Lonely Today

I came back from the gym feeling really depressed. I was sitting in the whirlpool and some guys who knew each other met there and started talking. They were pretty decent people, as far as I could tell. They soon started talking about what's going on in the world. Another man, astranger joined in with some information about the dollar and oil and so forth. Well I consider myself to be pretty intelligent and up on world affairs and was delighted that there was a neat discussion going on a few feet from me. I desperately wanted to join in. I never get to meet other people, especially those who can speak about important things. At work you have to keep things pretty work related and PC. I listened as hard as I could above the sound of the water jets, and I quickly saw my opportunity to add a comment and spoke up but my voice was weak and barely heard. I blerted out a quick “Wow, that’s incredible.” And tried to add my own thoughts but I was ignored and they moved on the conversation. It wasn’t an obvious, rude blow off but more of a ‘You’re simply invisible to us’ kind of glance. I listened to their conversation and tried again and couldn’t say anything more than “Huh, really?” one guy acknowledged me and explained his POV for a few seconds but the other guy said “You know what’s really going on is…” and quickly changed the subject again. And again I was out of the conversation.   This may sound stupid, but the thing that was depressing for me is that there was a cool conversation going on but I didn’t know any good details of the subject of oil and the dollar so I couldn’t add any good insight or keep up and join in. It almost seems trivial now, but I felt really hurt. It is like people talking about a subject that you like in front of you, but you can only passively watch, like it was TV. I want to be part of society! I want to meet people and share my thoughts and opinions and hear other peoples’. But I guess I am better suited to writing than having conversations. I felt really alone and alienated after that. Maybe there’s something about the way I look that makes me invisible.
readnwritewithwine readnwritewithwine
31-35, M
5 Responses Nov 12, 2007

These guys are in their own little world. You could have a group talking about the length of a toads leg and they would sound all important. They are in their own little world, again I, repeat, and when you came along you threatened to turn it upside down on them and that is why they excluded you--you may have known more than they did and they felt threatened by that--been there, done that myself. If they really were decent they would have given you a chance to explain your veiws or take on the matter but they were so insecure about you that they changed subjects and rudely excluded you. Not the kind of friends I'd want. Chalk it up to experience, go on your way, superficial clods you don't need, You Are Better than that.

I understand how you feel. It was good that you got to chance upon such a conversation though, for the most part i'm amazed at the junk that people spend their days talking about. If you want to chat feel free to add me, i'm lonely too and interested in 'intelligent' things, i actually run a business which is financial industry related so can talk about oil and the like all day (most people would find it boring, lol).

i know how you feel i have no friends and my husband looks at me as if im weird sometimes because i just cant have a decent convo with actual people the thought terrifies me your definatly not alone its just what can we do were lost in the crazyness of the world hopefully talking on here will let you see socialising isnt just something you struggle with, most people who try to socialise are pretending to be something there not just to go out and have the company which i think is worse than just being yourself and alone at least were on here for you when you need it instead of being lost in yourself surrounded by people who know a fake you and would leave if they realised your not like them take solace in the fact that you can admit it to yourself

Sometimes the best way to get into a conversation that you enjoy but know nothing about is to ask them to explain it in more depth. Maybe next time, you could say "Oh hey, I've been hearing a lot about that recently, but I don't really have an opinion myself because I don't know enough about it." You could join the conversation that way, and the stay listening and trying to participate. I find it works well for me, and most people don't mind an intrusion when they can express their point of view on a topic of interest.

Shake it off bro! :) maybe you need to find some writer friends who like to talk about writing. Maybe you're just weird, but hey everyones weird! Im weird. It's all good. Just have fun.