I Wake Up In The Morning And Put A Fake Smile On.

I've been depressed for almost two years now. It use to be so bad that I would often think of suicide. I'm afriad I will come back to that point. If my friends ask me what's wrong, I say nothing. I put on a fake smile and laugh so they don't worry. I don't want attention drawn towards me. if i look sad, I say I'm tired. They ask why I never want to hang out and why I don't have any interest in things anymore. I say I'm grounded for a long time. I don't want them to think I'm a crazy person, for being severely depressed and being sad all the time. I don't think they could deal with it. So, that's why I fake happy. I wish I wouldn't, but I can't help. I just need somene to accept me for who I am instead of trying to mold me into something I don't want to be. 

sotiredofthem sotiredofthem
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 28, 2010

well at least u have friends...

I do the Exact same thing with my friends. Its hard to tell them whats going on when your scared of what they'll think of you. I know I'm scared. I'm constantly crying and feel like Cutting could help. But I also know that its wrong to do that. I only have one friend who knows what I'm going through. He's helping a little bit. Tell a friend whats going on. Just one. One you Trust. It might not help everything, but its a start. Message me to tell me how it goes. Maybe We can help each other get through things.

Hopefully, time will alleviate these feelings, when you have found your direction in life, you will know more who you are, who you want to be, and not feel pressured to be what others expect. The best to you, your story is well written and truly conveys your awareness of your depression, which is the first step to feeling better, actually.