Too Little Too Late

I am not sure if this is contributing here becasue its my boyfriend not my husband and he is an addict. he is 37 and I am 36. I lived with him for a year although for the past year and a 1/2 we have not been living together. We see each pther sporadically on the weekends. We don't talk much on the phone because he lives with his mother and she is very controlling and either listens in on our conversations and makes disgusting comments, talks to him while we are on the phone or he sits there watching television with her not listening to what I am saying. He aclls me secretly when he goes to the store for her. He rushes those calls as well and talks to me about current events or gossip. Whenever I try to engage him in discussion about my feelings he deflects everything I say. For example I will say, " I'm hurt ..." he will say" Don't be hurt things will get better"   If I say "I feel lonely" he will say" There is no reason for you to be lonely." If I push the issue and tell him he doesn't hear what I am saying he merely tells me he understands what I mean and doesn't elaborate. Our sex life is non existent. On the rare occasion we have sex its good but we have sex only about 5 times a year. he can be very cold and distant. When he visits most of his time is spent starting at movies and eating. I feel he only comes to my house to escape his mother. I went from 135 lbs to 195 lbs in the three years we have been together.  Iam very depressed all the time and eat to feed this hole in my heart. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs but I think that I compemnsate with food. have successfully stayed away from him for three months onyl to fall for his lies again and expect him to commit himself to this year long rehab we have been discussing for the last year. I contracted HSV 2 from him and also was dx'd with alopecia areata last year ( although my hair patches gew back) this combined with my weight gain makes me feel very hideous. His not touching me adds to this. Sometimes recently he will approach me for sex and I feel its like he is doing charity work. He never puts me down re: my physcial appearance but sometimes we have bitter fights where he will critique mistakes I have made in my life in relationships familial and romantic. There is more but I feel I am going on forever.


jessered jessered
5 Responses Jul 6, 2009


thanks - to you all- hmmm... first - no im not married with a boyfriend on the side- im involved only with him - i have set a date to leave him - its easier for me this way - i am giving him until the end of august to get into the program - if he doesn't im gone- - i know i will need to be gone this just makes it easier onme and for once i want things easier on me then him - i have already stopped calling him - if he wants to find me let him look- moreover I am starting to not care if he looks- <br />
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i appreciated the idea of considering this a chapter in my life that just didnt end the way i wanted it to - <br />
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in this way it becomes only a part of my life experience instead of what defines me and my future - thank you

Am I understanding you correctly jessered, You are married and are complaining about your boyfriend not giving you enough attention?

OMG, girl! You deserve better than this!<br />
Walk away! The weight will start to drop the minute you dump this baggage!<br />
But before you go back into the dating game, you need a game plan. <br />
You need to ask yourself why you chose an emotionally bankrupt man, and then let him emotionally bankrupt you.<br />
I speak from personal experience on this one! <br />
Get rid of him and then find a good counselor to help you identify and heal the blind spots that caused you to blunder into this one, so you don't have to waste the years of your life doing this again!<br />
You deserve better than this!

Find someone else to spend time with, your relationship is going NOWHERE.........