I lived, and I enjoyed every bit I could. Sometimes it's hard, but the chance of something great is always better than the nothingness that would come from ending it all. I wish you nothing but the best.

you can visit my site http://www.noproblem.yolasite.com/ and get some useful information.

I am going through the same thing at age 28 but one thing I really do not understand is the advice people give when they say "love yourself first". There are so many people who DO love themselves, I feel. When you say things like "I feel attractive, successful in my career, kind, responsible, etc..." and are genuinely confused as to why it is you have problems finding a mate, I don't think that reflects lack of self-love. I think it reflects "I love me, I think I'm awesome, bring on the equally awesome men!" <br />
<br />
Anyway that's where I am now. Sure my ex is beating down my door trying to shower me with gifts and promise to treat me better if I marry him, but I love myself too much to deal with that kind of crap. So I'm single but I don't want to be! Bring on the men!

I feel your pain... literally. Just want a woman that can love me without conditions. Just wanna b held n told everythings gonna b alright. just want her to lay in my arms n tell me all her problems, dreams and wishes and allow me to kiss her hair and tell her i'm there 4 her. Why can't we find each other? God help me...

Your not alone hon... I'm 29 and what you wrote touched my heart because it read like my life.

Hi Sister and Friends,<br />
<br />
I read your story (plus all the comments) and was truly moved. Sister, you seem to have a very strong sense of faith that you are holding onto to keep you safe. Although your story saddened me dearly, this fact does keep me hopeful for your sake. <br />
<br />
There is a very important purpose for your existence on this earth (for us all, really). The day will come when whatever that purpose is will be revealed to you, but until then, I pray that you hold fast and stay strong. In my opinion, your life holds meaning whether or not there is someone beside you to acknowledge this truth. <br />
<br />
I am not saying that you do not need companionship and love to live a generally more happy life. However, what I am saying is that whether or not there are people in your life who can acknowledge your significance and worth, you will always be an important and very special young woman who will one day soon understand what it means to love and be loved. Your sheer existence on this web forum has brought that much more companionship and understanding to our friends who have replied to your post above and all you did was post your most candid feelings and thoughts. If that small act of strength and faith has positively affected this many people, imagine what else you can do in your life to continue to be that shining light that we all need to keep going, keep living, keep hoping?<br />
<br />
See, whether or not you realize it, your smallest actions mean something to us, to the world and that is what you should use to measure how significant your life is. Your day of companionship will come my friend, but untill then… stay positive and ever-loving. There is someone in your life that already loves and understands you more than any man ever could and he is already holding you as you read this :)<br />
<br />
- Theo

Y'all need to stop getting so depressed only reason your depressed is because you keep feeling lonely and need a partner not really just a trustful friend I know you think of suicide but c'mon think how many people are lonely and are suicidal r not the only 1 so ur not alone just got to be ,ore social and do hobbys you really enjoy things that keep you happy trust me I know what I'm talking about.

Good things will come just keep god in your life a good man will keep your head up i no what its like because I'm 30 with two kids i don't have a man and i would like to have one i cry overnight i want someone so bad but it has not happen for me so and i have been told that I'm a good woman I'm lonely

hello

Hello. I'd like to suggest you to visit my site: noproblem.yolasite.com/<br />
I hope you'll get something useful for yourself there.

oh sorry but even am single and searching and don't you think am the right choice?

I understand how you totally feel, not that i'm related but i understand..<br />
i hope everything gets better and you find who you truly deserve..<br />
for everyone, visit my site if you need someone to talk to<br />
http://utalkilisten.webs.com/contact.htm

your story has touched me, not that i relate, but i understand how you feel..<br />
for any of you who need someone to talk to, you can visit my site and discuss any issue you have<br />
http://utalkilisten.webs.com/contact.htm<br />
if you're not comfortable talking there we can get a personal contact..<br />
I hope you feel well soon, be safe.

I deleted my first comment because the universe will rail against me.<br />
<br />
I only speak when I am nervous and for some reason when I am nervous I want to talk and talk and talk and talk till I feel comfortable. I am never at peace with myself.<br />
<br />
I do not know why but as soon as I feel people are judging me to see if I am retarded it makes me want to start a converstation nervously I guess to distract myself and then I wind up screaming #!#$!$ at God if I do not get the right answers I need because I feel like I am being set up to make mistakes.<br />
<br />
I often wonder if screaming at God will block him from answering me but I will never know until I can get someone who understands the law of attraction to help me.

I know it's too late but I hope I could help. We make mistakes but we should not end there, we should learn from it. you don't to scream at HIM to get the answers. just pray and tell him what your heart desires, he surely listens. just be patient.

Edit: I wonder if hating God when things go wrong might be blocking help from God to bring the best outcome and if so how do I help myself not scream about hating God when surprises happen. :(

When I read your story it sounded so like my own, I have weekly therapy for the battles I have with my self esteem and poor relationship past. All my friends are settled but they moan intensely about the faults in their partners and have to ask permission to do what they want in their own lives. I do hate being single but I would hate being in a poor relationship more. We are single because we refuse to put up with some of the crap some men want to put on us. The fact that you have not just settled for anyone that has come your way is a real credit to you. Alter anything in your life to increase happiness. Nothing attracts a guy more than an independent woman who loves her life. Go on dates and if they go wrong and the guy is a jerk, laugh about the experience and be thankful you dont go home to a bloke like that. See your singledom as a journey be enjoyed until someday something will just click. Good luck. x

Honey, I understand. I used to feel like that. I am 25 and since I was 15 I've had the same type of dysfunctional relationships. Ive allowed men to use me although it didnt feel right. Imagine that, I sacrificed my own honor, chastity and virtue for the depression, anxiety and hopelessness of letting myself be used. I know the humiliation of being unwise and young and taking risks and losing yourself and losing control. You dont want that really, but you allow it to happen because you feel unworthy. I also lost hope in God and my religion because of the pain Ive experienced. Ive dealt with suicide, insomnia, depression and anxiety for the past 10 years. I did get pregnant at 18- like you said you long for a family right?! Well I felt the same way. My dreams were even more shattered because I was abandoned by the people I love with no warning even. I was homeless, broken, pregnant, shattered, suicidal, sleepless and lonely. People were cruel and no one understood. It's been hell. But I want to share a beautiful thing that just happened to me. ITs a bittersweet story but I met a man who opened me up. He was my dream. He is married but he was my dream and I loved him for it. Of course it was never going to work, but atleast I felt that hope, love, tenderness, passion and life! I am going through a divorce now, taking care of my son, going to school, struggling, its really hard. And I still cannot find a man, its like all the men here are losers. Really, It's so disappointing. Where are all the real men? Either married already or dead. My heart goes out to you. But dont lose hope because if you really want it- it can be yours. You have to really want it- meaning be able to live without it- and then you'll get it.

I feel your pain. Tanx for sharing. It makes me so thankful that i am borned a Muslim. Neway belief is <br />
sumtng to be learned, rite. I am a stay at home mom who does home tuition n massaging women to earn my living. At d age of 46 wut i have r 3 offsprings, a husband who is still struggling to provide food n home for us. All d money dat i earn goes to my family. Most of the time i hate it...feel i cant enjoy my own money. After reading your story n comments shared for it, making me feel i have so much to give n to receive. Problems r alweez there but i can talk to Allah and i have the privilege of praying 5 times a day. I suggest u find GOD. Which for me is the Almighty Allah...Isnt HE THE ONE who creates us n knows all our weaknesses n faults. He nver leaves us also...

I think the same tings!I see all these people living wrond,not GODLY,and they have so much,I guess people lie us will have it all when Jesus comes back!

Before anyone attempts suicide, please read up on "negative" NDE's (near death experiences). We can't stand the pain, and we want to make it stop. Emotional pain is worse than anything, because it feels like it will never end. It will end if we don't give up. Go to church, pray, do good for others, expecting nothing in return. Help others and don't lean on them for strength. Find your strength in giving of yourself. Believe that God has a plan for you. He loves you, and is waiting for you to love Him. Don't let negative spiritual forces take you over. That can be worse than the pains we feel now. Read up on people who have tried to kill themselves, and were brought back to live BEFORE you take your own life. Read up on God's love for mankind. John 3:16 is a good starting point. Stay away from the dark. Seek the light that can banish our darkness and the spiritual forces behind the darkness. Don't dismiss my ramblings before you research for yourself.

I am a 36 year old man dilling with my owne depression. I'm not like other men, so I don't fit in. I'm a virgin! I'm a ciliac and a diabetic. I'm sweet an kind to others. My name is Bruce! Having someone even for just a few mins. to hold would be heavenly. If you have had a hot relationship with anyone, thats more then I have had my whole life! Take comfort in knowing what I can only dream about! My bed is lonlyer then the quietest place you could ever imagin. Please! Remember, It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all! My hart has grown tired of being bilt up and dashed upon the rocks! I wish I had someone to love who dose't want to leave. The pain of needing someone is like all the water on earth pushing down on me. Time can feel like a unkind fowe! I believe the woman who is my sunshine is always just out of reach! She needs to turn around or stop so I can catch-up! Always smile my friends! Though we have not met yet! Faith will see you through all of life's vally's and swomps! :) -much love- Bruce Roberts (hugs all around)

Hey I feel your pain, Im 23 and most of my friends are already married, have kids, or a family...Things I wanted from the time I was young....I completely understand the whole going from one meaningless relationship to the other, and feeling used and abused. Sometimes you just wake up and wonder?....Is there any good people out there?...Thats when I realized...that when it comes to life....Sometimes finding the needle in the haystack is a really tough thing to do. To find that hard person. Thats why I am putting my Faith in God...You know it sounds Like you are a religious person...One thing I realized is, God Helps those who take Action....Trust me....In your situation...No perfect man is just going to magically fall in your lap if you arn't looking...Also No perfect guy will beat down your door, if you don't know how to let him find your door....Also No perfect guy will be, just in any place....You must go on a HUNT!....I guess thats why god said the love chase is supposed to be an adventure...Not easy....Now its not supposed to be so DAMN hard that your alone forever, but From all the ups and downs...and meaningless relationships I have been through I HAVE LEARNED FROM ALL OF THEM...what NOT to do...WHO not to date....So....Chances are you haven't met a good man....I know for one...I haven't met a decent woman either....I know I'm a good guy....Just haven't found a girl who thinks I am...Though to me...You sound like a pretty decent girl....Got me wondering WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?....You see sad part is....Most girls like you I find having boyfriends....or there busy in meaningless relationships........Seems to me like the guy like me youve been missing...Is always where you least expect him to be....<br />
<br />
So keep your Chin up...Girl<br />
<br />
Cuz I'm out there...<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
A Friend

Hey I feel your pain, Im 23 and most of my friends are already married, have kids, or a family...Things I wanted from the time I was young....I completely understand the whole going from one meaningless relationship to the other, and feeling used and abused. Sometimes you just wake up and wonder?....Is there any good people out there?...Thats when I realized...that when it comes to life....Sometimes finding the needle in the haystack is a really tough thing to do. To find that hard person. Thats why I am putting my Faith in God...You know it sounds Like you are a religious person...One thing I realized is, God Helps those who take Action....Trust me....In your situation...No perfect man is just going to magically fall in your lap if you arn't looking...Also No perfect guy will beat down your door, if you don't know how to let him find your door....Also No perfect guy will be, just in any place....You must go on a HUNT!....I guess thats why god said the love chase is supposed to be an adventure...Not easy....Now its not supposed to be so DAMN hard that your alone forever, but From all the ups and downs...and meaningless relationships I have been through I HAVE LEARNED FROM ALL OF THEM...what NOT to do...WHO not to date....So....Chances are you haven't met a good man....I know for one...I haven't met a decent woman either....I know I'm a good guy....Just haven't found a girl who thinks I am...Though to me...You sound like a pretty decent girl....Got me wondering WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?....You see sad part is....Most girls like you I find having boyfriends....or there busy in meaningless relationships........Seems to me like the guy like me youve been missing...Is always where you least expect him to be....<br />
<br />
So keep your Chin up...Girl<br />
<br />
Cuz I'm out there...<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
A Friend

I will pray for you! I am going through the same thing, but I'm 43, divorced, coming off a long term failed relationship, and working a mediocre job that barely pays my bills. I come home to an empty house and two cats every day. But you are only 26 and have your entire life ahead of you. Good things are to come!

Makes me sad to hear of women who have good men, getting abortions. I have 2 boys & my husband wanted a vasectomy before even having them. I talked him out of it. He got one done right after our 2nd child. Now 11 years later, I am 35 & would like to have another child. We (he) made a poor decision, especially with him being catholic, & I discussed this with him via text because he's not a good talker unless it something stupid & making **** jokes or something. He went back and forth justifying it. he works crazy hours, is never around to be with me or the boys. I am so sad every day. I love him, but I feel like he wants this little **** bag at home looking all hot, but of course to have sex with with no consequences, while I sit in pain emotionally. I have changed a lot. I dont want to have to look hot (yeah decent & clean & feminine, but having a 14 yr old boy, I dont feel right looking hot!) I have read God's word & see how he wants me to live, but my husband obviously wont look at his part. He was raised catholic, but he doesnt practice obviously if his dad had a vasectomy & himself without thinking it's against God. I said I'd never get my tubes tied. That's insane especially to do in your 20's or even at all according to God's will. I dont know why Im on here. I've cried for days, probably from hormones. sick of not having a family life. kids are on xbox, while we are all in seperate rooms. I try to be a family, but husband thinks sitting in front of tv all day is family time. I just dealth with 2 yrs of brain cancer which isnt cured exactly, now I have some other problems I have to deal with. I hope I dont get sick again, because last time my husband wouldnt keep my clean or anything. I am scared & feel lonely. My kids even wish their dad was home, but they know even if he is, he wont play with them or spend time with them. Sad. I guess I sound pathetic, but I just hate waiting around for him to change his stupid 2nd shift and 3rd shift 12 hour schedule to be home with us in evenings & just be a family while I have time left to live. If I died he'd have to change it, so why not now? I guess he hates me and probably didnt want kids and its all my fault. I dont know.

Hello there lovepeace&amp;happiness. Such a nice screenname! I hope your situation has improved. I was that guy &amp; let me tell you, I wish so badly I'd known i was that guy. I acted almost exactly like your husband. I had NO IDEA how badly I was hurting my family. They only needed my time. I pray you've resolved your problems. Mine took all she could take- finely gave up &amp; quit. Do NOT blame her a bit! Sure do miss them though! Insensative stubborn ignorant slow to learn men we surely can be. I'm so sorry for you &amp; your husband. Not much help from me I know, your story touched my heart honestly &amp; deeply though &amp; I want you to know I'm hoping for BOTH you , your husband &amp; especially the boy! Best wishes!!

There are lots of us out here who are lonely for some reason or another. I tried to build myself up in ways that I thought were good to live by. I know right from wrong and always told myself I'd do the right things when they really counted. I failed. I went from 18 to 30 supporting other and learning from their mistakes in life and tried the best I could to help and bring positive feelings. I was 23 when I first experienced intercourse. yay right? At 30 I told myself that I would get married and I wouldn't have kids. I would find a job and get by and choose solitude and then I met a girl and thought it was ok. We married. Then gossip happened. She's Asian and so every one in my family were experts on Asians and told me I was being used. Wife said otherwise and I defended her against parents, brothers, in-laws, friends, co-workers, because that is what a husband is supposed to do. Worked, got a house, and looked the other way because I was accepted for once and struggled to keep it that way. Then she had an abortion. I told myself I had to stick through it because I'm married. She didn't give me a choice and had the abortion. I wanted the child. She made me want a child and then when it was time she ended it. All went back to normal and then she was pregnant again and another abortion. I was lost. I ended up cheating on her. I felt no love in the marriage anymore and I felt myself believing what people were saying about her and so I slept with another. There is no excuse for my actions. I should have stayed faithful no matter what. I paid for that sin. We split up and she moved in with a man she had been talking to while she waited tables and he was trying hard to get her to go to his house. Maybe I got what I deserved. My heart broke and I lost 40 lbs and nearly died. I put a shotgun in my mouth and was moments from pulling the trigger and all went numb around me. Those little voices in your head, thoughts, it all stopped and there was no phone call or anyone to call and talk me out of it, and yet for two whole minutes I sat there, not crying anymore, and I think God was like, So you say you're going to do it, so lets see....I got rid of the gun. My wife had been with this guy and got a business with him and I was ready to divorce. But she needed me for the green card and knew how to keep me following the crumb trail back to her. She'd give me enough attention so I wouldn't leave. When I think back on the marriage, I did wrong, but it wasn't a real marriage. I am told by many that once a man cheats, he always cheats. I may never get another chance to prove it, but of all the sins I've done, I can live without cheating and fully believe it is repented. She ended up having a cyst and lost her right ovary and they guy she was with told he didn't want a wife. So she came back to me and I thought it was all good, she already had two kids with another man and they were with us now. A family and good things happening. We agreed to start over and not see anyone else and be there for each other. I was going to college the whole time we were separated and now I had a good job with Dow chem and pay was good and then I found her dating on line and talking to guys asking to see her body. I said to stop, she said no, we divorced. I have had two gf's since then. Not at the same time either. With the last gf, we lived far apart, 330 miles, and I drove to see her every weekend. We did good together, not so good apart. I was having issues at work and was trying to work at another place in the same plant and wasn't doing a good job at it. I really felt close to this girl. But we broke up and I lost my job. I've been so very depressed most of my life. Recently I think less and less on finding anyone else ever again and am searching more and more for a hole to crawl in and die. I hope that I go to sleep and never wake up. How could I have made such mistakes that I told myself I would never do. I still talk to my ex wife time to time. Not sure why, but she wants to be friends. My last gf wants to be friends and I want to give it another try but she doesn't think it will work. We talk and are the best of friends. She had a bf after me and he wasn't a good one for her and she's going through getting over him. I know I must seem really messed up to some of you. I game online and talk to people. It helps me stay sane somewhat. I try hard to help people and get back to the person I was before marriage-helping people smile, helping people period. Still, I go to bed, and I think, it would be ok if I didn't wake up. People would get over it and say it was a natural death and his time to go, I guess we just can't be that lucky and have to wake up. I hope those that read this don't think too badly of me. But if you do, I guess I can understand. God Bless and me of little faith will go to sleep again.

Your post is two years old, so maybe you've found what you're looking for by now. . .But if you haven't, or for anyone else reading who may have similar stories, you're not alone. At 35, my life is nowhere near where I thought it would be 10 or 15 years ago. I dreamed of the wife, the kids, the dog and the white picket fence too. I was 26 when I met someone, fell in love, and asked her to marry me six months later. I was married at 27, and five years after that, after an old boyfriend (who was on the outs with his wife) got in touch with her, I was divorced. We had been trying to have kids but with no success. We were even seeing a fertility specialist. They got married this past July and I heard they are expecting in March.<br />
<br />
Trust me, I'd rather have never been married than to hear the love of my life, that person with whom my entire future, along with its hopes and dreams, is built on, tell me "I don't love you anymore."<br />
<br />
I have a great job too (At least I really like it!). Love the people I work with. Unfortunately, after eight hours, I have to go home again. I do have a dog, and that helps, but she isn't a replacement for a human companion that you can share feelings and experiences with. But be careful in assuming that the friends' lives that you envy are perfect. By all appearances, me wife and I were a happy couple. You never know what things are like when they go home and it's just them. I hope that isn't the case with your friends, but I've seen it time and time again.<br />
<br />
I agree that it's good to find hobbies, exercise, help others when you can, and find ways to be around people. When I'm out and about I feel better. Unfortunately I don't have many friends, so most of the times I go out it's on my own.<br />
<br />
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with somebody. I believe it's supposed to be that way. God said after He created Adam that it is not good for man to be alone. But He wants us to yield our lives to His will and trust Him. Now, I know this in my head, but unfortunately my heart doesn't know how to do this. Also, so often (as in my case) we want God to deliver happiness to us but don't want to live in His commandments. A lot of my own unhappiness is my own doing, but sometimes depression and despair (as shared by some folks above) will make you make compromises that you normally wouldn't or that you know that you shouldn't.<br />
<br />
To you and to anyone - you are not alone. Don't give up. Don't ever give up. Since being divorced, there have been a couple of times I've asked God to make a situation work out where I could be with a particular person. I'm not with either of them, and I'm glad now. God knows what we need, but we have to trust Him to provide for us, and live in a manner that is deserving of His help.<br />
<br />
God bless!

My advise to all of you and you may think me a fool or take this as you wish but here it is. Quit looking, quit trying to find the perfect person for your life or the perfect job or the perfect friend. Once you stop looking and i am not saying give up by any means i am saying quit looking, you'll find what you seek. Your desperation is what is drawing you into situations that make things worse. Live your life enjoy what you can and I promise you the rest will fall into place. Once you quit looking then you stop the desperation, your mind will clear and you will stop attracting negative people or whatever is wrong in your life. The key to life is "Acceptance" Accept who you are, your past, realize these are things you cannot change in more than appearance and move on. I wish you all the best, I have fallen victim to the same situations you are all in many times and it took me a long time to finally quit looking. My life is not perfect yet but i can say it's get's better everyday...

My advise to all of you and you may think me a fool or take this as you wish but here it is. Quit looking, quit trying to find the perfect person for your life or the perfect job or the perfect friend. Once you stop looking and i am not saying give up by any means i am saying quit looking, you'll find what you seek. Your desperation is what is drawing you into situations that make things worse. Live your life enjoy what you can and I promise you the rest will fall into place. Once you quit looking then you stop the desperation, your mind will clear and you will stop attracting negative people or whatever is wrong in your life. The key to life is "Acceptance" Accept who you are, your past, realize these are things you cannot change in more than appearance and move on. I wish you all the best, I have fallen victim to the same situations you are all in many times and it took me a long time to finally quit looking. My life is not perfect yet but i can say it's get's better everyday...

Well, damn. It's obvious you need help. I'll give you what advice I can. Surround yourself with people. Find things to do in your free time. 2 reasons. (1) it will distract you. (2) you might meet someone. I hope it helps, it's worked for me.

I am sitting here, thinking about my own problems and feeling utterly hurt- hurt but when I read your post I realised something. I sat around feeling sorry for myself , I do not feel like anyone loves me. truly loves me , no friends no guys. I always end up with the guy who is less than me and abuses me verbally.<br />
What I want to say is, why are so many of us young girls who have alot going for us still victimize ourselves? <br />
Why not take a walk outside, go to a party, eat alone at a resturaunt or even find just one person to go have a drink with... you never know who you will meet. Or if you can afford it , take a trip somewhere inspiring. Marvel at something. Think of the bigger picture... not all of it is about white weddings... and I know it in my heart you will meet someone someone who will laugh wtih you cry with you live life with you... and then you will know that the wait was worth it.<br />
And you are very young still...<br />
Now all I can say to everyone else who is aching I feel for you. I really do. But instead of bringing each other down and saying so many things that make each other feel worse and sorry and sadder... lets all try and find at least one thing thats positive in our lives. just one.<br />
and every day post a positive thing. I really think that trying to focus on something good or worth smiling about even if you didnt notice or if you think its silly or small. Find at least one thing that makes you happy...<br />
Remember the only thing that stands between you and getting happiness is you. So talk to yourself about it talk to yourself through it and everytime something good happens acknowledge it.<br />
You have a wonderful career... that is something you should be proud of. <br />
I wish you health above all else.

LuvMyLife is very right - it's all about loving yourself. If you don't love yourself, neither will anyone else. You think that having a man and a family will 'complete' your life, that a relationship will make you feel whole and wonderful, but it won't. You need to feel whole and wonderful BY YOURSELF before you will find a relationship, not the other way around. No man wants to be with a woman who hates herself - except of course for abusive men, who prefer them.....