Continuing Disappointments...

it seems like everywhere i go, i cant settle in or adjust properly. i just moved to a new place a few months ago and as usual i thot it would take a little time to adjust and things here would start going smoothly for me. yet here i am; bored, depressed, discouraged and terribly alone. i even find myself talking to myself some times. all i do because of my lack of motivation is sleep. that atleast passes the time and gives me some solace from the things i have to face when im awake. yeah there r a few ppl around that i have hi-bye relations with. no one yet have i found that i can become close to as such. its gotten to a point where im starting to think that even if by some miracle i do get some company, even then ill still be in this state of depression. ive started to doubt my ability to even make frens. ive always had ppl to hang out with at nearly all ages of my life. now im here and its a struggle to even wake up in the morning to start my day, doing the same mundane things over and over again, barely uttering a word out of my mouth days at a time cuz theres no one to direct it towards. 

im not even sure if this whole EP thing is gonna help me in anyway but i thot atleast i could put these thots down, get them out of my head. the title is continued disappointments because it seems to me that everyone i know has some semblance of a decent life, in all areas. everyones either settled in great jobs, or situations or has had great and fun experiences. im the only one struggling with the basics of happiness. and unfortunately for me, this is isnt the first time this has happened. this has more or less been the story of my life, always the one left out, always the loser, always in last place, always mediocre, always forced to have and be second best. ive got commitments i have to fulfill, but i dont see those being fulfilled meaningfully unless these problems of mine are taken care of.  

again im not here for the solutions although it would be great if any are offered, im here more for the inviting outlet that this is for those like me, who dont have anybody to tell, and therefore have to relay these thoughts online. just goes to show to what circumstances my life has stooped. enjoy the read...


lonelya lonelya
22-25, M
1 Response Feb 27, 2010

I've never understood the concept of "lonely" or "bored." I just can't wrap my head around either one. I mean, I'm always here with myself so I'm never alone. If I don't have anything to do or I can't find anything I want to do, I go right to daydreaming. I can spend hours just watching the grass grow.<br />
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I sympathize with your plight. I just don't understand what you're feeling.<br />
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I watch lots and lots of movies, movies being my main passion in life. I can't remember the last time I was in a bad mood. My cardiologist poses a relationship between those two things because he thinks, since I watch so many movies, I'm 100% emotionally engaged at all times, which is the same as having a rich, full life. I suspect he may be right.<br />
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I mention this only on the off shot that you may find this useful in someway. In any event, good luck.