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I Do Enjoy My Alone Time, But I Get So Lonely Sometimes...

Until I was about 12, life was fine. I had friends, best friends, and people who liked me. When I turned 12, people started pulling away. So, naturally, I decided that if I wanted friends, I should probably change. I went all out, and I changed my personality. And you know what? My plan worked. People loved me, were my friends. I was never really happy with myself, but I was happy with the lack of loneliness. For some reason, things changed when I turned 14. I felt like I could finally relax, let my true colours show. When I started the gradual change, people started drawing away. Eventually, the summer before I started high school, the final step was taken to purge me from everyone's lives. My best friend ever had a birthday party, and I was so excited to get an invitation that I was practically always on my email. The invitation never came. What made it worse, what really struck the blade home, were the pictures posted on facebook. Everyone was at that party. EVERYONE, including Kim, the girl everyone hated.

Since then, I have tried and failed to have friends. Oh sure, everyone's really polite to me, but whenever I try to hang out with anyone outside of school, hell even at lunch, they always make me feel as if I'm imposing. Honestly, I've been close to suicide multiple times, just because of the loneliness I've faced. Now, I've got it into my head that if I just manage to make it through high school, I'll move away--far, FAR away, like another continent--and I'll have friends and be happy without pretending to be someone I'm not.

It's keeping me alive, and giving me hope, and that's all that matters.
Knox1895 Knox1895 16-17 1 Response Feb 3, 2013

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Be yourself. The people that do not appreciate that do not deserve you as a friend. It gets easier after high school.