Lonely And Depressed
My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We have 2 children and 1 on the way. For a few years now, we've had problems on and off because I feel that we just don't have a connection anymore. He never wanted to marry and have kids, but after finding out we were pregnant with #2, he suggested we get married because that's what his family would've wanted. Over the years, we've had some really good times but I'm afraid that as time goes by, I feel like a character in that movie "He's just not that into you". I'm a full time stay at home mom and am very lucky that he is a great provider and loves his kids. He works really hard and I admire him so much for being a good Dad. I know that he loves me, but don't really think that he's "in love" with me. I would consider our relationship to be more like best friends or room mates than husband and wife. There's zero romance - I can't even remember the last time he wanted to have sex. There is no physical contact, no hugging, no kissing. When we go to bed, he doesn't even say "goodnight" or give me a goodnight kiss, even when I've told him that it would mean a lot to me if he did - even if it was every once in awhile. When he's home, he doesn't really talk to me or spend time with me. And on his days off, he usually takes off for most of the day to do "his thing", whether that's hunting, hiking, fishing or hanging out with friends. When I can actually convince him to spend some family time with me and the kids, It's just a couple of hours over his weekend and he gets it over with as soon as possible so he can take off again. One day at home, I actually just observed his behavior when he was in the house and he was literally pacing back and forth like a caged tiger who couldn't wait to get out of here. It made me feel really sad to see him so desperate to get out. If we're together at home at night, he's perfectly contect being on the computer or in front of the TV without us saying anything to each other for hours. I've tried repeatedly to start conversations or initiate romance but nothing works. He has his own hobbies and interests and although I've tried to show an interest in them, he never seems to want me to be part of them with him. He likes to take vacations by himself - or with his friends - and doesn't really care about going with me anywhere.
I may sound like a total sap, but after all these years, I am still very much in love with my husband. I yearn to be close to him, to be hugged, to be wanted. But how do you make someone feel the same way about you when they have told you straight up that they don't and don't know how to feel that way? I feel so lost and I don't know what I've done wrong. I'm afraid that I've gotten so frustrated with being ignored so long that I've nagged him to death about spending some time with me - to the point that he considers me a controlling *****. He says that because his job is so stressful, he needs that time on the weekends by himself (although most of the time, he's with his friends) to decompress. I totally understand that this is a huge thing for guys especially and have always given him his space to do his hobbies on his days off. All I want is some passion, some interest on his part to want to be with me even if it's just a fraction of the time he devotes to his hobbies. To just even be on the same level as his hobbies would be great! Because at least then I would know that he actually has some genuine interest for me. But when I've told him all this, all he says is "I don't know what to tell you."
I'm at a loss. It breaks my heart to think that he just doesn't love me like I love him. I'm not in a financial place to leave him, nor do I really want to. I want my kids to be with their Dad and to grow up with both of us in the house. I just need some help/advice on how to make myself feel more like he does. How do I stop caring about spending time with him and being okay with just doing my own thing? How do I live a separate life from him so he can do what makes him happy and still maintain our marriage together? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.