I Often Feel Depressed, Because I Feel Lonely...

 

     Back when I was first diagnosed as being DEPRESSED by a male psychiatrist I wasn't sure what he meant was I suffering from depression or not. Then years later, I learned depression is an illness. When I began taking ant-depressants I felt it was, because I was sick.  I know when I was physically sick I often had to take prescription medication, but this was completely different.  I felt lonely, because no one understood my illness not my husband not even my parents. And my in-laws no nothing about my depression so it feels as if I am depressed and lonely. but it is more about being depressed and being lonely with my depression. 

     There is no one who understands my depression.  I have actually been depressed for almost 30 years. I think it began when I was in my early twenties when I lost my job.  And then for 10 years I felt very depressed.  Nothing I did seem to take away how I felt.  I tried almost everything from taking hot bubble baths, listening to music, writing in my journal. and reading, but nothing seemed to help me.  I finally was able to get another job, but it never lasted either. So then I was back in the same hole again.  

      Whenever I feel depressed I feel as if I have fallen into a deep dark hole and feel I am unable to pull myself out of.  There are times when I feel I have almost climbed out, but then something always drags me back down into the dark hole again.  I feel so lonely too, because it is no difficult to describe to anyone how I feel.  I think for the past 7 years it seems like I have been STUCK in the dark deep hole and have just given up on trying to get out. It is almost like I have been hoping that someone will rescue me from my depression and feeling lonely, but no one is going to safe me, because I know now that I need to want to climb out of this dark deep hole someone can throw me a rope, but it is me that need to climb up the wall.           

deleted deleted
26-30
6 Responses Mar 15, 2010

Your never alone, and you don't have to get out of the darkness alone. God is with you and wants you in His light. :)

You are not alone in this crazy world. I know it seems hopeless now and I sometimes feel the same way, but we all have to find our way out of the darkness together. You have strength inside of you and a lot more to live for, even if it doesn't seem like it now. Keep going, you are important, you are special, and the world is a better place with you in it. Even just reading your post I feel better knowing someone is going through a similar experience as me, and it gives me hope that we all can figure it out together. We aren't alone.

It can be hard to be stuck in a dark place for 30 years but things really can get better.
illness or not things can become brighter and i will tell you that your story is very admirable

I've also been battling depression for over 20 years. I totally relate to feeling alone. However, my depression has been worsened by a bad marriage and a wife that does not love me. Tonight I spend another Friday alone. My kids are involved in school sports and at the football game while my wife drinks with her school colleagues. I have no close friends nearby and feeling so isolated. If death came for me, I would embrace him gladly. I have no idea how to get better, even with meds I still feel terribly isolated and alone. If I could kill myself and make it look like an accident, save my children the shame and stigma, I would. Not sure if divorce would help my depression or make it worse. The sexless marriage has taken its toll on me and I'm ready to quit!

I understand... I am sight impaired and am socially isolated I am a good ear if you'd eve like to talk my # is (707)869-9600-MEL

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