Just So Lonely...

I have just been so lonely anymore, but then again I am a gay pagan male living in a rural area right now. I really just feel like a misfit  due to a lack of friends anymore. It just seems like every person that I see or know is married, and/or has kids. All I want is my own niche to be at home, and feel safe. I feel that I deserve what it seems like most everyone else has.

I do pretty much anything, and everything that I can do to meet people in the area such as being in a play, working in a few elections, and even working a job in customer service daily. I also have more than enough hobbies to entertain myself such as knitting, sewing, and fixing computers. Most of the people that have known me will also tell me that I am fiercely myself, and I always thought that was a good thing.

I always wonder if it is me , or them though because I know that I will say hello to most anyone, but then I might get a bit quiet, in an attempt to let the other person talk. Also part of this is that I am afraid to open up, and let people get to know me because when I do then it tends to make them get quiet. So maybe I am making them feel awkward with my own anxiety

I do have plans to get out of this place someday with my job but then I am not getting as many hours at work as some of my pushier coworkers. I just want to be known, and loved, and even held. I want to find a person, and a day in my life where I am comfortable enough to cry out all of these tears inside me without fear of rejection.

Anyways, I found this group, and thought I would join, and share something. I hope that everyone is doing okay, and what not. Take care and Blessed Be! =)
paganmike paganmike
31-35, M
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

<p>hey love, gm~~~ i feel people are so stiff they can't relax and just enjoy life~~~ sounds like you have a beautiful, loving mind that no one sees~~~<br />
i wish more people were more like you ,we all live in a society that is fast and hard, many times mean but , people like us must move above that~~~so what if your gay, you know your sexual preference ~~the pagan thing , i think your lost~~~try GOD and prayer sometimes, it may help you ~~~anyway if you need a friend i will be there ok~~~ you will find a lover and someone to hold, just be patient love brina</p>