Today Is My Birthday

I am so lonely, today is my birthday, lol. Why should things change just for that big deal I was born so what who cares. Asked my Dad to watch the baby for me, he always watches my sisters kid he laphed and said were you gonna go out drinking? A dig at me because ive been clean and sober for 1 year and 10 months and 2 weeks. My babies father and I had to split up i'm not seeing anyone else we had a baby together I am loyal to him and him to me, he just needs to work on things on his own. I am holding on to our son and the life he took absence from so it will be here when he gets back. I lived on the streets for 7 n a half years and was addicted to meth, I have a home now and a son so I should be thankful and quit being such a pathetic looser. Im sure thats what people say to themselves. But I am sad and lonely. People always come to me for emotional support family friend, even my babies daddy has me up all night sometimes to comfort and make him feel better. Sometimes I do it so much I have little left for myself. Im healthy now but the peices of my broken heart still lie on the floor being trampled over by my friends and family who seem not to know what they are walking upon. I seem not to fit in this puzzle my family has created around there lives I was gone addicted alone and on the streets for so long. They never looked for me just continued on as I ate from garbage cans and fought to survive. I came back clean and I fought that demon alone to get back to them. Now I am a peice that doesnt fit there puzzle. I let them do little things I know they take advantage of me, my guilt. It hurts me that they do it, but I feel I owe them for being a lousy person and being gone for so long. I don't mean to be a whinning moron who doesnt appreciate things, but noone listens to me I need an ear to hear me and a sholder to cry on. Every time I try with my family or call my babies daddy they tell me to stuff it all back down there in so many words. So I put on a happy face ive quit trying. Now what? Happy Crappy Birthday to Me, Happy Crappy Birthday to Me. Im all alone and always will be! Lol.

withoutwithin withoutwithin
26-30, F
4 Responses Dec 6, 2009

This post is rather old,
But I hope you've healed since you wrote this.

People always get caught up and over look somethings, and sometime some people. You are worthy of putting your hand up and going "Hey, I think you should spoil me this year". The old you can only hold you down if you let her. Its obvious you've changed so why hasn't your attitude? You have fought some of the greatest battles and came out alive.
You are a winner and deserve to be happy.

I really hope you've found people who make you feel like you're worth it.

Well it's my pleasure. Next year you hit the magic "29". Good thing about that one is you get to STAY 29 for 6 or 7 years I think.<br />
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I think that like me, you'll one day find yourself in good enough fr<x>ame of mind to look at someone else's pain and help ease their burden. Pay it forward, withoutwithin.<br />
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And the offer of a shoulder or ear stands for anytime. Just click the envelope. Who wouldn't want you for a friend?<br />
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Take care.

Thank you very much for the Birthday wishes, I watched the video a beautiful song it made me feel much better. I ran away from an abusive situation and left my home town befor being addicted and homeless so it almost felt like it was written for me. Thankyou for caring about someone you have never met. I am 28 today by the way.

Well Birthday Girl, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Sorry I spaced it. lol<br />
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Seriously, I did read a little of your background, and you sure seem to be taking the right steps. Busting that meth habit has to be damn tough - I've seen it take some good people straight down the tubes - and don't forget to be proud of yourself for havung done that.<br />
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I been down a few times in life - in the hole, I call it. It's really tough to see your way out at times, and then quirky things like our birthday seem to magnify everything.<br />
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I just started here at the experience project, and when I read this story, my big blues were moist. I hope I can help by stopping by to say 'hi' on your birthday.<br />
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So here's a b-day dedication from me...<br />
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Dry your eyes and fight on. Need to talk, lean on me.<br />
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Happy Birthday, withoutwithin ...